My Mum Just Died At 3.36 Pm Today

[Nighthawk]

I fealt nothing in the past when people in my life have died. I also find it a weird responce but others I have spoken to have said people grieve diffrently. For example I think I struggled with my grandmothers death before she died and once she was gone she was gone.

Just remember funerals are for the living and not the dead.

 

[jaccat]

Definitely not strange. I didn't react over either of my parent's deaths. It wasn't denial. I knew they were dead, it was just how I dealt. When my mum died I didn't talk about it to anybody close. My best friends didn't know for weeks, but I had no trouble telling people I wasn't close to. I just wanted to carry on as normal. Same with my dad. I was prepared. But it disturbed me how everyone else got upset when I didn't, like I was doing something wrong. But I wasn't doing anything wrong. My T summed it up best. It's just a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm sorry to hear this @Sammyiam. My condolences to you and your family. Sending hugs to you.

 

[ms spock]

Have you ever felt this way or am I the only screwed up person on the planet that feels nothing when I should be upset, and I blew it when she was alive , now I'm blowing it even when she is dead :(

Yes I was the scapegoat and punching bag in my family as well, and yes I have periods of numbness and nothingness.

Your mother's unkind comments and behaviour towards you through her dying process were heartbreaking to read Sammy. So I imagine you are in a type of shock and numbness after it all. I haven't read otherwise so I am presuming that she didn't behave fairly or kindly towards you right to the end. You didn't blow it with your mother - for whatever reason she was not a very helpful mother towards you.

And there is no right way to feel Sammy, just because in films and on TV they have stereotypic ways of people emoting and being - it doesn't mean that it is like that in real life.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sad for you at this time. When my dad finally died, I felt nothing as he had been very abusive to me. You are ok for what you are going through and I am so happy to hear that you have so much support. Dress the way you want, your mom will not see you.

 

[Strongeras1]

I understand all too well what your going through especially the part about feeling numb.. Most of my trauma and issues stem from MIlitary experiences overseas wether it was taking a human life or seeing my friends die over their we never had a moment to truley deal with any of it no time time to grieve. So you begin to grow numb to it all you grow numb to the human suffering, the violence, the complete disregard for human life but then all the sudden one day they send you home back to the regular world back to your regular life where you have the time to think about everything and that's where the guilt, the anger set In feeling guilty for surviving, feeling guilty because you feel like you could have done this or or that better and then you become angry at yourself and at the whole world. My advice to you don't hold back now is the time to grieve to accept it don't feel like your weak take as much time as you
Need don't bottle it up it will eat you alive trust me I know...

 

[Sammyiam]

I seem to have fallen off my very high state that I was in for the last 2 1/2 days, now I just am thinking what needs to be done to get this over and done with. Nearly finished cleaning out the unit and sorting stuff off now to finish that today. Funeral tomorrow ..... I still just seem to be in automatic mode and still feel nothing. I am wondering, am I going to come crashing down In a big heap. I just want to go into my shed and work and forget everything that has happened this week. I just want it to be all finished.

Is this wrong ?

Feeling very tired today

 

[Tanishq]

Is this wrong ?

No, it's not.

:hug:

 

[RaggyDoll]

Sammy, I know from experience that numbness is natural and totally understandable. I know you probably won't believe it right now but things will feel better in time Sending you big hugs and best wishes x

 

[Ghostybear73]

Sorry to hear that Sammy!!! I know you have mixed emotions because you wanted her to let go and now that she's gone........well it's hard. Same thing happened with my grandma, but at least we know they are not suffering anymore.

:hug:s

 

[Lesley64]

Thoughts of peace and courage I am sending to you.

 

[littlelostchild]

Sammy, when my dad died I didn't cry, never have actually. I had helped him in the hospital as he died and hoped that at some time he would apologies for the abuses he put me through, but he never did. When he died I was at his bedside and I was just numb. Thinking about it now, I'm still numb about his death. I think I was pretty numb about his life, too. He was there, he had abused me as a kid and I didn't have much of a relationship with him as an adult. It was what it was.

You were there for your mum as she was dying and you are going to feel however you feel. Be gentle with yourself and try not to judge your feelings.