My Way To Fight Back

[Deleted member 19804]

Thanks for the suggestion, @Anarchy :) I'll be sure to check it out!

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Sorry, this is gonna be a bit of a grumpy post. Today was hard. I got really stressed during work because I felt distrust towards a customer, even though I couldn't prove they meant any harm. Discussed it with my boss and she shared my concern, but you can't kick someone out based on a gut feeling.
I also finally got to do a new task that all of my coworkers had already done, which would be nice, but they gave me the instructions about 6 weeks ago so I only remembered about half of it. Which meant I had to ask for help with that, so that made me feel like an idiot.
I'm usually really good at my job and I've been asked several times to help train new employees, but lately I've been struggling. I guess it's the stress of my studies and personal life combined that's just getting the best of me. :(

Also got annoyed today because my university will be throwing some huge expensive party for the students of my faculty, while they are actually cutting back on the funds for education. So we learn less from overworked teachers, but hey, at least we get to attend performances of freaking DJs and comedians in return. Seriously, is this what I'm in such a huge debt for?! :mad:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

:eek::speechless::arghh;

 

[Deleted member 19804]

These past few days have been so hard. I don't know if I can take it any longer.

My dad is showing very distressing signs of being suicidal, but I don't know how to help him. Yesterday on my lunch break I saw ambulance workers try to revive the lifeless body of a middle aged man and it wasn't working. I went away and just started crying. He's very probably dead.

I'm over stressed and I had to work late and have to go back to work tomorrow. I've already called in sick too often so I have to be there.

I called a suicide hotline to ask them for help with my dad but they just said that if he doesn't want help there's not really something I can do. I can only talk to his and my GP and hope that somehow helps and wait for something serious to happen so I have the right to call an ambulance.

I'm just feeling desparate right now! I can't do all of this. I need to save my father but I don't know how and he won't let anyone help him.

I wish I didn't have to do this all alone. :cry:

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Snow,
I think that you and your mum going to the GP is a good idea

I'm putting this down as my thoughts, other people are welcome to criticize and somehow we'll see if we can get you useable advice and plans

You can help the GP along, GPs are generalists so the GP might not be fully up to speed on suicide and treatment for suicidality. Can you search in your area to find out whether anyone is offerring DBT programmes?

DBT is the only treatment which has proven effective in clinical trialls in reducing suicidality (mentalization therapy is showing promise but it doesn't have the track record yet that DBT has). please tell the GP this.

See if you can persuade the GP to see your father, and to see if the GP can persuade him to go for an assessment with the people who are doing the DBT

If there is no one doing DBT, see if you can find a psychiatrist near by with suicidality as one of their interests, and see if you can get the GP to get your dad an appointment with them.

good luck
this is a hugely difficult situation for all of you
:hug:@

 

[Deleted member 12723]

:hug:

 

[Anrish]

Your dad can be glad to have such a wonderful daughter. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you guys so much for your help and your kindness :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry I haven't updated on this yet. A lot has happened in the past week, but bottom line is that I'm feeling much better.

A few days ago I had one of those deep conversations with my dad. The kind that I really hate but that are also very important. I expressed to my dad how incredibly worried I was about him. At first he tried to laugh it off and make jokes about it, but I didn't let him get off that easily. I made sure to keep the conversation focused on the fact that I fear he might decide to commit suicide. He eventually did tell me that he had been very depressed before (I remember those days, they were horrible), but he had no intention to ever kill himself. It was obvious he did not like talking about his current feelings, so to be sure my message got through, I made him promise me to never do such a thing. To never leave me behind like that. And he did promise me.
We hugged and I cried. I do feel like a huge weight has fallen off my shoulders. However, I will keep an eye on him. I know how good he is at pretending to be fine and all the tricks he uses to convince people of how happy and cheerful he is. I use a lot of those very same tricks.

@Anarchy thank you for the suggestion for DBT. It does sound like something that might help him. One thing I did read about it is that part of it is group therapy. That may be a problem. If there's anything my dad hates more than opening up to a therapist, it's opening up to a T plus a room full of strangers x)

I have come up with the idea to write my dad a letter for father's day, containing loads of happy memories and things I love about him. I don't want it to be too strongly related to me being worried about him, though. I want him to know that I love spending time with him and that I don't just do that in order to keep an eye on him.

 

[Anarchy]

It's good that you were able to talk to him, even if it was difficult for both of you.:hug:

The group part of DBT is for skills training, the actual therapy part is one on one.

There are also very strict rules about what participants can talk about to each other - for example if someone had recently self harmed, they're not allowed to share that with the group, as behaviours like that have been found to spread through the groups.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am happy for you with the conversation with your dad:hug:

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@Anarchy that sounds pretty good actually. That way people don't drag others down with them when things are tough. I'll definitely consider suggesting this form of therapy to him. This past weeks he's made some very good steps forward. He's enjoying his work as a volunteer and doing a great job at it, too. He's also going to more social events, like a reunion of his primary school and going on motorbike tours with a group of people. I don't know if he'll ever even consider going back to therapy, but if he does I'll be sure to mention DBT to him. Thank you so much for that suggestion. :hug:

@gizmo thank you. I'm happy about it, too :hug: