michigangrl
New Here
This is hard, but here I go. I buried some traumatic events from this past year and now, since I've decided to deal with them, my symptoms are really bad. I am sobbing one minute, flaming mad another, feel violent toward the perpetrators, and I'm generally not fun to be around. It's sort of like PMS times 10. I don't even feel like I can leave the house. I only do when I have to, like grocery shopping or picking up my son from school. Have other people felt paralyzed by their symptoms? I'm now on Lithium, which has helped a ton. Getting on it took away my suicidal feelings. Now I will back up and explain how I got to today...
I worked at a large law firm with over 200 lawyers, as a recruitment professional. It was a great job, except that the hours were demanding, as were the lawyers. I needed legal advice because I was accused of a hit and run traffic violation. We only have one lawyer who does the criminal traffic work, and that was a guy who I had a feeling liked me. I e-mailed him the day the officer was coming over to write up my citations (no report was filed until after the incident). After I met with her, the male lawyer told me to come into his office because he wanted to show me a traffic law from a law book. When I leaned over to look at the law, he grabbed both of my buttocks really hard, and then my crotch. I was in shock. This is a really well-respected law firm in the community. I didn't know what to do, so I waited until the next day to tell my friend (a lawyer at the same firm). She was horrified and said I should report it to HR. I was really scared, but I did end up reporting it, only to be shunned by my friends. An internal investigation began and it was very stressful. I was allowed to take paid time off while the investigations went on. It sucked.
Then, to make matters worse, my supervisor blamed me for the incident and made fun of me all of the time. She accused me of having a relationship with the guy. I was angered, upset, confused and horrified. For the next 5 months on the job, she ridiculed me in any way possible. She made fun of my clothes, told me I was stupid, weak and responsible for the attack. Again, I was in shock. The person who was supposed to protect and defend me, my supervisor, totally stabbed me in the back. Eventually I resigned because I couldn't take the abuse anymore, and because I knew that she and other administrators were framing to fire me. So, I resigned and reported all of it to the EEOC. I encourage folks to do this if you have harassment or discrimination of any kind in the workplace. The EEOC has supported me and helped me in ways I never could have been otherwise.
My health took a beating this past year. I am now in a rural community (the firm was in a big city) and trying to heal. My body aches all over some days. I cry a lot. I've had flashbacks, although those have become less with the Lithium treatment. I'm going to a mental health facility for outpatient services. Group and individual counseling, and I have a new doctor for my meds. I cannot believe this is my life. I am 32 years old and my whole world has been turned upside down. My career at the law firm is gone, I am unemployed and in a new, smaller city. I moved here to start graduate school in January. I am excited about that.
Back to the symptoms, though. There are days when I am unable to leave my apartment to even walk my son to the bus stop. The crying - comes on unexpectedly, so I do not know what the triggers are. I get so raging angry some days, like I want to hurt someone. That is not my personality at all. I just, in general, feel out of sorts. It's pissing me off. I do not like being paralyzed by my feelings. It's bad enough I have bad PMS mood swings, let alone these symptoms. On top of all that, I have a rare form of bipolar. It just seems, some days, like it is all too much.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
I worked at a large law firm with over 200 lawyers, as a recruitment professional. It was a great job, except that the hours were demanding, as were the lawyers. I needed legal advice because I was accused of a hit and run traffic violation. We only have one lawyer who does the criminal traffic work, and that was a guy who I had a feeling liked me. I e-mailed him the day the officer was coming over to write up my citations (no report was filed until after the incident). After I met with her, the male lawyer told me to come into his office because he wanted to show me a traffic law from a law book. When I leaned over to look at the law, he grabbed both of my buttocks really hard, and then my crotch. I was in shock. This is a really well-respected law firm in the community. I didn't know what to do, so I waited until the next day to tell my friend (a lawyer at the same firm). She was horrified and said I should report it to HR. I was really scared, but I did end up reporting it, only to be shunned by my friends. An internal investigation began and it was very stressful. I was allowed to take paid time off while the investigations went on. It sucked.
Then, to make matters worse, my supervisor blamed me for the incident and made fun of me all of the time. She accused me of having a relationship with the guy. I was angered, upset, confused and horrified. For the next 5 months on the job, she ridiculed me in any way possible. She made fun of my clothes, told me I was stupid, weak and responsible for the attack. Again, I was in shock. The person who was supposed to protect and defend me, my supervisor, totally stabbed me in the back. Eventually I resigned because I couldn't take the abuse anymore, and because I knew that she and other administrators were framing to fire me. So, I resigned and reported all of it to the EEOC. I encourage folks to do this if you have harassment or discrimination of any kind in the workplace. The EEOC has supported me and helped me in ways I never could have been otherwise.
My health took a beating this past year. I am now in a rural community (the firm was in a big city) and trying to heal. My body aches all over some days. I cry a lot. I've had flashbacks, although those have become less with the Lithium treatment. I'm going to a mental health facility for outpatient services. Group and individual counseling, and I have a new doctor for my meds. I cannot believe this is my life. I am 32 years old and my whole world has been turned upside down. My career at the law firm is gone, I am unemployed and in a new, smaller city. I moved here to start graduate school in January. I am excited about that.
Back to the symptoms, though. There are days when I am unable to leave my apartment to even walk my son to the bus stop. The crying - comes on unexpectedly, so I do not know what the triggers are. I get so raging angry some days, like I want to hurt someone. That is not my personality at all. I just, in general, feel out of sorts. It's pissing me off. I do not like being paralyzed by my feelings. It's bad enough I have bad PMS mood swings, let alone these symptoms. On top of all that, I have a rare form of bipolar. It just seems, some days, like it is all too much.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
