My Introduction

[CafeAulait]

Hi, I'm CafeAulait. I'm a 52 yr old woman and I think I may have been suffering from PTSD all of my life. Is that even possible? Is it possible to be so sensitive to the world around me that the bad stuff that comes along effects me to the degree of exhibiting PTSD most of the time?

Let me explain a little bit. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my father was an alcoholic, my mother was verbally abusive and my older brother engaged me in sexual play when I was only six.

My father was a womanizer who lived part time at home and part time with another woman and her family. At the age of twelve, mom and dad thought it was a good idea to take the family to meet this other woman and her family. I can directly link my life long emotional eating difficulties to this one event.

After my mom divorced my dad, she remarried another alcoholic who beat her serverely. At 16 I came home and found that my mom had attempted suicide by turning the gas on in the oven and laying herself in it. She survived, but she sent my sister and I to go live with our brother and sister in law who used us as maids and nannies for their toddler. My brother was an alcoholic.

At seventeen I married a man who cheated on me and brought home an STD and then got me pregnant and divorced me.

I tried unsuccessfully to raise my son alone but it didn't work well because I was busy medicating myself with alcohol. I got sober from booze about 18yrs ago, however I have developed a dependance on perscription pain medication that I need to take for my back.

I suffered from tics as a child and have suffered from mild OCD all my life.

I have been bullied on my jobs and have quit or been fired more times than I can count. This resulted in a bankruptcy and the loss of my home. I have been living with my boyfriend for three years.

I recognize that I have issues. I have an addictive personality and food is one of my drugs of choice. So is my prescription pain meds.

I'm not sure I can even go into all of the psychological difficulties I have, but suffice to say I have my fair share.

I recognize that something is going on with me and I am wondering if it's possible that a life of ongoing experiences, combined with an extra sensitive nervous system may be the result of undiagnosed PTSD?

I have been a very productive woman for a great part of my life and I have accomplished things I'm very proud of. I have been a helper and confidant to many. I am a leader in many areas of my life and I'm an independant thinker.

I enjoy quiet and a lot of alone time. I am currently unemployed but am artistically productive on the internet and pursuing avenues for recognition. But........there's this little demon in me that I don't have a name for that needs some attention and I'm wondering if this demon is PTSD and if it's possible that the culmination of my life experiences has created it and kept it going.

I would really appreciate input from those that understand this disorder to as strong degree.

Thank you for your time.

 

[bonnecanyon]

Hi CafeAuliait

Welcome to the forum!

Thank you for sharing you story - you have been thru so much. You will find this website to be very supportive with lots of friendly people who have been thru similar situations. Most of us have suffered some sort of trauma in our lives and are trying to deal with it the best we can.

This is a place to share our struggles and our successes without judgment.

It is possible that you have ptsd, but I would strongly recommend that you seek counseling so that you can be professionally diagnosed.

BC

 

[suzie q]

Hello CafeAulait,

So glad you found the forum and thanks for sharing your story with us. This forum has a great deal of information on this disorder and also people who have shared their experiences so that others may understand and learn.

PTSD is an illness that is almost impossible to self-diagnosis. There are a few anxiety disorders and symptoms that can mimic PTSD. That's why a few here will tell you to investigate with a professional first.

You are more than welcome to get as much information as you can here. Reaching out to others of the same history helps us manage our symptoms.

I have a lot of the same issues that you do, so don't hesitate to reach out. You are not alone and we encourage you to find more out about your pain and symptoms. :hello:

 

[CafeAulait]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

 

[helena]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you will find a lot of help and support here.

Helena

 

[Clydiechick]

Wow and welcome. You are very brave to share your past with us. I am sure you will get some good advice and comfort from this forum.

Clydie

 

[ZeroPTSD]

If you have PTSD not...my heart goes out to you. PTSD is illusive it can be like a ghost. If you do have it I am sure it will rear it's ugly head and let you know at one point or another.

Given the amount of traumas you have experienced in life, and the traumas inflicted upon your family numbers, I would say you are def at higher risk...but the best way to find out is to seek multiple opinions + to try and get help one way or the other. I hope that you don't have it given that you are already dealing with a lot.

One,

Zero

 

[Grama-Herc]

I am 62 and apparently have had PTSD most of my life, BUT it took 3 doctors and a lot of tests to determine that fact.

I feel for you, your past. You will find people here who share the same issues, but it is advisable to seek professional help and diagnosis. It saved my life. And the meds helped too!

 

[CafeAulait]

Thank you all for your kinds words and advice.