Relationship Need Advice - I triggered my girlfriend (PTSD) she broke up with me. Blocked me out of her life.

Marcus132

New Here
Im in a very similar situation as Marcus. How long is “a while?” Days? Mine has been 4 months ... how long should Marcus wait?
Oh man, I’m sorry @Feelinghelpless. It’s been three months for me. My strategy the past week has been to just let her go (in my expectations and hoping she will come back). She needs space and really I can focus on me again. It took awhile to get here but I’m focusing on myself with no expectations of her. I’m living like she will never come back. If she does, we will see where I am and if I really want to deal with this again. Answer is most likely no.
I will always love her and I want what is best for her, not me. I can move on but she will always have to live with ptsd-and that makes me realize that she has to do what’s best for her. That just might be, me not in her life.
Hang in there - this experience is so brutal and it hurts like a bitch but you can will come out of it a better person. That’s the best you can do for yourself and her.
 
F

Feeling helpless

Oh man, I’m sorry @Feelinghelpless. It’s been three months for me. My strategy the past week has been to just let her go (in my expectations and hoping she will come back). She needs space and really I can focus on me again. It took awhile to get here but I’m focusing on myself with no expectations of her. I’m living like she will never come back. If she does, we will see where I am and if I really want to deal with this again. Answer is most likely no.
I will always love her and I want what is best for her, not me. I can move on but she will always have to live with ptsd-and that makes me realize that she has to do what’s best for her. That just might be, me not in her life.
Hang in there - this experience is so brutal and it hurts like a bitch but you can will come out of it a better person. That’s the best you can do for yourself and her.
She has told me that I was the love of her life and she is for me. Her ex attempted to take her life but has not yet been implicated (money can do that). It’s a long story but we thought he was out of the picture and moved away but now she is in custody battle with him and he’s and attacking her legally. He’s nonstop. He does not like me so she fears for my safety, kids, at this point. But myself? I would not allow him to come between us. He will be harassing her whether it’s me or another. I’m blown away by your choice to let her go... you’re a strong man.

do you think she’ll come back? Are you dating others? Is she? That hurts just to think about that. So painful as she is the love of my life and I’m middle aged and can’t ever think of meeting a new soul mate
 
My strategy the past week has been to just let her go (in my expectations and hoping she will come back). She needs space and really I can focus on me again. It took awhile to get here but I’m focusing on myself with no expectations of her. I’m living like she will never come back. If she does, we will see where I am and if I really want to deal with this again. Answer is most likely no.
I will always love her and I want what is best for her, not me. I can move on but she will always have to live with ptsd-and that makes me realize that she has to do what’s best for her. That just might be, me not in her life.

^This is so incredibly healthy for you to do. Well done.
I hope you mean every word.
If you look after yourself and give her the space she craves then you're doing right by both of you.
In the end relationships with people who have ptsd can be very complex and at times torrid.
Make the most of your own life and hopefully she'll do the same. Win/win in my view. Take care.
 

Livinginhope

Confident
Oh man, I’m sorry @Feelinghelpless. It’s been three months for me. My strategy the past week has been to just let her go (in my expectations and hoping she will come back). She needs space and really I can focus on me again. It took awhile to get here but I’m focusing on myself with no expectations of her. I’m living like she will never come back. If she does, we will see where I am and if I really want to deal with this again. Answer is most likely no.
I will always love her and I want what is best for her, not me. I can move on but she will always have to live with ptsd-and that makes me realize that she has to do what’s best for her. That just might be, me not in her life.
Hang in there - this experience is so brutal and it hurts like a bitch but you can will come out of it a better person. That’s the best you can do for yourself and her.
Hi Marcus. I don't post often anymore but wanted to add that it is tough, it does hurt, but you're doing the right thing.

My sufferer and I had a year 'together' until we had a minor misunderstanding and he retreated and ghosted. He's been silent for three months now. For a while I was distraught and tried to get him to engage (even knowing everything I did from this site about letting isolaters isolate!) Recently, I've sent the odd funny meme every two or three weeks. I'm not blocked but he's clearly not going to/ready/will ever re-engage.

Like you, I'm pretty sure something in our last interaction triggered him. BUT I feel strongly that I had every right to my opinion and had the expectation of being able to express it in what I thought was a good friendship/relationship. If, after three months, he still doesn't feel able to reach out there's nothing more I can do.

I don't want to spend my life walking on eggshells, and I'm sure you don't either. Yes, PTSD is a b*tch for the sufferers but it's no bed of roses for supporters either. Like you, I'm healing and moving on. I owe it to myself not to stay in a painful limbo. Like you, I have no expectations but will always wish him well with this monster he carries through life.

Good luck x
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
I’m blown away by your choice to let her go... you’re a strong man.

Letting go is the stronger thing to do. Chasing after people isn’t romantic or proof of some kind of love. It’s unhealthy.

Relationships take two people working together. Sometimes, no matter how much you love somebody, they’re not healthy enough to function in a relationship. You can’t fix that by clinging.
 

Marcus132

New Here
She has told me that I was the love of her life and she is for me. Her ex attempted to take her life but has not yet been implicated (money can do that). It’s a long story but we thought he was out of the picture and moved away but now she is in custody battle with him and he’s and attacking her legally. He’s nonstop. He does not like me so she fears for my safety, kids, at this point. But myself? I would not allow him to come between us. He will be harassing her whether it’s me or another. I’m blown away by your choice to let her go... you’re a strong man.

do you think she’ll come back? Are you dating others? Is she? That hurts just to think about that. So painful as she is the love of my life and I’m middle aged and can’t ever think of meeting a new soul mate
I am not dating others. I need to get healthy from this experience. It put me in unbalanced mode. I am not sure she will come back in a romantic way and to be honest, I won’t be able to handle this “black out” again. I am realizing my needs and this doesn’t come close. My desire to chase someone who doesn’t want me in her life isn’t doing either one of us any good.
She will eventually find someone who better suits her needs, I hope. To really love someone you give them what they want but you also can’t harm yourself in that mix. I’m getting better everyday. I have days wheee I really miss her but they are getting less after I realized my life is not about sitting around to find out whether another person wants me in their life. Good luck to you. You will eventually get to a healthy space. I would advise maybe a few sessions of therapy. It’s been doing wonders for me.
we can love and not chase. Give her what she asked for, if you don’t you are crossing over to where she set a boundary. That isn’t good!
 

LostPossum

New Here
Hey, so my story is very similar to yours. Check my post history, its a bit of a long read but my ex sounds very similar to yours in that she connects me to feeling unsafe despite all my efforts of support. She and I went through traumatic stuff (in my post) and she connects me to these negative events. She told me she doesnt know if can disconnect me from them and broke up with me after years together. She since then removed me from her life and I haven't heard a peep. It hurts and I still wonder daily what I can do other then respect her asking for space.
 
B

BLH75

I am not dating others. I need to get healthy from this experience. It put me in unbalanced mode. I am not sure she will come back in a romantic way and to be honest, I won’t be able to handle this “black out” again. I am realizing my needs and this doesn’t come close. My desire to chase someone who doesn’t want me in her life isn’t doing either one of us any good.
She will eventually find someone who better suits her needs, I hope. To really love someone you give them what they want but you also can’t harm yourself in that mix. I’m getting better everyday. I have days wheee I really miss her but they are getting less after I realized my life is not about sitting around to find out whether another person wants me in their life. Good luck to you. You will eventually get to a healthy space. I would advise maybe a few sessions of therapy. It’s been doing wonders for me.
we can love and not chase. Give her what she asked for, if you don’t you are crossing over to where she set a boundary. That isn’t good!
I’m in the same situation. Just learned about his PTSD after 5 years of push/pull. As soon as he told me, he pulled away, told me he loved me, wanted to be with me but needed me to be patient. I was patient for the first 4 months, until the pain and confusion of him isolating became too much to bare. I love this man, as bf the more I tried to understand, fix and be a part of his healing.... the more he pushed me away. My pushing back, trying to set boundaries and wanting more triggered him further.
I know that I will never understand the horrors of his PTSD and what he experiences. I empathize that there are things that he’s not capable of no matter how much I want him to be.
As a supporter who has done everything I can for this man, except for the one thing he truly needs (time & space for healing)... I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated and I’ve learned that it’s okay to be.
Im just coming to know that unless he gets healthy our relationship will never give me the fulfillment I need to be happy. He’s been telling me what he needs to get healthy and I’ve been pushing, clinging and not accepting that I CANNOT fix him. It’s been so tough to accept that in order for him to heal, I have to let go. It feels like giving up and I never give up on the people I love. I feel like I’m failing him by doing what he needs.
It’s been such a confusing, emotional roller coaster for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like for him.
 
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