Sufferer My Name Is Charmaie

[CharMarSpar]

My name kid Charmaine and these are my thoughts:

-It's not even about what happened to me anymore. It's about my declining self worth. My growing self hatred. The inability to do things alone. The numbness. The desire to die. The uncertainty of what's wrong with me. The fear that's around ever corner and still staring me in my face. The dreams that mix themselves with what is real. The disbelief in a reality. The absolute foolishness of my choices. The alcohol or mind altering substances. The self medication. The refusal for a helping hand. My broken heart and sadness from unfulfilled promises takes over. The loss of critical relationships. The potential "unaccepted" true love. The doubt of everything. The Shame. The Humility. The Pain. The need to support myself without a care in the world. Still trying to get an ounce of pride to keep myself from remaining the dirtiest doormat at the entrance to the most useless place that exists.

And I write this in one of my panic states. But it's not who I am anymore. It's not who I want to be. I try to be someone else now.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome I hope you find the forum helpful.

 

[intothelight]

@CharMarSpar Welcome and what you wrote is not who you are but the symptoms and emotions associated with PTSD. Please take time to read the posts here and you will find that you are not alone and what you have written could at one time been written by myself and is reflected by many other members. The important thing to remember and keep this thought close to you as it does get better.....really it will get better.

Are you in therapy at this time? A good trauma therapist can really help get recovery on track. I hope you find the information and support here helpful and as you work on this the symptoms will decline and emotions will become more normalized.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Welcome x you've just described Ptsd!

 

[SabrinaB]

The trauma isn't what happened, it's the wounded result. And it's horrible and beyond description and captures everything you've listed.

But the trauma is not us. It is the wounded part of us that overwhelms our ability to cope and sometimes even overtakes our awareness and our minds.

You are here now though, which means you already are, and don't need to become someone else. You just need to get in touch with that perfect you that already is.

You're on the road to healing and this wonderful community can help support and sustain you along your path to recovery. Welcome!!!

 

[Friday]

Welcome @CharMarSpar :)

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome, glad you're here.

 

[Matt1055]

@CharMarSpar -

Welcome, and I could say something, however so much has been said above, and far more eloquently than I could.

We are here for you, I hope that you find something useful here, and decide to contribute in return.

Additionaly, you are wanted, needed, and loved. You are surrounded by many good people with much to offer.

M