My Therapist Did Nothing When I Reached Out For Help

[GWhizz]

Yes that's why I said I understood her point of view when she expressed that they can't stop someone really intent on it. But in my circumstance, I was afraid of myself and didn't trust myself not to go through with it. I am a super honest person and, although it's paradoxical in a way, I wanted to do it to protect those close to me from my issues, yet I also didn't want to hurt those people either by making an ultimately selfish choice. I'm not saying suicide is always selfish, but in my case it is because I feel done reexperiencing etc. I would never have reached out if I didn't want to at least try to rationalise my thoughts.

Unfortunately those group programmes run during the week in block periods as far as I know and I have just returned to work after a year out committing to negotiating my issues! Also, my T and psychiatrist would have to refer me onto such a programme as they are my team overall. They disagreed with it on that occasion so I doubt they'd be willing.

I just feel really disillusioned after fighting so hard to get help. Why are these people working with vulnerable people if they can't engage and react to crises?! My T did begin some DBT but really only gave me worksheets to take home. She never explained how to rate the distress scores etc and even though I wrote these questions down on the forms she never clarified or offered any feedback. Just moved on and away from it. I honestly can't even say where therapy with her is going. I feel like I direct our sessions and that's not even going anywhere because I can't speak most of the time!

 

[Abstract]

I have to say that what occurred to me at the beginning is if she has totally misjudged you and sees this as a form of manipulation. You getting attention or having her take responsibility for you. Sometimes when people are very chronically suicidal and there is suspicion of BPD traits specifically some schools of thought advise to shift responsibility over to the person. I hope that isn't the case and I hope me saying it isn't unhelpful and makes you feel worse. There should still be all the plans etc in place in situations like that too which she hasnt done. Its very obvious this is not what you are doing and if there is this going on then she just plain has it very wrong. Formal DBT can be a little like this sometimes. Especially when the compassionate part is left off too much. I agree that regardless she has totally misread what you need here and seems out of her depth.

Its possible you arent getting better because she doesn;t really know what she is doing with trauma. And in fact her not getting that the trauma symptoms and not how bad your present life circumstances look are the source of your hopelessness is another indication of her lack of understanding of trauma.

Really glad you are still around and really sorry you are in such an awful situation with a t who is little to now help to you.

 

[GWhizz]

I have to say that what occurred to me at the beginning is if she has totally misjudged you and sees th...

Thanks for this @Abstract. This is really insightful. I think you are right on the mark. I felt paranoid thinking it but nothing she did made sense. I really believe she thinks I am manipulating or attention seeking. Too bad because I seriously don't have time for mind games in my life! It took a lot to juggle to give the time to attend her in the first place. I feel as if I've wasted over 2 years of my life trying to engage this service.

I don't know how to end it because she never takes me seriously when I look for a closing session, always manages to convince me to come again. I feel like I need to say something though. Maybe a call or a letter. It's like a kick in the guts how much I entrusted to this person and when I really needed her she couldn't step up and offer any helpful support. I'm so tired of therapy. It's taken so much out of me and away from my family. I don't even know what I'm meant to do if I feel strong urges again in the future. I wish therapists around here actually specialised.

 

[whiteraven]

Thanks for this @Abstract. This is really insightful. I think you are right on the mar...

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I can't offer any advice, as it sounds eerily similar to something I am going through right now, but I hope you will go with your gut when it comes to staying with this therapist or not.

It's so hard, I know. I'm going to share my story in another post (don't want to hijack yours :-), if you want to look for and hear my own thoughts on the isssue.

Please take care.

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks @whiteraven I am sorry you're experience is similar. I have to accept that while some people want to help, they may not always be ready to accept nor admit their individual shortcomings. They may fail to realise that they can in fact make things worse not better. My T always says there is a chance she may not help me but there's nothing to lose trying. Setting aside the fact that I want to improve, I actually feel a lot worse attending a service that leaves me to my own devices when in an unstable frame of mind.

I don't mind you sharing here at all. I find it hard not to threadjack when giving anecdotal information! Feel free to pm me if you feel like sharing.

It's hard trusting my gut because I dissociate so much I tend not to trust myself. That and I feel as if I have such messed up attachment that I sabotage good relationships for myself. But I think after a few years in this service I need to at least step back and hopefully I will gain more clarity in doing so.

 

[Muttly]

I don't know how to end it because she never takes me seriously when I look for a closing session, always manages to convince me to come again. I feel like I need to say something though. Maybe a call or a letter. It's like a kick in the guts how much I entrusted to this person and when I really needed her she couldn't step up and offer any helpful support. I'm so tired of therapy. It's taken so much out of me and away from my family. I don't even know what I'm meant to do if I feel strong urges again in the future. I wish therapists around here actually specialised.

What if you did a letter? Have you thought about what you would say? Do you want to share here? In the letter, could you share that it is not helpful to have her ask you to come in again. You've been doing it because she's asked but that's not beneficial so please don't ask again.

Another question, do you need a closing session? What would you get out of it?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I wish therapists around here actually specialised.

@GWhizz have you considered the possibility that you might not have looked in the right places for a ptsd aware therapist.

On my very first session when my therapist saw me disassociate when asked about abuse on the client history forms said straight out that she was not qualified to handle Abuse/PTSD sessions, while still continuing to see her, she referred me to life crisis center, the same people in our area that deal with rape victims, and domestic violence victims, the same ones that go to court with victims. The also deal with past abuse, and they are right on the money when it comes to abuse therapy.

You might want to look for a similar center in your area. I don't know what they do for victims in your area. If they have something similar even if they don't deal with past abuse, they may be the best people to find out who is the best for your needs.

 

[whiteraven]

Thanks @whiteraven I am sorry you're experience is similar. I have to accept that whi...

I definitely understand the frustration you're going through. Esp. not being sure if it's your perception or if this woman really simply isn't able to help. I have been with my therapist for 4+ years and I like him immensely for several reasons. I've grown a lot with him, but in the last year or so I've been suffering so much and trying to get him to hear that it is *more* than the depression, and he just hasn't. He mostly keeps telling me (until very recently, anyway) that in order to get better, *I* need to help myself.

Now, to understand where he is coming from, you have to know that he is a Zen priest, in addition to being a psychologist. He believes (as do I) that our thoughts/way of thinking create(s) our suffering. So at the very foundation, we are responsible for how we feel. It is our responses to what happens to us that causes us to suffer. I also believe that, at my core, but he has not been providing the support I've needed to get out of this huge, huge black hole I've been in. And he's been treating depression all this time, not really listening to me when I've been saying it's something more.

With him, because I really, really don't feel like moving on to someone else is an option (trust issues, mostly, but also because he's really helped me move forward with some spiritual issues), I have tried to understand where all this is coming from. I have thought of leaving, several times, and he has said he would support that if I thought he was not helping. But I have had several small breakthroughs this past year and, after emailing him several times about my extreme disappointment in him and the way he has been reacting in session, he has finally started being more proactive and is doing a lot more to help me in ways that I think are *actually* helpful.

For a long while, I was suffering more when I went to therapy because he wasn't doing his job. I think if you are in a position like that and you like your therapist, then you need to be very upfront and clear about it, about what you need and want, and if they do not respond to your benefit, you need to do what's best for you. If you don't like your therapist, or you don't have much invested in therapy, then this might be the perfect opportunity to move on to someone who will be 100% invested in you.