Hi everyone !
I needed to get this off my chest, as I don’t have anyone to vent to right now. Thanks for reading.
I’m struggling with very critical, judgmental, and narcissistic parents. They constantly point out my brother’s and my flaws, often saying things like they wish they had someone else’s children. They’ve never acknowledged any of our strengths or achievements—everything is always taken for granted, while they only focus on the positive aspects of other people’s children.
This constant criticism is taking a heavy toll on me. My self-esteem is at the bottom. When I try to respond, it’s like talking to a wall. I don’t know if it’s a lack of emotional intelligence or just a closed mindset, but communicating with them seems impossible. Even though my brother and I don’t live with them anymore, we stay in close contact. Please don’t suggest cutting ties. Aside from this, my parents have done so much for us, and I’m just looking for a way to stop being hurt by their words and stop seeing my value through their eyes, which seems to be nothing.
For instance, my mother often says things like, “Go put on some makeup; I won’t take you like this to see my friends, if only you've seen their daughter” or, “When are you going to get married? It’s getting late, and I want to be at peace before I die. If you respond, they will say something like "I will die and you will regret saying this".
My brother and I have achieved a lot academically (I thought this was supposed to make them proud?), have always been exemplary in many ways, and we’ve even helped them financially. But they keep ignoring all of this, focusing only on the negative. Recently, my mother told me—while being perfectly calm—“We sacrificed everything for you and your brother, but you’ve never done anything to make us happy.” That hurt so much, but I couldn’t find the words to respond.
Just to clarify, we’ve never done anything harmful. My brother and I are both pursuing very challenging career paths, which makes it hard to have a stable life right now—but you can’t have everything at once, right? We’ve never needed their support more than we do now, but all we get is criticism. When I hear my colleagues describe how their parents are understanding and supportive, I can’t help but envy them. I try to imagine how much less harsh life might have been if my parents were like that. Of course, I’ve tried to express this during their comparisons, but it never changes anything. :'(
I needed to get this off my chest, as I don’t have anyone to vent to right now. Thanks for reading.
I’m struggling with very critical, judgmental, and narcissistic parents. They constantly point out my brother’s and my flaws, often saying things like they wish they had someone else’s children. They’ve never acknowledged any of our strengths or achievements—everything is always taken for granted, while they only focus on the positive aspects of other people’s children.
This constant criticism is taking a heavy toll on me. My self-esteem is at the bottom. When I try to respond, it’s like talking to a wall. I don’t know if it’s a lack of emotional intelligence or just a closed mindset, but communicating with them seems impossible. Even though my brother and I don’t live with them anymore, we stay in close contact. Please don’t suggest cutting ties. Aside from this, my parents have done so much for us, and I’m just looking for a way to stop being hurt by their words and stop seeing my value through their eyes, which seems to be nothing.
For instance, my mother often says things like, “Go put on some makeup; I won’t take you like this to see my friends, if only you've seen their daughter” or, “When are you going to get married? It’s getting late, and I want to be at peace before I die. If you respond, they will say something like "I will die and you will regret saying this".
My brother and I have achieved a lot academically (I thought this was supposed to make them proud?), have always been exemplary in many ways, and we’ve even helped them financially. But they keep ignoring all of this, focusing only on the negative. Recently, my mother told me—while being perfectly calm—“We sacrificed everything for you and your brother, but you’ve never done anything to make us happy.” That hurt so much, but I couldn’t find the words to respond.
Just to clarify, we’ve never done anything harmful. My brother and I are both pursuing very challenging career paths, which makes it hard to have a stable life right now—but you can’t have everything at once, right? We’ve never needed their support more than we do now, but all we get is criticism. When I hear my colleagues describe how their parents are understanding and supportive, I can’t help but envy them. I try to imagine how much less harsh life might have been if my parents were like that. Of course, I’ve tried to express this during their comparisons, but it never changes anything. :'(
