Sexual Assault My partner....again

[LucyLou]

My partner went out on Friday night, came back around 4am. He wanted sex, I didn't. I said no multiple times, I stop stop multiple times and all he said was that I was giving hum mixed signals and now my head is baffled, how is no and stop mixed signals. I've spoken to my therapist about it this morning and she says he's trying to gaslight me to make me think that he's done nothing wrong and it's on me but what the hell. Seriously? I can't with him. This is the reason I tend to try stay at my friends when I know he's out because this is what he does when he drinks and takes drugs. I told her how it must be on me too because I'm staying with him but there is literally no other option. No where else to go, I'm on a part time wage and I need him to help when I have to work weekends.

 

[Friday]

I told her how it must be on me too because I'm staying with him but there is literally no other option. No where else to go, I'm on a part time wage and I need him to help when I have to work weekends.

When we have the option to leave, but choose not to (for whatever reasons)… it’s TEMPTING to blame ourselves for the actions of others. But? Consider WHICH actions you’re blaming yourself with. OMFG IT IS YOUR FAULT HE ATE A TOMATO!!! You don’t do that, right? Nor his choice in socks or silverware?

You blame yourself for actions that compel you to leave, whilst deciding to stay.

You could keep doing that, but it’s a waste of good energy, IMO.

Instead? Recognising that you’re married to a proper bastard, who gets drunk/high & brutalises you… full stop. This? Is your life. This? Is your husband.

You are completely within your rights to choose to stay. Or? To choose to leave. NEITHER choice makes his actions (from choosing rape to choosing vegetables) something you are responsible for. Your choices, and his choices, are different things.

 

[Movingforward10]

You are completely within your rights to choose to stay. Or? To choose to leave. NEITHER choice makes his actions (from choosing rape to choosing vegetables) something you are responsible for. Your choices, and his choices, are different things.

Everything @Friday said.

He isn't going to change. He's shown you who is he is and how he will behave. Staying with him means you need to resort to various tactics to reduce the opportunity of him to rape you. That's a very tough way to live.

I don't know if there are refuges for you to go to, and support with housing you could be offered if you leave?

I'm sorry you're in this situation.
If you stay: it's still not on you that he behaves like this.

 

[Teasel]

I'm sorry he did this to you @LucyLou Agree with others that you're not responsible for his behaviour.
Understand you reducing his chances of doing this BT you not staying there when he goes out, though he is still responsible for his behaviour