K
keylan13
I have posted here a couple of times before. At this point I don't know where to turn. My boyfriend has combat ptsd. He has been home for four years and in that time he has been unsuccessful at any relationship he has chosen. He lost his wife right after he came home. He had just found out about his ptsd and wasn't handling it well. She is a great woman but he pushed her away and is honest about that. He had a very toxic relationship that went off and on for a couple of years. His family has told me that this woman would manipulate the situation until he was so sick mentally he would do something crazy and then she would cry out to everyone for attention. I've been told that because of her he was committed a few times. She is not an issue any longer having moved on thank God. He had one other (what he claims to be) serious relationship. She cheated on him and it was over after a couple of months. These are the women he has told me he has loved before me.
His family tells me that other than his ex wife, there is no love there. There is obsession where the one is involved but it has gotten so bad with her involved that his family has basically banned the woman from ever entering his life again. He says he loved the woman that cheated on him but again his family says that it lasted at most a couple of months and in reality there was no love there, just a honeymoon stage interrupted by her cheating.
Then there's me. We met 2 years ago. Both of us clicked almost immediately. Because he has ptsd and because he is 7 yr younger than me, we both tried to keep it very casual. Things just kept falling into place though and in 6 months we were "officially together" SInce then we have had our moments, we have even dealt with a breakdown before, but nothing like now. We lived together but he would never give up his apartment for fear he would have no where to run to if things went bad. Something he was honest about. Other than that we have literally spent almost every day and night together for the past year and a half.
We have been happy, or so I thought. Our kids love each of us. His daughter lives in my house now. Every October, my boyfriend starts to go downhill. There is a lot packed into Oct-Dec. He has a lot of anniversaries. Anniversaries from he war, not great ones.Anniversary of when he came home from the war. This is the time of year his marriage fell apart. This is time of year he was committed, that crazy lady made his life hell. He had a terrible mother who told him and his siblings they weren't worth it when it came to Christmas. So what Ive been told by his family is that every year around this time he basically loses it.
Last year he lost it as well. He came to me right before Christmas and told me that he had reconnected with crazy lady and they were going to give it a go. I told him that I loved him, but if that's what he thought he needed to do then I wouldn't stop him. They saw each other Dec. thru March. They started fighting about 2 weeks in and he started to go downhill rapidly. The entire time he would call me and show up at my house in the middle of the night saying he missed me and he didn't know what to do because though he thought he loved her, she was making him sick. Finally after months of dealing with him and their toxic issues, he broke it off with her and came back to me officially. We later found out that she was cheating most of that time and today she lives with that other man.
Since that time we have been great. Again things just sort of fell into place and we have been more than happy. Then about 3 weeks ago his army vet buddy showed up. At first he actually seemed irritated by his friends presence and his way of doing things. This guy has ptsd as well. He has major issues and never stays still, constantly traveling. He has HUGE issues with his girlfriend. Then about a week into his visit my boyfriend who was more than cuddly and loving that morning, comes back from a day of hiking with his friend and tells me he wants space, that the spark isn't there, that he loves me deeply but doesn't feel in love, and that he cant give me a definite but that he wanted some time. I told him that I could do that , knowing that this is the time of year he goes downhill. The space lasted a day and he was calling me wanting to see me, getting upset with me for giving him the space he asked for. So I followed his lead and when he would ask me to visit I would come over. He even asked me to stay a few of those nights. Then out of no where he lost it on me.
He told me that I was irresponsible and unproductive. I am single mom raising my 3 children and his child. I work full time, I am in school fulltime working on my BA, and I go to the gym at least 1 to 2 times a day. Before his friend came, he was always happy, always dancing around and singing. He does photography and videography as a hobby but is really amazing at it and hopes to one day turn it into something. Up until 3 weeks ago he was working on projects or simply just working on old things to keep himself busy. His friend is a photographer and he came here to work on a project with my guy but they haven't really done anything other than talk about it for 3 weeks. Other than that he has continued to go to the gym but his behavior has changed. He sleeps a lot. He is going out to bars and drinking, something he can't do due to his history with that, and he is very contradicatory in his words.
Since he lost it on me , he has been very distant. I have seen him a couple of times, he has asked me to go to the gym with him and asked me to stop by a couple of times. In the past he has always needed me to get through these things and nw he acts as though I'm just anther buddy. Last night I may have screwed up. I became emotional and lonely and I texted him and asked him if this was worth holding out for. Was I wasting my time. I shouldn't have tried to make him make any decisions but the girl in me took over and here we sit. He replied back and told me not to wait on him. That I can't give him what he needs and he doesn't want to keep resenting me for it. He told me that he loved me and that for the kids, we needed to stay friends and stay close. He asked me to please not go out and seek attention from other men. Not that this has ever been an issue but he has paranoia that I will. He asked me to stay in school, the gym, and keep moving forward for the kids. He told meat he was sorry he hurt me but he didn't want to lie to me.
I was devastated. Just a month ago he was talking to me about possibly having a real home together when his lease is up in Jan. Now he says he isn't in love with e.
His brother and sister in law have always been the ones to take care of him. I spoke to his sister in law last night. She called me because his daughter was worried about her dad and called and left a message. I explained what was happening. They told me a little of what my guy had been through since he came home. It was bad. really bad. And it always happens this time of year. I was told that since he met me, he has been a completely different person and that they finally thought he was on a healthier path. I really don't know whats real and what isn't at this point. They have asked me to hold on until at least after his friend leaves and he can clear his head. I need perspective from sufferers and supporters. Who has been through this? can you help me?
His family tells me that other than his ex wife, there is no love there. There is obsession where the one is involved but it has gotten so bad with her involved that his family has basically banned the woman from ever entering his life again. He says he loved the woman that cheated on him but again his family says that it lasted at most a couple of months and in reality there was no love there, just a honeymoon stage interrupted by her cheating.
Then there's me. We met 2 years ago. Both of us clicked almost immediately. Because he has ptsd and because he is 7 yr younger than me, we both tried to keep it very casual. Things just kept falling into place though and in 6 months we were "officially together" SInce then we have had our moments, we have even dealt with a breakdown before, but nothing like now. We lived together but he would never give up his apartment for fear he would have no where to run to if things went bad. Something he was honest about. Other than that we have literally spent almost every day and night together for the past year and a half.
We have been happy, or so I thought. Our kids love each of us. His daughter lives in my house now. Every October, my boyfriend starts to go downhill. There is a lot packed into Oct-Dec. He has a lot of anniversaries. Anniversaries from he war, not great ones.Anniversary of when he came home from the war. This is the time of year his marriage fell apart. This is time of year he was committed, that crazy lady made his life hell. He had a terrible mother who told him and his siblings they weren't worth it when it came to Christmas. So what Ive been told by his family is that every year around this time he basically loses it.
Last year he lost it as well. He came to me right before Christmas and told me that he had reconnected with crazy lady and they were going to give it a go. I told him that I loved him, but if that's what he thought he needed to do then I wouldn't stop him. They saw each other Dec. thru March. They started fighting about 2 weeks in and he started to go downhill rapidly. The entire time he would call me and show up at my house in the middle of the night saying he missed me and he didn't know what to do because though he thought he loved her, she was making him sick. Finally after months of dealing with him and their toxic issues, he broke it off with her and came back to me officially. We later found out that she was cheating most of that time and today she lives with that other man.
Since that time we have been great. Again things just sort of fell into place and we have been more than happy. Then about 3 weeks ago his army vet buddy showed up. At first he actually seemed irritated by his friends presence and his way of doing things. This guy has ptsd as well. He has major issues and never stays still, constantly traveling. He has HUGE issues with his girlfriend. Then about a week into his visit my boyfriend who was more than cuddly and loving that morning, comes back from a day of hiking with his friend and tells me he wants space, that the spark isn't there, that he loves me deeply but doesn't feel in love, and that he cant give me a definite but that he wanted some time. I told him that I could do that , knowing that this is the time of year he goes downhill. The space lasted a day and he was calling me wanting to see me, getting upset with me for giving him the space he asked for. So I followed his lead and when he would ask me to visit I would come over. He even asked me to stay a few of those nights. Then out of no where he lost it on me.
He told me that I was irresponsible and unproductive. I am single mom raising my 3 children and his child. I work full time, I am in school fulltime working on my BA, and I go to the gym at least 1 to 2 times a day. Before his friend came, he was always happy, always dancing around and singing. He does photography and videography as a hobby but is really amazing at it and hopes to one day turn it into something. Up until 3 weeks ago he was working on projects or simply just working on old things to keep himself busy. His friend is a photographer and he came here to work on a project with my guy but they haven't really done anything other than talk about it for 3 weeks. Other than that he has continued to go to the gym but his behavior has changed. He sleeps a lot. He is going out to bars and drinking, something he can't do due to his history with that, and he is very contradicatory in his words.
Since he lost it on me , he has been very distant. I have seen him a couple of times, he has asked me to go to the gym with him and asked me to stop by a couple of times. In the past he has always needed me to get through these things and nw he acts as though I'm just anther buddy. Last night I may have screwed up. I became emotional and lonely and I texted him and asked him if this was worth holding out for. Was I wasting my time. I shouldn't have tried to make him make any decisions but the girl in me took over and here we sit. He replied back and told me not to wait on him. That I can't give him what he needs and he doesn't want to keep resenting me for it. He told me that he loved me and that for the kids, we needed to stay friends and stay close. He asked me to please not go out and seek attention from other men. Not that this has ever been an issue but he has paranoia that I will. He asked me to stay in school, the gym, and keep moving forward for the kids. He told meat he was sorry he hurt me but he didn't want to lie to me.
I was devastated. Just a month ago he was talking to me about possibly having a real home together when his lease is up in Jan. Now he says he isn't in love with e.
His brother and sister in law have always been the ones to take care of him. I spoke to his sister in law last night. She called me because his daughter was worried about her dad and called and left a message. I explained what was happening. They told me a little of what my guy had been through since he came home. It was bad. really bad. And it always happens this time of year. I was told that since he met me, he has been a completely different person and that they finally thought he was on a healthier path. I really don't know whats real and what isn't at this point. They have asked me to hold on until at least after his friend leaves and he can clear his head. I need perspective from sufferers and supporters. Who has been through this? can you help me?
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