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anthony
Founder
I thought this might be quite interesting actually, to do exactly what Andrea recently did by looking for those on the opposite side to give their opinions. I will detail things here, and would love to have spouses input and advice, and maybe even see when looked at broadly, the impact on sufferers spouses and relationships play.
I posted in December last year within the private PTSD forum about the issues currently going on within my own marriage, not healthy to say the least, let me just say that. Kerrie has issues, I have issues, I am working on mine, IMO Kerrie falls very short on her side of things, as she doesn't work on her own problems, instead only raises PTSD as an excuse to lure and shift blame from herself.
To give you an idea, Kerrie had abuse issues as a child, and she has had many anger issues whilst with me, anger issues which she even exposed to her own family as being my fault again, when I was left with little choice but to defend myself and protect myself by forcing her against a wall, or pushing her out of the way to get myself out of the situation, yet when expressed, I was the one at fault. Funnily enough, just like Somaliaspouse did recently, gave half the story, until her husband Paul found the information and gave the full story. Half stories are wonderful, but not very helpful.
I have been a bastard in life, have no doubts, but I know what I have done, how I have been, and even today my emotional issues with withdrawal, yet I know what my problems are and work on them constantly. Kerrie seems that she is above having to work upon her own issues, just me apparently.
Kerrie took the two little one's and went to her Mothers in December, and has been their since, because she had another outbreak at my older son and kicked him whilst he was seated on the lounge. It was most likely a harmless kick, one of those soft one's to get a teenager moving, yet when asked, she denied it. When it happened my teenager yelled for me through the house, but did not retaliate as I have told him not too, and he repected that wish thank christ, other wise things could have been a lot worse. Anyway, Kerrie used to hit me and be quite abusive physically when she lost her temper, though she has not done that too me in over a year now, as I was walking out the door otherwise; however now she seems to believe that my teenager is fair game to abuse instead, mostly emotional but now the same tactics as she used on myself.
Yes, I was emotionally abusive to Kerrie, and everyone in my life when my PTSD was uncontrolled, absolutely, and I would be a liar to deny it. I failed to be a father to my teenager, I failed to be a loving husband, yet I fought through everything to become a much happier person, at peace with myself to move within life without such constant anger and irritation. Logan is just as bad as Kerrie, have no doubt, and as a teenager with a stepmum can be quite a cheeky little smartarse, to say the least, yet trying to control him and an adult who acts more like a child is wearing, to say the least. Anyone with a teenager knows what I am talking about, how to respond to their cheek, and how not to respond to them. If you feed and respond, they will continue to act that way, because they know it hurts you. Why? The same across the world, often hormones, social pressures, their finding themselves within the scheme of life, learning, etc etc... teenagers are brutal, and you must be an adult to handle them, not resort to their own tactics, because it doesn't work.
So you can see the issues I have been dealing with, and would love to hear valued input on how spouses see these issues and their advice. I don't want sympathy, because its not warranted, I want advice, I want experience, because at the moment, I am nearing walking out of my own marriage, and the longer Kerrie stays away just helps me with this. I spoke with her tonight briefly, as she was telling me her plans for weeks away in attending a clinic where she is for young Caleb, etc etc, meaning she won't be home anytime soon. To be honest, do I want her home for all these reasons above? I want my kids home... that much I can say.
As you can see, not everything in relationships has to do with PTSD, yet spouses often think so, and they even believe it, even once healed. How do you think that makes me feel? Well, its makes me feel like I wasted my own time in order to heal, because my own wife judges me the same, whether something is PTSD related or not. I can say this, because she called our acupuncturist a week or so ago to give to me a call, and see if she can do a treatment for me to help my PTSD! Interesting ha? I thought so. You see, Kerrie is sitting at her mothers ringing people here in Melbourne because she thinks PTSD is at fault, but cannot see her own fault in this, and once again confusing PTSD with relationship realities. Relationships are tough at the best of times, yet somehow when PTSD is present, spouses seem to always think everything is PTSD, even once healed.
My own PTSD has been fine until tonight, when this just really pissed me off, in that she took my children away from me, without my consent, expected me to then follow her for Christmas like a good little boy, then thought she can just plan away and continue her little holiday keeping my own children away from me. About a weeks time, that will be two months away from me she has taken them. Now, why do spouses think everything has to do with PTSD? I will tell you... absolute ignorance often off their own involvement within relationship issues, looking to shift blame that rightfully belongs to themselves. Now I am healed, and put up with all this for two months without issue of PTSD, until now... so imagine what someone who hasn't healed trauma, and how long do you think they would last, and what do you really expect their reaction to be? I can tell you, KABOOM!
Again, I would love to hear spouses input into these situations, their experience and knowledge, not just the one line BS statements either, but valuable input and advice from their side of things. Me, I am close to packing up Kerrie's shit, putting it on a truck and sending it all to her mothers, one way, no return to sender. Why? Because I am sick to death of seeing PTSD being used for an excuse in all situations, and my own spouse who cannot even see where real issues lay, and self failures to help themselves at the same time, instead just look for blame.
I posted in December last year within the private PTSD forum about the issues currently going on within my own marriage, not healthy to say the least, let me just say that. Kerrie has issues, I have issues, I am working on mine, IMO Kerrie falls very short on her side of things, as she doesn't work on her own problems, instead only raises PTSD as an excuse to lure and shift blame from herself.
To give you an idea, Kerrie had abuse issues as a child, and she has had many anger issues whilst with me, anger issues which she even exposed to her own family as being my fault again, when I was left with little choice but to defend myself and protect myself by forcing her against a wall, or pushing her out of the way to get myself out of the situation, yet when expressed, I was the one at fault. Funnily enough, just like Somaliaspouse did recently, gave half the story, until her husband Paul found the information and gave the full story. Half stories are wonderful, but not very helpful.
I have been a bastard in life, have no doubts, but I know what I have done, how I have been, and even today my emotional issues with withdrawal, yet I know what my problems are and work on them constantly. Kerrie seems that she is above having to work upon her own issues, just me apparently.
Kerrie took the two little one's and went to her Mothers in December, and has been their since, because she had another outbreak at my older son and kicked him whilst he was seated on the lounge. It was most likely a harmless kick, one of those soft one's to get a teenager moving, yet when asked, she denied it. When it happened my teenager yelled for me through the house, but did not retaliate as I have told him not too, and he repected that wish thank christ, other wise things could have been a lot worse. Anyway, Kerrie used to hit me and be quite abusive physically when she lost her temper, though she has not done that too me in over a year now, as I was walking out the door otherwise; however now she seems to believe that my teenager is fair game to abuse instead, mostly emotional but now the same tactics as she used on myself.
Yes, I was emotionally abusive to Kerrie, and everyone in my life when my PTSD was uncontrolled, absolutely, and I would be a liar to deny it. I failed to be a father to my teenager, I failed to be a loving husband, yet I fought through everything to become a much happier person, at peace with myself to move within life without such constant anger and irritation. Logan is just as bad as Kerrie, have no doubt, and as a teenager with a stepmum can be quite a cheeky little smartarse, to say the least, yet trying to control him and an adult who acts more like a child is wearing, to say the least. Anyone with a teenager knows what I am talking about, how to respond to their cheek, and how not to respond to them. If you feed and respond, they will continue to act that way, because they know it hurts you. Why? The same across the world, often hormones, social pressures, their finding themselves within the scheme of life, learning, etc etc... teenagers are brutal, and you must be an adult to handle them, not resort to their own tactics, because it doesn't work.
So you can see the issues I have been dealing with, and would love to hear valued input on how spouses see these issues and their advice. I don't want sympathy, because its not warranted, I want advice, I want experience, because at the moment, I am nearing walking out of my own marriage, and the longer Kerrie stays away just helps me with this. I spoke with her tonight briefly, as she was telling me her plans for weeks away in attending a clinic where she is for young Caleb, etc etc, meaning she won't be home anytime soon. To be honest, do I want her home for all these reasons above? I want my kids home... that much I can say.
As you can see, not everything in relationships has to do with PTSD, yet spouses often think so, and they even believe it, even once healed. How do you think that makes me feel? Well, its makes me feel like I wasted my own time in order to heal, because my own wife judges me the same, whether something is PTSD related or not. I can say this, because she called our acupuncturist a week or so ago to give to me a call, and see if she can do a treatment for me to help my PTSD! Interesting ha? I thought so. You see, Kerrie is sitting at her mothers ringing people here in Melbourne because she thinks PTSD is at fault, but cannot see her own fault in this, and once again confusing PTSD with relationship realities. Relationships are tough at the best of times, yet somehow when PTSD is present, spouses seem to always think everything is PTSD, even once healed.
My own PTSD has been fine until tonight, when this just really pissed me off, in that she took my children away from me, without my consent, expected me to then follow her for Christmas like a good little boy, then thought she can just plan away and continue her little holiday keeping my own children away from me. About a weeks time, that will be two months away from me she has taken them. Now, why do spouses think everything has to do with PTSD? I will tell you... absolute ignorance often off their own involvement within relationship issues, looking to shift blame that rightfully belongs to themselves. Now I am healed, and put up with all this for two months without issue of PTSD, until now... so imagine what someone who hasn't healed trauma, and how long do you think they would last, and what do you really expect their reaction to be? I can tell you, KABOOM!
Again, I would love to hear spouses input into these situations, their experience and knowledge, not just the one line BS statements either, but valuable input and advice from their side of things. Me, I am close to packing up Kerrie's shit, putting it on a truck and sending it all to her mothers, one way, no return to sender. Why? Because I am sick to death of seeing PTSD being used for an excuse in all situations, and my own spouse who cannot even see where real issues lay, and self failures to help themselves at the same time, instead just look for blame.
