My Husband Locks His Inner Child In A Closet, And Wants Me To Do The Same

[Kintsugi]

What I would hear, if my husband said what your's did, is "I just focus on doing right now. I don't think about my inner child, it's not important to me." and "Why don't you recreate yourself like I did. This frustrates me because I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to help you. I don't know what to do for you."

Wow, Albatross! Can you follow me around and translate what my partner says, too? That was awesome.

NIKI, I recently breached the inner child conversation with my partner. He doesn't have PTSD, so he really doesn't get it, but in any case, he reacted poorly and told me he wasn't in a relationship with a child. In one way, I felt like he wasn't willing to "take on" all of me, and this was distressing. At the same time, I think maybe he made a point that was valuable. I may have an inner child with whom I have some sort of relationship, but he doesn't want to be involved with that emotional and internal element of myself, because that is not who he is connecting to when he connects to me. In some way, this feels empowering: it furthers the distinction between adult me and child me, which helps because my child often takes over when she shouldn't, when the adult me should be there to resolve my adult life. My last BF, very long-term and a good relationship, really embraced the idea of my inner child, but then she was there all the time, wanting to be given attention and getting it from him instead of from me. I am still partially at odds with the idea of an inner child, because I resent that I have moments of completely regressing, and it's almost strange to discuss this ethereal being as having a reality, but she did during that time.

My point is, I'm really sorry that your husband has the relationship he does with his inner child, and it blows that he said those hurtful things, but maybe it would be helpful for you to realize that you the adult will be the source of support for the inner child and he will be there for the adult. Does that make sense? Good luck.

Tons of credit for this thinking goes out to Albatrosss for supporting me in this situation with some tough and heartfelt advice. Thank you!

 

[The Albatross]

You're so very welcome. It took a lot of counseling so that I could get out of defending and feeling ganged up on and try to hear what he was really saying. He's the quiet type, my husband... and a simple guy. When I say I need something, he want's to fix or do something. If he can't identify anything, he gets frustrated and that's just his way. My husband was not nurtured, so he doesn't know how, but he's trying.