My Partner Is A Compulsive Liar And I Think Tricked Me Into Falling Pregnant

[Pebon]

Look, dump that sorry sad waste of space. Is this who you want to raise that innocent child with? A man who sleeps around and lies compulsively, someone you clearly cannot trust??? Get the blinders off and make that step out. You and your child are worth far more than this clown will ever be, and he will not change. Get some self respect if not for you, for your child. And walk. Now.

 

[Flubber]

Wow I didn't expect anyone to suggest that I take the child away from him! The only reason I am in a relationship with him at all is because of the child. I'm not considering changing that anytime soon. No children are at risk of abuse or neglect. We don't argue or abuse each other either.

All I want from him is the respect and dignity not to be lied to. I'm contemplating the motivation for his lying because it helps me to figure out if he can learn to stop lying. Since a sociopath probably cant stop lying but someone who has not been taught proper social skills from an early age may still have a hope of enlightenment. I'm trying to figure out which box to label him and then figure out if there is anything he can do to change it.

 

[Hoca]

You are not going to get that, and you are deluding yourself by thinking he is a good father. But, you have to live with it. You are being abused emotionally with the lying, and what you accept from him is what your child will learn to accept and bring into his/her relationships when they grow up. I stand by my words.

 

[Flubber]

I appreciate your opinion Hoca and you make some good point.

 

[Tubuco]

the beginning was that I could never have anymore children. I felt that this was crucial for my mental and physical well being

And then you "fell" pregnant.. Wow, what a bs! - Look, you can fall ill, but to say you "fell" pregnant, is a lie you tell yourself, to no have to deal with your own irresponsible acting. You said it yourself:

I know that condoms don't offer 100% protection

Exactly! You knew it already! If, and say it again, IF a woman really wants to make 100% sure she doesn't get pregnant, she'll always COMBINES 2 prevent measures, i.e. Implanon + condom / the Pill + condom / IUS + condom. Or she even considers a sterilisation! That would have been responsible acting - Not just using a lousy condom and then shift the "faulty-part" onto the sexual partner. Your own actions don't match your words! What a joke!

Later I found out that he had 5 other pregnancies with 2 different ladies which had all apparently been "accidents".

I really pity the child, because obviously, your lover doesn't seem to be the only irresponsible liar in this relationship.. Now, what do you think; How long will it takes, until he'll move on and knock up the next woman?

 

[Flubber]

To the poster above how have I lied exactly? You suggest I'm shifting the faulty part onto him, surely if it were the condom that failed it would be as much his responsibility as mine. We take equal responsibility.

The things I take responsibility for:
Having sex (there is always a risk with protection)
My decision to stay in a relationship with a person I don't like
How I feel

Things I don't take responsibility for:
Lying
Fraud
His previous sexual relationships and unplanned pregnancies
If he did deliberately impregnate me I would not take responsibility for that either. If I had proof I would report it to police. Hopefully he would go to jail.

 

[Ifase]

I am possibly being really naive, but if you always used a contraception with him,

We had always used contraception

then how are you suggesting he deliberately got you pregnant?

 

[Flubber]

I am possibly being really naive, but if you always used a contraception with him,

then how are you suggesting he deliberately got you pregnant?

I suspect he deliberately got me pregnant. Please remember these are my thoughts. I am not talking about this with anyone else. I made an anonymous post to discuss my feelings about it while protecting his identity.

My suspicion is based on based on his history of lying, multiple accidental pregnancies with previous partners and the unlikely hood (although still possible) chances of us becoming pregnant while using a condom. I'm not ruling out that we just had a really shitty condom but I worry that he may have damaged the condom as it seems characteristic for him to do something like that IMO. I guess I'll never know. I had a tubal ligation the day our son was born via c-sec. At least it will probably never happen again.

 

[Aha]

Multiple accidental pregnancies aren't uncommon if both parties aren't doing their part to prevent pregnancy. If the other women weren't taking the initiative using a form of birth control themselves, they are 50% responsible.

While condoms are 98% effective when used properly, the actual percentage of effectiveness is closer to 70% due to human error. A large percentage of guys don't even know that there is a right way and a wrong way to put on a condom.

Many men don't account for making sure they leave 1/2 inch at the tip to prevent breakage. Then they turn around and wonder why the condom broke.

I think the big thing here is the lack of any information given here on what YOU did to prevent pregnancy.

 

[Flubber]

Multiple accidental pregnancies aren't uncommon if both parties aren't doing their part to prevent pregnancy. If the other women weren't taking the initiative using a form of birth control themselves, they are 50% responsible.

While condoms are 98% effective when used properly, the actual percentage of effectiveness is closer to 70% due to human error. A large percentage of guys don't even know that there is a right way and a wrong way to put on a condom.

Many men don't account for making sure they leave 1/2 inch at the tip to prevent breakage. Then they turn around and wonder why the condom broke.

I think the big thing here is the lack of any information given here on what YOU did to prevent pregnancy.

What I did to prevent the pregnancy was ensure he wore a condom! Of course I am 50% responsible if there is an accidental pregnancy. He is also 50% responsible. I never said otherwise. I paid for the condoms and encouraged him to put them on. I don't need to justify which method of contraception I chose anymore than he does. It is my body and I decide what goes in it. There are reasons for this choice which I choose not to disclose. That it is.

I am trying to address the actual problem here which is the lying. He is ruining his own life (Can't hold down a job, friendship, committing illegal acts to cover his lies or for his own again). It is leaking into our lives too and although I don't play a part in his behaviour it is shameful and embarrassing because it reflects on our whole family. I want him to address that. Thank you to those of you who offered some ideas. Leaving him is not an option at this stage. I will look into counselling if he is willing.

Adding the part about being upset about the baby. I reread that and realised it sounded a bit like I was feeling sorry for my self and avoiding responsibility. It plays on my mind a lot that is all. Going to leave it there.

 

[Imuv]

Leaving him is ALWAYS an option. My own experience with liars is that it's not a problem for THEM and they aren't likely to change. If you can't trust him (and how could you?) why would you want to be anywhere near him?

 

[Flubber]

That is true, it is an option. I don't want to be with him but there are children (including 2 from previous relationship) to consider. Even if we did separate (and i'm not completely ruling that out) it would only benefit me. Since our son would always have his Dad in his life no matter what. The plan is to give him an opportunity to work on his problem and if that fails leave. There is no love between us but we do parent well together and we get along well, there are no arguments between us and the kids are happy and doing well. They are (so far) unaware of the lying. Its about deciding whether or not it would be more traumatic for them to break the family up or leave it as it is. Hoping for change but going by others comments it is unlikely and I worry they are probably right.