DID My mom and my did

[Noise]

So i came out a while ago to my mom about having DID. And it's been ok she's been able to deal with alters a little better and such

But Today me and my mom got in an argument (about something stupid) and she got really heated and suddenly says to me "oh and your probably gonna blame this fight on one of your other people because you never take responsibility for anything"

I literally never blame my alters for shit [I did blame an alter once like 2 months ago because my alter did something shitty and I was trying to be more open about my condition but that's it and I STILL APOLOGIZED]

But anyways so I get offended at this and then my mom takes it further "I never know who I'm talking to I feel like I should just give up on you"

And it's like if she ever actually paid attention to me for more than 2 seconds she'd probably know if she's talking to me or not.

And it's like just talk to us we're still people. I'm still her f*cking kid. but now she treats me like a god damn freak show.

And I'm just so pissed off?? f*ck this bitch. Like i know we are not easy to live with. But we are trying our best and it's just so shitty for her to do this.

 

[Muttly]

Oh wow, I would be super hurt and angry if someone said those things to me. Those are super hurtful comments. It sounds like she was lashing out and trying to hurt you. I'm sorry you experienced that.

 

[Teamwork]

That’s so hard on your vulnerability. You tried and she is one that flips back when angry which she wouldn’t get why this is extremely hurtful. I live with this fear and is one of the reasons why so few know, I think maybe two, that I’ve trusted who are far from family to me, more like mental health professionals who would never do that. It must feel now like you’d like to take it back and say there is no did there, but that’s what I’d be feeling..hasty retreat to denial to make it go away. Hopefully she can get some proper training on how to communicate with everyone.

 

[Ronin]

... And which of YOU just stopped acting like my Mom???

Or similar questions back. Make her realize she is just acting unfair to her own kid, and whatever she thinks about your neurotype and functioning does not excuse her emotional abuse.

 

[Noise]

Oh wow, I would be super hurt and angry if someone said those things to me. Those are super hurtful comm...

I just don't understand why she had to go there. Like its not like I chose this. It's not like I blame my alters for every single stupid thing I do. And it was over something so small.

Like yeah it was an argument. But even if I was wrong I didn't deserve that. She's always like this she doesn't understand my mental health at all.

That’s so hard on your vulnerability. You tried and she is one that flips back when angry which she...

It just sucks I've always been very private about my health. And then I finally open up about it to her and she just stabs me in the back with it.

It must feel now like you’d like to take it back and say there is no did there,

That's exactly what I want to do. I just feel like now all she sees is this condition. And only negatives about this condition.

My alters aren't bad people. Some are rough around the edges but apparently she thinks they're all assholes. If she even believes me that they exist at all.

I wish she'd just listen to me and not take everything out of context and blame me for having this condition.

I'm just never going to bring it up to her again cause she's proven to me that she's not worthy of my trust

... And which of YOU just stopped acting like my Mom???

Im saving this one for later.

Make her realize she is just acting unfair to her own kid, and whatever she thinks about your neurotype and functioning does not excuse her emotional abuse.

I don't think she cares. She always is telling me how my anxiety annoys her. And how I need to get over my depression. And she used to tell me my trauma wasn't that bad (even though she's a huge f*cking factor and a partial cause of some of my trauma) I hate her. I wish I could just get away from her.

I'm sick of how she can throw a temper tantrum and say so much f*cked up shit to me and I'm supposed to just be ok with that.

I'm just so tired

 

[whiteraven]

I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. It's hard enough to function sometimes with insiders/others; you should feel like you can have all the support you need, esp. from family.

I've done a lot of thinking about this over the last couple of years myself. I really wanted to tell my mom, because I want her to know and because I want to be able to be completely open with who I am. But I haven't and Iikely won't because she worries about everything and will think this is her fault.

Maybe your mom doesn't care - I don't know her. But maybe part of her reaction is because she feels responsible. My mom doesn't think anything that happened when we were young (that she knows about) was "that bad" and that anything she doesn't know I "imagined" or I'm just being dramatic. But I *know*, based on things she has said, that she thinks everything was her fault.

 

[Ronin]

My alters aren't bad people. Some are rough around the edges but apparently she thinks they're all assholes.

Maybe that would be a good thing.
If you can find a way of balance between fear and being Left Alone, it might be useful.
Since if she cannot be dissuaded of things, and see people for people they are (and her child)? Her fear may be your way of getting avoided, and meeting your needs elsewhere.

And, if your mind literally split off from that, and continues to be split off as a way of surviving? Yeah, I would say that means that thing bringing it on was pretty bad.

 

[Noise]

you should feel like you can have all the support you need, esp. from family.

I wish I did. Everything I've come out about I regret. I feel like I've just been branded as a crazy and a freak. I'm just broken to them. It's disheartening.

Maybe your mom doesn't care - I don't know her. But maybe part of her reaction is because she feels responsible

The problem is she is partially responsible. Both of my parents are. They physically abused me when I was a kid a lot. (They aren't the only abuse/trauma I suffered but they're the reason I split in the first place)

We've repaired our relationship quite a bit. And we understand each other a little better now days.

Her reaction is pretty typical from her though. She always goes for a low blow. she always has a jab about something about me.

I wish you they best of luck opening up about it though

 

[Still Standing]

I know anger and resentment can muddy the water and make any explanations or understanding very difficult for two people engaged in emotional responses. But....Trying to understand how someone so close to you can have alters has to be difficult to wrap their head around, especially when she only know you as one person. This is where, instead of getting so bent out of shape at each other, you provide your mom with books or any material explaining your situation. I would even encourage her to see a therapist who can help her learn about and deal with your alters. Maybe a session or two with your Therapist, along with your mom might help in this frustration of yours, too. Education and support, much like this forum would be so good for those you are close to. In fact she could join here and be part of the supports forum if that would not be intimidating to you. Or you can go through the support forum history and see if there are any useful posts and such to help give your mom and you suggestions on how to better communicate and support each other in your journey to getting better. At least anger and resentment is not going to help either of you anywhere in this struggle. I hope you can figure out a way to best address your alters in your family situation and learn to work together in it all. Of course it won't be perfect but it will be a step in the right direction.

 

[Ronin]

Trying to understand how someone so close to you can have alters has to be difficult to wrap their head around

The problem here though is not Noise's D.I.D. as much as their mother being abusive, and using anything and everything she can as an ammo.

It is not just a lack of education at place, and Noise does not owe that education to abusive parent, or to be put in a position they have to negotiate for own basic safety. That safety should come first and be a given, and is that parent's responsibility, ALONGside educating themselves.

 

[Noise]

Maybe that would be a good thing.
If you can find a way of balance between fear and being Left Alone, it m...

I'm sorry this reply is really confusing me could you explain? I'm very sorry.

 

[Ronin]

No problem. :)

What I mean is, do not worry about what she thinks of them, figure out how to use that rough around the edges into protecting you and keeping as far away from her reach (and being hurt) as possible.

I do not think it likely she warms up, after consistently treating you this way already, so it might be worth finding others who will be nurturing, instead of trying to change her.