my sisters friend is taken seriously but i'm not

[chihayafuru]

my family talk about my sisters friend who is now seeing a mental health professional which she likely paid for cause her boyfriend kept messing her around, wanting marriage and babies and then blocking her and dumping her and they're being like oh poor g she's been through so much with blabla, but they don't care that i was abused, blame me for not saying anything and getting him put back in prison and deny that things could have happened but if they did it apparently doesn't matter cause he's dead.
my family should take me seriously and believe me. why is my sisters friends abuse serious but mine didn't happen or doesn't matter cause he's dead or was made worse by me cause i said nothing and didn't seem upset at the time

 

[Rose White]

Did you tell your family that you want to go to a therapist?

 

[chihayafuru]

@OliveJewel they don't want me getting help and i rely on them so i can't

 

[Rose White]

I would suggest to keep asking them. They might get tired of you saying it over and over and just give in to not hear you ask it anymore.

Like the old saying, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

 

[chihayafuru]

they wouldn't they give me a lecture about how i need to move on or i don't see how that could happen, your sisters have been through worse

 

[Weemie]

my family should take me seriously and believe me.

Unfortunately there's not a whole lot we can do about other people's feelings and behaviors. In the case of those who don't take me seriously (when it's appropriate), I very seriously limit my interactions with those people. Up-to and including legit walking away from them while they're still speaking, because I have no interest in them. They don't owe me any kind of reaction, but I can choose to disengage from reactions that I personally dislike, so that is what I do.

This is what boundaries are, and you can have any kind of boundary you like about anything. (Whether or not other people will find your boundaries reasonable are another factor entirely, but you can choose not to interact with someone for any reason).

Boundaries aren't about shoulds and shouldn'ts - you're perfectly justified in feeling offended by your family's lack of approval - but expecting them to be different than they are will undoubtedly result in more pain in the long run. A boundary is something you do, rather than a tool to try and control others - because it simply doesn't work, and people won't do what you tell them to simply because it may be the morally correct thing.

It's probable that your family don't understand how to cope with the fact that you were abused, and their responses to you are a product of their guilt and judgment that they've foisted onto you. Shitty and flawed, but not something I would take personally. This is a reflection of them and their issues, not you. I would (and do) refuse to interact with someone who belittled my experiences in that way, though.

 

[whiteraven]

Unfortunately there's not a whole lot we can do about other people's feelings and behaviors. In the case of those who don't take me seriously (when it's appropriate), I very seriously limit my interactions with those people. Up-to and including legit walking away from them while they're still speaking, because I have no interest in them. They don't owe me any kind of reaction, but I can choose to disengage from reactions that I personally dislike, so that is what I do.

This.

 

[chihayafuru]

I rely on my family I'm not going to cut them off and when I have walked off I just get screamed at

 

[Movingforward10]

If you’re unable to leave your family, then it’s about accepting them as they are. Which is people who actively block your access to therapy and don’t understand what you have been through. The reasons why they do that, when they can show compassion to others? Who knows. I search for reasons too. But, we are never going to know as they will never be honest with us.
so: radical acceptance of the situation. Limiting your expectations of help from them.
not easy things to do and things I haven’t achieved, but if we keep wanting something from them that we won’t get, then we create more suffering for ourselves.

 

[chihayafuru]

They also took my sisters abuse seriously. Cause he treated me differently to them they think things didn't happen with me.

 

[Movingforward10]

They also took my sisters abuse seriously. Cause he treated me differently to them they think things didn't happen with me.

So it's accepting that this is how they treat you: differently to how they treat others.

 

[caroline_13]

my family talk about my sisters friend who is now seeing a mental health professional which she likely paid for cause her boyfriend kept messing her around, wanting marriage and babies and then blocking her and dumping her and they're being like oh poor g she's been through so much with blabla, but they don't care that i was abused, blame me for not saying anything and getting him put back in prison and deny that things could have happened but if they did it apparently doesn't matter cause he's dead.
my family should take me seriously and believe me. why is my sisters friends abuse serious but mine didn't happen or doesn't matter cause he's dead or was made worse by me cause i said nothing and didn't seem upset at the time

There is a world out there where you won't need to rely on your family.