Medical My uterus is finally gone, but it didn't feel like much of a choice.. Any CSA survivors with a full hysterectomy?

[Muttly]

I've never seen such an assumptive reply,

In a group like this, with many people from all over the world, with different cultures and experiences it's usually best to ask questions of others instead of assume their intent. I'm not completely sure what you mean by "assumptive" but I read @Upside Down Eagle reply very differently. Probably because I've had similar experiences. When I had my hysterectomy, for medical reasons, I hadn't realized I was transmasculine. I don't know their experience or exactly what they meant in their post, but I could see me saying "turns out" I was trans talking about the process I went through.

ETA- accidently posted before I was done.

 

[Muttly]

Ok, sorry, hit the post button by mistake...

Mainly the "confirmed" part for memories

That's pretty common around here. If the abuse happened when you were very young, were dissociated, under the influence of drugs/alcohol, etc you may not remember the abuse. For me, there are things I *know* happened and things I think happened. It's taken many years to become ok with the fact that there are things I will never be certain of.

You *do* understand that perpetrators will lie about the abuse they made someone go through, especially if it will make them appear as bad as they were, yes??

There is confirmation from the abuser, but that is just one type of confirmation. Early on I had sort of hoped that other family members might confirm that they noticed or suspected something. There's also confirmation that comes from actually having full memories. I'm sure there are many other types of confirmation. Of course, I don't know what @Upside Down Eagle meant, just my own experiences and what I've seen others post about here.

Now, back to your original post.

A lot of what you are going through post-hysterectomy is very normal. My doctor warned me that there could be a grieving process. She said a lot of women miss their uterus. For me, that seemed strange. I had so much hate towards any female part of my body, that I couldn't imagine grieving it. And I didn't, but I did have feelings of being defective. Like it was just more proof my body and I were flawed.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Again I'd like to apologize, I never meant to assume anything, much less discredit anybody.

I was talking purely about my own experience. Which is, that I absolutely loathed the gendered parts of my body, and it absolutely felt related to sexual trauma. And then when I had my surgeries (all of them), I felt much better because they were gone.

The other part is that my memories aren't clear (scrambled/hazy) (as per also the description above) and I do not want to make any claims about things I may be disremembering, meaning I can't claim to be a csa survivor because I am just not 100% sure.

In my experience, once you process the grief (and once your body heals completely), it starts to feel quite natural.