Relationship My husband left

Sweetpea76

Moderator
Maybe ask how’s he’s doing? I’m not saying to bring up his mental health... just “hey, how are you doing? What’s up?” If he can’t even be cordial then he probably wouldn’t want to be love bombed.

Don’t be scared to talk to your own husband. If he’s being an ass that’s his issue, not yours. This isn’t your fault. You visiting your family for ONE WEEK did not cause him to fall out of love with you or leave you. If that happened it’s because the shit in his head, not a perfectly normal, reasonable thing that you did.
 
Maybe ask how’s he’s doing? I’m not saying to bring up his mental health... just “hey, how are you doing? What’s up?” If he can’t even be cordial then he probably wouldn’t want to be love bombed.

Don’t be scared to talk to your own husband. If he’s being an ass that’s his issue, not yours. This isn’t your fault. You visiting your family for ONE WEEK did not cause him to fall out of love with you or leave you. If that happened it’s because the shit in his head, not a perfectly normal, reasonable thing that you did.
Would it be a bad idea to wait until we get all of the housing stuff taken care of? I’d really like to just talk to him in person if I can but I definitely need advice about how to go about this. I don’t know if he needs me or someone to be there and we’re not? He made it very clear when he left that he wanted nothing to do with me but I’m understanding now that it wasn’t “him” talking.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
He made it very clear when he left that he wanted nothing to do with me but I’m understanding now that it wasn’t “him” talking.

Sometimes this is a slippery slope. While you never want to discount or invalidate what they say, sometimes they are just lashing out. It’s hard to say unless you can recognize a pattern of behavior... and with this being the first time he’s been like this, there is no way to know.

Nobody knows what’s going on in his head. He could be 100% serious. He could be having a hissy. He could be mentally unstable, or he could have something normal (but shady) going on. It may be PTSD, it may not be.

Has he been diagnosed with PTSD? Or received any kind of treatment?
 

Justmehere

Moderator
Would it be a bad idea to wait until we get all of the housing stuff taken care of? I’d really like to just talk to him in person if I can but I definitely need advice about how to go about this. I don’t know if he needs me or someone to be there and we’re not? He made it very clear when he left that he wanted nothing to do with me but I’m understanding now that it wasn’t “him” talking.
I prefer in person as well, but it takes a lot more than a text. In person and "do you need me?" or "what do you need?" may lead to an intense conversation. Consider warming up to that down the road. Maybe ask how his day was at work, share about something in your day. Something ordinary. A trip to the grocery store. See how he responds. See at a step towards the bigger subjects down the road. Small talk can be an icebreaker. Unless he set a really super bright boundary about no communication unless it's about the housing, you can bring up other subjects other than the housing. You can also wait until the housing is resolved. But jumping into the big subjects without a warm up phase might be harder.

Would it be a bad idea to wait until we get all of the housing stuff taken care of?
I'm not sure I'd rely on him to resolve housing. He's not acting reliable right now. I second the suggestion to look for a place on your own as a back up plan.
 
Sometimes this is a slippery slope. While you never want to discount or invalidate what they say, sometimes they are just lashing out. It’s hard to say unless you can recognize a pattern of behavior... and with this being the first time he’s been like this, there is no way to know.

Nobody knows what’s going on in his head. He could be 100% serious. He could be having a hissy. He could be mentally unstable, or he could have something normal (but shady) going on. It may be PTSD, it may not be.

Has he been diagnosed with PTSD? Or received any kind of treatment?
He may have been diagnosed when he was a kid but nothing as an adult because he refuses therapy. He was forced into therapy after the incident happened when he was a kid and says that it didn’t help and he doesn’t want to talk about this with a stranger. He has all the symptoms of ptsd that I can think of.
In the last conversation I had with him before he left..he stopped being a jerk for a split second, looked out the window, choked up and said “because I love you and I’d do anything for you” then went right back to wanting me away from him.

I prefer in person as well, but it takes a lot more than a text. In person and "do you need me?" or "what do you need?" may lead to an intense conversation. Consider warming up to that down the road. Maybe ask how his day was at work, share about something in your day. Something ordinary. A trip to the grocery store. See how he responds. See at a step towards the bigger subjects down the road. Small talk can be an icebreaker. Unless he set a really super bright boundary about no communication unless it's about the housing, you can bring up other subjects other than the housing. You can also wait until the housing is resolved. But jumping into the big subjects without a warm up phase might be harder.


I'm not sure I'd rely on him to resolve housing. He's not acting reliable right now. I second the suggestion to look for a place on your own as a back up plan.
I’m trying to figure out how to bring up the conversation of asking him how he is and asking him if we can talk. I think I’m going to wait another week. He still will communicate if it’s regarding the house and seems to have everything in order regarding it. I guess he’s with it enough to know that he has to do this? I honestly don’t know.
 
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