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Relationship My Spouse Has Ptsd And Now Im Suffering I Need Someone To Talk To
- Post starter MM123
- Start date
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In order to best help, we need to know a bit more about what's going on, what you're afraid of.
If you're afraid for your life, take the kids, take the dog (I.e., anything dependent that could get hurt) and go to a friend's house, shelter, hotel, whatever, just get to where you're safe.
If you're afraid for your life, take the kids, take the dog (I.e., anything dependent that could get hurt) and go to a friend's house, shelter, hotel, whatever, just get to where you're safe.
- Post starter
- #3
Its my bf. He has recently gone to conseling at the VA and this has changed him greatly. Hes not as happy, he stresses hard core. He even split up with me because hes overwhelmed and he said he needs to get himself help. Im concerned for his safety. He says his demons have been unleashed I care about him so much, Im new to this ptsd thing and he just left without telling me about his troubles, I dont understand why I cant be there to help. I cant focus on school were in college.
blue_eyes18
Silver Member
Hi there. Welcome :) are you able to give any additional information?
My ex partner has PTSD. That's what originally brought me to this forum, as well. I was at the end of my rope. Many of the members here were literal life savers for me. There are so many wonderful people here who are willing to help.
I know the heartache that is a part of living with someone with PTSD. If you ever need support, feel free to message me.
My ex partner has PTSD. That's what originally brought me to this forum, as well. I was at the end of my rope. Many of the members here were literal life savers for me. There are so many wonderful people here who are willing to help.
I know the heartache that is a part of living with someone with PTSD. If you ever need support, feel free to message me.
- Post starter
- #5
I yelled at him said really mean things, I apoligized. He held me and i kept pushing him away I didnt understand all this yet. And then when I did I wante dhim to come over and hold him and he pushed me away this time. Said he needed space that we might not be over yet. But I seriously dont know. I want my best friend back. Hes not himself. He contacts me everyday to check on me but im so hurt. weve never have had problems this is our first 'fiight'
digger
Sponsor
If you mean by possibly coming across the forum himself and finding your posts that way, I'd start by changing your username to something more anonymous if that's a real name you're using?
There also anonymous subforums (including a supporters one) where you could post without it being linked to your profile/account here.
Or post in more general terms without including specific details.
Or are your concerns that he might come across you posting because you share house/computer etc?
- Post starter
- #7
Friday
Sponsor
Well... Even if you're eyeballs deep in PTSD, know all the ins and outs, it's still a major trip. Meaning you can do everything 'right' and it still won't 'work'. So breathe. You made a mistake, and you both owned up and are working on fixing that.
Read a bit in the forums. You'll see the push-pull-push need for isolation is both common, and rarely the end of the world.
How long have you two been married? Did you know him before PTSD?
Read a bit in the forums. You'll see the push-pull-push need for isolation is both common, and rarely the end of the world.
How long have you two been married? Did you know him before PTSD?
blue_eyes18
Silver Member
Anger and distancing are all common parts of PTSD. PTSD is an anxiety disorder, so sometimes, all that anxiety from outside sources can get placed onto you.
Say, for example, that his PTSD symptoms are particularly bad and then his boss writes him up at work, his car won't start on the way home, and his mother calls him and stresses him out. Then when he gets home to you, you forgot to pick up his clothes from the dry cleaners, and BOOM - it just caused world war III. Sometimes, anger gets misplaced and doesn't seem proportionate to the thing you did. You're getting broken up with or yelled at for minor little things. At least this was my experience. It's not your fault and you have know this. And your partner has to recognize this, also. The fights and distancing aren't your fault.
The best thing you can do is to give him his space when he asks for it. If he's continuing to check on you, that's a really good sign. Try not to feel overwhelmed and just remind him you love him and are there for him. Learning the symptoms and how to cope with them and what they really mean is crucial. I encourage you to just look over this forum and just read as much information about PTSD and its symptoms as you can. The more you know, the better off you'll be.
Say, for example, that his PTSD symptoms are particularly bad and then his boss writes him up at work, his car won't start on the way home, and his mother calls him and stresses him out. Then when he gets home to you, you forgot to pick up his clothes from the dry cleaners, and BOOM - it just caused world war III. Sometimes, anger gets misplaced and doesn't seem proportionate to the thing you did. You're getting broken up with or yelled at for minor little things. At least this was my experience. It's not your fault and you have know this. And your partner has to recognize this, also. The fights and distancing aren't your fault.
The best thing you can do is to give him his space when he asks for it. If he's continuing to check on you, that's a really good sign. Try not to feel overwhelmed and just remind him you love him and are there for him. Learning the symptoms and how to cope with them and what they really mean is crucial. I encourage you to just look over this forum and just read as much information about PTSD and its symptoms as you can. The more you know, the better off you'll be.
- Post starter
- #10
Eleanor
Diamond Member
MM123 - here is my two cents for what it is worth. I too fell in love with a man with PTSD. My guy also has structural dissociation - meaning he "switches" personality from time to time. Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde type stuff. And I discovered... I switch too. It sounds like you might as well. When you are "at two" with yourself you really need to check in and take care of yourself. It sounds like you are both doing a "push-pull" thing. And that won't work long term. The part you can control is this: you can take care of yourself and your feelings. It is not his job to make you feel good, just as it is not your job to make him feel good. You can both feel better by enjoying each other, but at the beginning and end of the day adults are responsible for their own happiness and healing. If he has apologized and committed to a course of action not to repeat his actions, and you have also apologized for your overreaction and inability to deal with your own emotions and hurt then you will be able to go on. If not, you each probably need some help.
I have come back to this thread and the illustrations in it over and over again.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/trauma-reenactment-triangle.37612/
Be gentle with yourself and him.
I have come back to this thread and the illustrations in it over and over again.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/trauma-reenactment-triangle.37612/
Be gentle with yourself and him.
- Post starter
- #12
We are not married but have been together for a year and ahalf dating in college. hes told me about bits and pieces of his war stories but I never asked I feel that these are his personal stories. But he just left said it was nothing i did, he said he probably couldnt get a better girl even if he wanted too. Though he said he loved me but wasnt in lvoe with me. I dont believe that for a second. I know that boy loves me liek crazy. He said he didnt want me to get hurt but I am hurt not. I was realyl mean I didnt understand I thought this was another typical break up the guy gets scared and runs off. I said mean things but today I gave him an apology letter and he said tha tI need to focus on school work and to stop worrying about it. But I cant. It hurts.
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