Narc Ptsd And Reenactment Issues?

[joeylittle]

@EveHarrington - I don't see any aggression here. Note that @Ragdoll Circus suggested the OP start a new thread to address specific issues, the OP says clearly this was on their mind already, and they only refer to disagreement in the context of acknowledging their own pattern of behavior.

Use ignore if you need.

Any more comments from any party on this specific issue will result in threadbans.

 

[Thizette]

Something I did with a support group was to make a map of family relationships. It was a three generation family tree, but we drew different types of lines between people to represent controlling relationships, physical abuse, manipulation, estrangement, and every family members name might have symbols around it to represent personality traits, mental illness, addiction. When I drew mine out, oh man it was so f*cked up, you wouldn't even believe it. What it did for me was make obvious which problematic behaviors I learned from my family of origin. When I thought about my friendships after that, it was easy to see what patterns I was recreating because I just didn't know how to do any differently. That made it a lot easier for me to forgive myself and work on better behaviors, and when I got healthier, so did my relationships. If you're not into getting out the markers and doing a project like this, it may still be worthwhile to list every problematic relationship and behavior you can label in your family of origin.

 

[xraydave]

Something I did with a support group was to make a map of family relationships. It was a three generat..

this is an unbelievably interesting method. i think i will try to map out my behaviours, i dont know much about my grandparents but i will look into determining their traits from my parents .

again, this is really interesting, and ive done something just a tiny bit similiar to this in the past when i mapped out a personality tree for my family. because im really interested in the study of personality. thanks for telling me. :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Thizette that sounds like an intresting project.

Correct me if im wrong but it sounds more like learning where/how you learned or didnt learn certian things and not necessarly genetic info, correct? I just want to make sure im understanding the project correctly.

Either way @xraydave if you do that project, just personally i would keep in mind that though my parents did/didnt do XYZ and thats where i learned or didnt learn XYZ, Id always keep in mind that today Im still responsible for my behavior. The only reason i say that is because, to me, it seems to be a good way to almost cop out. Like i grew up like one would in a horror movie and even the stuff i re-enact in adulthood im responsible for, even though im sure psycopathy was/is present in my parents, im still responsible today how i treat others. It can clarify but id hate to see someone do that and chalk it all up to genetics. Again, im trying to not assume and its why i posed the question before the statements of how id approach the project.

It sounds like a great project for understanding, self awareness, self forgiveness etc.

 

[Thizette]

@Thizette that sounds like an intresting project.

Correct me if im wrong...

Exactly--it's behavior mapping, not genetic stuff, and it definitely should not be used to excuse current negative behaviors. The thing is, it's easier to understand how and why you have the negative behaviors to begin with. It reduces blame and makes it easier to be gentle with yourself when you slip. In the group we called it "emotional sobriety". Another interesting effect of the project was that I became less harsh in judging my mother for not seeing the abuse--she was acting out things she learned from her family. She's since improved (I don't know how or why) and I've improved, and our relationship is better than it has ever been.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I see @Thizette i sort of did this outloud with my therapist. Telling him of what i knew of my mother's raising and then some possibles. It helps to know how she got sucked into such a thing. No excuse for it at all but it helps forgiveness, which is for me and not her anyway.

ETA: Now that I re-read that, I must add that just because my mother came from an abusive past doesnt mean that i can treat others like shit, Im still responsible for my own behavior. Just felt, for some reason, that I needed to tack that on.