My T Said I Seem Disconnected & I Don’t Know What She Means

[LucyLou]

My therapist said to me this morning that I seemed disconnected. I don't know what she means by this. She has said it before and I don't know why I've never asked. Is this a bad thing? I will ask her too but I won't speak to her now until next Tues

 

[arfie]

is disconnected the same thing as dissociation?

in my own understanding, it is a useful tool when used well. dissociating can get me through a long wait. a boring lecture or a host of other unpleasant necessities. used badly, i deprive myself of living life fully. it is a question of mindfulness and balance.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's not necessarily a bad thing in that you're not doing anything wrong. She may be highlighting a survival technique that you have.
Disconnecting emotionally to a stressful situation is a way of remaining functional.

However, in the healing process remaining disconnected means we're not getting in touch with the emotional pain to feel it and work through it and heal from it.

So maybe she's making you aware that you do this to, slowly and when you are ready, find a way to work through it and open the door to connecting to your feelings about the situation to be able to heal from it?

 

[LucyLou]

What can I even do about this myself?

 

[Movingforward10]

It sounds like you want to resolve it now and holding this is difficult?
I am like that too and it's really uncomfortable being in this position.
But, in my experience, it's a slow process as it's an ingrained way of being. I wasn't even aware I was disconnected because that's just how it's always been. Didn't know anything else. .so working on it was a long process. I had to become aware. I then had to know what triggered me into it. I then had to learn how to catch that before it happened. I then had to learn how to deal with emotions. Which was A LOT. Draining. Overwhelming. Slow. But then: being connected and not fearful of emotions is a better place to be.

Doing it yourself. Maybe the first step is to work out how being disconnected feels in your body? Nothing? Or something?

 

[LucyLou]

It's not something I even realised was a thing. I'm only thinking about it now because she has has started saying it in most sessions

 

[Movingforward10]

It's not something I even realised was a thing. I'm only thinking about it now because she has has started saying it in most sessions

Yeah. I never realised it was a thing too.
She's opening up doors for you to explore.

 

[LucyLou]

Therapist responded to my email

"Hi Lisa
There's no need to apologise, it's a good question! I can probably explain better on Tues but what it means to me is when you talk about things without the feelings attached. An example would be talking about something really difficult but in a matter of fact way like reeling off a shopping list. It can also mean distant/far away. It can be a coping strategy so nothing to worry about but it is something we can work on if you'd like to"

I'm probably being silly and putting my own spin know what she means.....but I feel like she's maybe doesn't think I'm genuine. She is so lovely and I hate that my mind jumps to all these conclusions.
I didn't even think of how I was being as an issue and I still don't understand because I have had full on emotional sessions with her....but I know sometimes I can go a bit quiet, so I don't know if she means that too.
I'm not the only one that gets like this, am I.
I really think I need someone to tell me that because I'm feeling a little emotional!

 

[Movingforward10]

means.....but I feel like she's maybe doesn't think I'm genuine.

100000000% she isn't saying that. Total opposite in fact.

She is saying:
Because of the trauma you have been through, you have survived it by creating a survival tactic of being disconnected to your emotions and yourself. So that when you talk about it, it is more matters of fact rather than incorporating the traumatic feelings with it.
It a stragey so many of us on here use/have used, as it saves us from the deep pain trauma evokes.
She is saying she can see the impact of the trauma you have been through. And that this disconnect is a symptom of trauma.
She is also saying that she's glad you emailed and asked, and you can ask more about it in the session, and she can help you to work through this.
She's here for you.

I'm not the only one that gets like this, am I.

No not at all!

You're doing fine. Absolutely fine. She's got you on this.

 

[Freddyt]

We should call it the Frank Dreben effect "Move along, nothing to see here"

We all have it, to some degree or another.

A big part of therapy is getting the events and emotions back together, so your brain can process them and they go from being our present to being our past.

 

[abovedown]

is disconnected the same thing as dissociation?

in my own understanding, it is a useful tool when used well. dissociating can get me through a long wait. a boring lecture or a host of other unpleasant necessities. used badly, i deprive myself of living life fully. it is a question of mindfulness and balance.

Is dissociation like being in your own thoughts or is it something more specific? I tend to spend much of my time in my head

 

[arfie]

what i call dissociation feels like a void. no thoughts. no feelings. no connections. nobody home. i have been through catatonic dissociation and? ? ? may i never again live through THAT experience. coming back was rough.

spending too much time in my head is the precursor to dissociation. as my awareness of the phenom has grown, mindful management of the phenom has gotten easier and easier. or so i believe. just believing.