Relationship My So/exso Has An Abusive Friend

[boodle]

It's hard to remember the good times but long term it may be more productive to remember the good times, remember why you loved them

Its strange, it at the moment I am having difficulty remembering the bad times. I'm just thinking about the good times. In some ways that is making it harder to be away. However, you are quite right, remember the good times, wish them well is the only long-term way.

The last good time together before this last blowup, it was "we are me & you"

Its such a common recurring theme on this forum. It happened to me too. The last good time we appeared to have such an understanding. She told me she loved me, it was like old times. Then within the blink of an eye I was some kind of monster that wasn't to be trusted. The verbal attack was vicious and bizarre. She overstepped a boundary and I had no option but to leave.
@TheMinsterman and @Mon15 I hope you are both managing, even if you can see just the tiniest bit of positivity at the moment.

 

[Mon15]

@boodle I'd like to think that I am managing well... I keep it together through the day, but if I have a long car ride it's no easy- that's my thinking time. And when I get home say my prayers I break down a little. I'd say the hardest thing lately is being in my previous work area where everyone knows us both and asks if we're still together or asks how things are going with us... I honestly don't know what to say, but try to keep it simple and say "it's going" for now. I'm sure they'll figure it out before long, but at least want to give it a month or so, before I say anything else or let them here it from him, which probably won't happen.

It's awful, that's for sure. All I want is to be cuddled up with him and doing our regular things together, like we did during the good days. You get in a routine with each other and when that's not flowing, I have to figure out ways of getting by without those things happening anymore. It's been 11 days since he walked away and I try not to count the days, but it's hard not too... half the time I don't even know what day of the week it is anymore unless someone else says.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Its strange, it at the moment I am having difficulty remembering the bad times. I'm just thinking about...

It will, at first. My ExSO is so different under the influence of the person who this thread is about, just like a total different person. She clearly has issues with their behaviour, but they work their charms on her and its "yeah it's fine, I'll be alright, I'm off to watch x with them".

Remembering the good is obviously hard when you know you'll never get it back, but it's just you won't get them back with that person. You'll make new ones with others, romantically or platonically, and in time we'll all (those who sadly lose them for good) be able to remember the valuable contribution those people made to our lives.

Time... It's awful because it drags, but it will be the healer. We have to feel what we need to feel, go through that process and grieve, eventually we'll be able to remember the good, forgive the bad (hopefully) and wish them well.

 

[boodle]

You'll make new ones with others, romantically or platonically, and in time we'll all (those who sadly lose them for good) be able to remember the valuable contribution those people made to our lives.

Thank-you for the lovely positivity in what is such a difficult time.

Time... It's awful because it drags, but it will be the healer

You hit the nail on the head. Day by day, hour by hour and sometimes just getting through minute by minute is so difficult. (Same for @Mon15 too reading your previous post). But sometimes medicine tastes so awful while it is healing us.