Name Changes

[KP the nut]

sorry I tried to edit my spelling

I have corrected your post. Please be mindful of basic grammar and spelling.

 

[tartella]

Curious if anyone else has seriously considered changing their name or has changed their name...

Yes, I changed my name legally when I was 23. That was 19 years ago. I was named after my father, who physically and emotionally abused my entire family, sexually abused my sister, who in turn abused me when I was eight.

I had to post a notice in the local newspaper, wait 30 days (if I recall correctly), then go to court and file a petition, swearing that I was not doing it to escape debt or to otherwise commit fraud. A couple of weeks later, I received a copy of the signed court order.

My father's side of the family never spoke about it, my father himself deflected it. Even though my decision was based on rage, I still felt like I'd done something wrong. It didn't feel affirming, like I had a right to do it. I didn't feel like it was the gutsy move others saw.

I found out earlier this year the full extent of my father's abuse of my sister and have been in therapy for ptsd and related issues for six months now.

The upshot of all this is that I am anything but ashamed of my changed name. It represents freedom from abuse and my abuser.

 

[Springer80]

I've thought about it seriously it was quite a while ago now. I think I was doing it becuase I was trying to think of anything that might help me recover and it seemed like a significant and effective thing to do. However, I was desperate and clutching a straws so I was approaching it the wrong way round.

I haven't thought about it in a while actually. I did feel at one point that arbitrarily changing my name wouldn't help me actually heal and I think thats right. So I am okay with my given name now and I am proud of who I am regardless of the fact it doesn't mean anything to me and is the property of my abusers family. However, I think it's also pertinent that I never found a name that fitted with me correctly either...maybe you have to get past a certain stage to find what that is.

I think doing it is wonderful for those who become empowered from it.

 

[Springer80]

It seems to come from them feeling that they can't "allow" it because their outlook on life is under attack. I think it has the same feeling as people disapproving of someone giving up a well-paid career and financial security to follow a passion.

I think that's exactly it. I do see it that way, too, and still can't relate. Why is "different" so threatening to some?

Please have a gander (take a look) under the Events heading on the main forums page and see 'All in the Mind, BBC Radio4' it is a programme on what happens when someones fundamental beliefs are challenged and proved wrong. Admittedly it uses a different scenario, doomsday believer clans, but it more focuses on the neurology of smashed life beliefs.