macbeth
Gold Member
My mum has a history of suicide attempts of which I have witnessed 3(overdose s). She has been making huge improvement in her life over the last 10 years so it came as a bit of a shock to find out she was back in hospital. I feel numb but sad if that makes sense?
For as long as I remember mum has suffered with mental health issues. Every year between the ages of 5 to 12 she was in a psych ward mostly for anorexia/bulimia and depression. These stays would last for months at a time the longest being 7 months. I became aware of the severity of her illness at an early age when she first overdosed. Unfortunately over the years this became more frequent. I became so used to these attempt s that I became numb.
I have been so numb for so long that I was stunned when I found myself completely overwhelmed with grief this week, like part of me died. I guess what I'm trying to say is why? Why now ? Is it that I am in a place in my life that my subconscious says it's safe to feel the pain of growing up with an unstable parent? Have I just answered my own question? Who knows? But what I do know is I am heartbroken. For my mum to be suffering so bad that she thinks that suicide is the only way out, for the child versions of me and my siblings for being witnesses to her suffering and to anyone else who has had to deal with this.
Let's look out for each other. Xx
For as long as I remember mum has suffered with mental health issues. Every year between the ages of 5 to 12 she was in a psych ward mostly for anorexia/bulimia and depression. These stays would last for months at a time the longest being 7 months. I became aware of the severity of her illness at an early age when she first overdosed. Unfortunately over the years this became more frequent. I became so used to these attempt s that I became numb.
I have been so numb for so long that I was stunned when I found myself completely overwhelmed with grief this week, like part of me died. I guess what I'm trying to say is why? Why now ? Is it that I am in a place in my life that my subconscious says it's safe to feel the pain of growing up with an unstable parent? Have I just answered my own question? Who knows? But what I do know is I am heartbroken. For my mum to be suffering so bad that she thinks that suicide is the only way out, for the child versions of me and my siblings for being witnesses to her suffering and to anyone else who has had to deal with this.
Let's look out for each other. Xx
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