It's pretty strange being on this website; I'm not a veteran (though my fiance is- but this isn't about him) and I don't really know if I actually have PTSD. I have been seeing a therapist lately, discussing my life and problems that I have been having with being able to live my life like a normal person.
I guess I feel that my PTSD is from a man I used to know. He was charming, older and seemed to have his entire life together. I was young and naive, something I never thought I was. I only knew him for about 1 1/2 months but he impacted my life completely.
He was very controlling even from the start. He convinced me to quit my job- that would pay for anything I ever needed. He would come by my apartment in the morning to check on me, come again for 4-5 hours on a "lunch break" and then come back an hour later to check on me again. He always wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything he wouldn't approve of. He would stay until one a.m. or later, sometimes staying with me overnight. I never had someone so clingy around me in my entire life.
After three weeks or so I began pulling away from him; avoiding his phone calls, going out to shop or drink- just to stay away from him. When he realized how I was trying to dodge him, he decided to attack me through my friends and family. He went through my facebook friends (approx 700 at the time) and wrote an email to ALL of them, telling everybody my innermost fears and thoughts. All of a sudden I had people emailing, calling and texting me left and right telling me everything he was saying in those emails. It then went to my mother; he emailed her and told her lies, many lies. He told her that I was a drug addict, a prostitute and suicidal (all was untrue at the time). Since I was one of those "bad kids" growing up, of course my mother believed him. She cried every day.
He then targeted me; for three days straight he took off work to call my cell phone from a private number; over 157 times in ONE hour. I didn't want to leave my apartment, I was so terrified of him and what he would do with his money. I wouldn't go near windows in my apartment in case he was outside of them. I even trained my dog to use potty pads so I wouldn't have to go outside with her, fearing that he had hired a sniper to sit in the woods behind my apartment (I know it sounds completely ridiculous but at this point I had no idea what he was capable of).
He would sit outside of my apartment and call the local police, telling them I had assaulted him by scratching him and wanted me arrested. Thankfully, the police had already been alerted by my roommate at the time of what was going on.
On the third day of his relentless phone calls, I did something drastic. I couldn't take his calling, the fear of him being near my apartment, and I could NOT deal with my mother thinking of how disappointing I am as a person. I went into my bathroom and downed an entire bottle of aspirin and an entire bottle of OTC sleeping pills. I woke up later to discover that I was in the hospital on a 73-hour suicide watch.
After they released me, my mother continued trying to befriend this insane man and not believing anything I said. He continued to tell her private things I had told him, ranging from being molested as a child to the thought of my mother hating me- wishing she had gotten an abortion when she was pregnant with me. My mother continued to disapprove.
After months of not being able to leave my apartment, one day I left for a date with a man named Brandon. I never came back. My fiance, Brandon, makes me feel safe. He knows everything that happened to me and he still accepts me and loves me more than anything in his whole life.
Even though I have physically moved on, I never feel safe. I am always looking over my shoulder, watching the car driving behind me. I can still barely leave my house. I can barely even make it to work because I'm scared he will find me, though I moved and changed my phone number. He stole my social security card, birth certificate, passport, everything. All of that can be replaced, but he has stolen my freedom- the ONE thing I am afforded by the U.S. Constitution. But I can't do anything.
It will ALWAYS feel like I am a prisoner to this man.
I guess I feel that my PTSD is from a man I used to know. He was charming, older and seemed to have his entire life together. I was young and naive, something I never thought I was. I only knew him for about 1 1/2 months but he impacted my life completely.
He was very controlling even from the start. He convinced me to quit my job- that would pay for anything I ever needed. He would come by my apartment in the morning to check on me, come again for 4-5 hours on a "lunch break" and then come back an hour later to check on me again. He always wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything he wouldn't approve of. He would stay until one a.m. or later, sometimes staying with me overnight. I never had someone so clingy around me in my entire life.
After three weeks or so I began pulling away from him; avoiding his phone calls, going out to shop or drink- just to stay away from him. When he realized how I was trying to dodge him, he decided to attack me through my friends and family. He went through my facebook friends (approx 700 at the time) and wrote an email to ALL of them, telling everybody my innermost fears and thoughts. All of a sudden I had people emailing, calling and texting me left and right telling me everything he was saying in those emails. It then went to my mother; he emailed her and told her lies, many lies. He told her that I was a drug addict, a prostitute and suicidal (all was untrue at the time). Since I was one of those "bad kids" growing up, of course my mother believed him. She cried every day.
He then targeted me; for three days straight he took off work to call my cell phone from a private number; over 157 times in ONE hour. I didn't want to leave my apartment, I was so terrified of him and what he would do with his money. I wouldn't go near windows in my apartment in case he was outside of them. I even trained my dog to use potty pads so I wouldn't have to go outside with her, fearing that he had hired a sniper to sit in the woods behind my apartment (I know it sounds completely ridiculous but at this point I had no idea what he was capable of).
He would sit outside of my apartment and call the local police, telling them I had assaulted him by scratching him and wanted me arrested. Thankfully, the police had already been alerted by my roommate at the time of what was going on.
On the third day of his relentless phone calls, I did something drastic. I couldn't take his calling, the fear of him being near my apartment, and I could NOT deal with my mother thinking of how disappointing I am as a person. I went into my bathroom and downed an entire bottle of aspirin and an entire bottle of OTC sleeping pills. I woke up later to discover that I was in the hospital on a 73-hour suicide watch.
After they released me, my mother continued trying to befriend this insane man and not believing anything I said. He continued to tell her private things I had told him, ranging from being molested as a child to the thought of my mother hating me- wishing she had gotten an abortion when she was pregnant with me. My mother continued to disapprove.
After months of not being able to leave my apartment, one day I left for a date with a man named Brandon. I never came back. My fiance, Brandon, makes me feel safe. He knows everything that happened to me and he still accepts me and loves me more than anything in his whole life.
Even though I have physically moved on, I never feel safe. I am always looking over my shoulder, watching the car driving behind me. I can still barely leave my house. I can barely even make it to work because I'm scared he will find me, though I moved and changed my phone number. He stole my social security card, birth certificate, passport, everything. All of that can be replaced, but he has stolen my freedom- the ONE thing I am afforded by the U.S. Constitution. But I can't do anything.
It will ALWAYS feel like I am a prisoner to this man.
