I first came on this forum in the summer of 2009. At the time I felt like I was losing my mind, I thought I had had a nervous breakdown, I didn't know what was wrong with me.
I know there is a lot of talk on this forum about not searching on the internet in an attempt to self diagnose, and although I agree, it was, at least to me a relief when I found the symptoms for Acute Stress Disorder on the internet. I had every single symptom and I was relieved to find out that I had not gone crazy or lost my mind but that a trauma had caused my mind to snap. At the time I was thousands of miles from home, in a country where I could hardly speak the language, isolated and alone and I came on this English speaking forum in a desperate attempt to soothe my mind.
A few months later I finally made it home where I was formally diagnosed with PTSD and Social Anxiety Disorder. I regularly see a therapist and go to group Trauma meetings.
I have a history of trauma going back a long time. I grew up in a home with domestic violence, was molested by a teacher, my sister took her own life, suffered bad injuries after being hit by a car, was robbed by three masked men who held a gun to my head, tied me up, threatened to shoot me with a stun gun and hit me over the head with a hammer.
Looking back now I can see that I have been floating in and out of the symptoms of PTSD my whole lie. Feeling alien from all other people, being re-victimized over and over again, putting myself in dangerous situations, and all the other feelings of being different that PTSD sufferers have.
It wasn't until my last and most terrifying trauma (that I still can't talk about) that the PTSD came full force and changed my life forever. I would do anything to go back to the person I used to be before the last trauma, but I can't go back.
I don't talk about the PTSD with hardly anyone, except my therapist, the trauma group and a couple of members of my family. I really do not think people would understand so I keep quiet. Secondary trauma is always a risk so I choose silence over revealing myself.
It is great that this forum has been around for so long but I think that when people come on here for the first time, many of them seeming so confused and desperate, rather than berating them for trying to figure out what is wrong with them (self-diagnosing) they should be instead simply given the DSM list of symptoms and then gently told how to reach a trauma specialist in their city so they can seek a formal diagnosis.
After all PTSD is not a club or a clique or a badge of honor. It is not a test or a competition.
When people first come down with the symptoms it is terrifying and confusing. That is when people need the most understanding.
Of course there are a few people who come on here thinking they have PTSD when they do not but I would guess that would be a very, very small percentage. Who in their right mind, after all, would want to have PTSD?
So, that is my story and my opinion. I personally do not think PTSD can be cured but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to get better and live a better life.
I know there is a lot of talk on this forum about not searching on the internet in an attempt to self diagnose, and although I agree, it was, at least to me a relief when I found the symptoms for Acute Stress Disorder on the internet. I had every single symptom and I was relieved to find out that I had not gone crazy or lost my mind but that a trauma had caused my mind to snap. At the time I was thousands of miles from home, in a country where I could hardly speak the language, isolated and alone and I came on this English speaking forum in a desperate attempt to soothe my mind.
A few months later I finally made it home where I was formally diagnosed with PTSD and Social Anxiety Disorder. I regularly see a therapist and go to group Trauma meetings.
I have a history of trauma going back a long time. I grew up in a home with domestic violence, was molested by a teacher, my sister took her own life, suffered bad injuries after being hit by a car, was robbed by three masked men who held a gun to my head, tied me up, threatened to shoot me with a stun gun and hit me over the head with a hammer.
Looking back now I can see that I have been floating in and out of the symptoms of PTSD my whole lie. Feeling alien from all other people, being re-victimized over and over again, putting myself in dangerous situations, and all the other feelings of being different that PTSD sufferers have.
It wasn't until my last and most terrifying trauma (that I still can't talk about) that the PTSD came full force and changed my life forever. I would do anything to go back to the person I used to be before the last trauma, but I can't go back.
I don't talk about the PTSD with hardly anyone, except my therapist, the trauma group and a couple of members of my family. I really do not think people would understand so I keep quiet. Secondary trauma is always a risk so I choose silence over revealing myself.
It is great that this forum has been around for so long but I think that when people come on here for the first time, many of them seeming so confused and desperate, rather than berating them for trying to figure out what is wrong with them (self-diagnosing) they should be instead simply given the DSM list of symptoms and then gently told how to reach a trauma specialist in their city so they can seek a formal diagnosis.
After all PTSD is not a club or a clique or a badge of honor. It is not a test or a competition.
When people first come down with the symptoms it is terrifying and confusing. That is when people need the most understanding.
Of course there are a few people who come on here thinking they have PTSD when they do not but I would guess that would be a very, very small percentage. Who in their right mind, after all, would want to have PTSD?
So, that is my story and my opinion. I personally do not think PTSD can be cured but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to get better and live a better life.
