My Way To Fight Back

[Deleted member 12723]

:hug:

 

[Anrish]

Sorry to hear about your nightmares....and I'm glad about the dog. You'll do great. :laugh:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Once again it's been a while since my last post here. I think it is because nothing has really changed recently. I have my ups and downs, but rarely anything significant happens. Which is both good and bad, I suppose.

I have been looking online for a good trauma therapist, but it turns out to be quite hard to find a good match with someone who actually is open to new clients at the moment. I don't want the standardised, impersonal kind of therapy, because I feel that I have too many underlying issues for that to work. Also, I want to achieve a permanent state where I no longer need antidepressants.

I've been feeling quite lonely, so I try to socialize a bit more. That helps, but I still feel like something's missing. I wish I had someone I could really be open with, show them every symptom and unhealthy coping mechanism without fearing that I'll drag them down with me. Perhaps that's part of the reason why I've become so focused on having a dog.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Snowwhite I am sorry that you are having such a hard time in finding a trauma therapist. But I do admire you for you not giving up.

How are you and the dog getting along now? I imagine that this dog helps you very much.

Yeah, it is not the same when you are not here.:hug:

 

[RussH]

Dogs can be great therapist. They listen attentively, especially if you scratch their ears while you talk, and they never criticize you. A dog can never offer advice, but they offer loads of love and acceptance.

As you know Snow, I am always in your corner.

 

[SeanCharles]

One of the most important lessons that I had a dog teach me, at a very early age, when I went 'missing' and a dog that was a kindred spirit, like myself was at the time is unconditional love. This dog, stayed with me as a guardian at the time until the help that found me took me home several miles from where I ended up.

I agree 100% with @RussH Dogs are great as a therapist! :) The best of luck looking for a special dog who may also be looking for you! :)

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@gizmo thank you for your support and sweet words :hug:
I am actually still waiting to hear from the organisation about the dog. I'll be able to take care of one starting at the end of this week, as my work shifts will finaly be shorter (and less frequent) by then. But it's constanly on my mind and I can't wait until I get a call! I'll keep you updated :)

@RussH you are so right about dogs being a great therapist. Do you have any pets? I love how sensitive they are. They will even come up and comfort you when you're sad. They are absolutely wonderful. And so are you :hug:

@SeanCharles wow, did you read my whole diary? Judging from the number of notifications I got, you very well may have! Thank you very much for taking such an interest in my humble life.
I love your story about how a dog saved you like that. It is absolutely beautiful. I'm very sorry you went through such terrifying times, but I'm also glad you had someone by your side at one point.
Hugs :hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Just a quick update: today I filled out an application form for psychotherapy! I'm hoping to hear back from them soon and to get accepted as a client.

 

[Anarchy]

:):hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::tup:

Fantastic!

My personal; view - I'm finding it so much easier with a T to ask questions that I would never have thought of asking about myself.
hope it works as well for you :hug:
@

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Crossing my fingers for you. I hope that it turns out to be a good fit for you and that you can deal with everything.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you so much for your support, guys! :hug: :hug: :hug:
Still haven't heard back from the therapist, so I'll give them a call later this week.

Yesterday I had a pretty great first day back at uni. I reconnected with two friends and the classes were actually quite interesting. I was really happy to have retrieved my motivation to study.

Today is more tough. The teacher suddenly started talking about rape and the freeze-response to fear, which was a massive trigger for me. So I walked out and stayed away for almost 20 minutes to gather myself. I hoped to just get back without getting much commentary, but one of my friends (who means well, but can be quite tactless at times) immediately and loudly asked me if I was "show leaving" because I left during this topic. When I replied with an excuse for my absence, she started laughing and joking about how pathetic it would be if people would actually leave because of this topic.
If only she knew.

At first, my friend's reaction hurt me a lot, because I have trouble taking myself seriously as it is, and she made me feel very embarrassed and a bit humiliated. But now I realise that her tough demeanor is just her defense mechanism (she's been through some stuff, too) and that she was just trying to tease me a little. If she had known about my ptsd, I don't think she would have done this.

So now I have to work for a few hours. I was supposed to hang out with a friend after, but unfortunately she had to cancel.I'll try to make the best of my evening off and will hopefully catch up on some studying.

 

[Anarchy]

:hug::hug::hug::hug: