Need Advice

[EvenStrongerNow]

****Trigger Warning****

Do not read without proceeding with caution!!!

Friday, August 23rd, approx 10am walking near my home, a man approx 5'9", short brown curly hair, dirty skin like homeless man, carrying trash bags over shoulder stuck tongue out making licking motions and huge scary and terrifying eyes. Told me he was goin to duck tape me and rape me with a knife. I walked quickly while he was yelling an cussing at me. I was terrified. Can't sleep tonight. Haven't told anyone.

What should I do? I am afraid to ever walk by myself again. I don't want my husband to worry :(

I have an urge to learn self defense. I didn't go to the police because I had to pick up a rental to be on a production set for a new job I got. I've been holding it in. I can't get his evil scary face out of my head and can't sleep and have to be up early for work.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Stronger now. How horrible for you.

Just because you didn't go to the police at the time, doesn't mean that you can't go now, or next week, or next month! I really think it would be worth reporting. It may not make an ounce of difference but you never know. He could be someone the police already know about and are perhaps waiting for more evidence before they can act. Or perhaps your report might be the first of many. Of course if you don't want to report it, that's absolutely your choice.

I don't think that keeping quiet about it will help you in the long run. You don't have to deal with this on your own. I'd urge you to talk to your husband. Yes, he will likely worry about you, but only because he's concerned and presumably because he loves you. He and others can help you to regain some confidence about being out, by being out with you to start with.

Take care, and please don't keep this incident a secret, because it will likely eat away at you.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Stronger Now,

I agree with Cherryblossom that reporting this incident to the police would be a good idea. It is difficult to say whether this man was spouting the delusional rantings of some one mentally ill, someone who was just cruel, or those of an offender. Whatever it was, it would be terrifying. I don't know if reporting him will help or not, but ultimately you need to decide what is best for you.

 

[nomedic1]

You survived and we are here for support.

 

[GrahamCracker]

I agree with everyone in that it can't hurt to tell the police and telling your husband may take some of the strain off of your mind.

There is nothing wrong with taking self defense courses. I think they can help people feel more confident. I don't know if you are in the US but if you are I would definitely see if you have a local community center that offers self defense classes. Community centers are great because you may also be able to find something a little more meditative like Tai Chi or Yoga Nidra (which is yogic meditation) and these things can help with some of the anxiety as well, if you have time.

An idea to help you relax right now, if you have a computer with iTunes on it, might be to go to their podcast section and search for and download some meditations. They are free and some of them are quite well produced. You can probably just do an Internet search and find some free meditations as well.

You are absolutely allowed to feel fear about this. That's a scary situation! I do think it would help to share it with someone, whether it's the police or a therapist (if you have one) or your husband or a close friend.

~GrahamCracker

 

[ms spock]

I think doing a self defense course is practical and proactive StrongerNow.

Going to the police, telling your husband and some friends sounds like a good idea as well.

I hope you get some relief from the shock you are feeling.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Well, everyone that posted said everything I was thinking. Listen to them my dear. It will give you some relief if you report it and it will give you confidence taking a self defense course, you won't feel so vulnerable. Hang in there. We are here.

 

[JustBe]

We are here with you.

 

[Abstract]

Agree with everyone else. I think a police report is a good idea. Self defence might be a good think generally with helping you feel empowered and confident.

I am sorry. :( I too have been in that type of situation and it isn't nice at all. Thankfully I never saw him again and hopefully that will be the case for you too.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks everyone. I told my husband last night. It was 3:30 a.m. I just couldn't sleep so I woke him up, laid in his arms and told him. We sat up and I just started crying. It was really difficult for me to say out loud. He said absolutely I am going to learn self defense so I will never feel weak if faced with something similar or worse.

As I was telling the story, more memories about the incident surfaced.

I do believe with every fiber of my being the man wanted to humiliate me. I remember feeling in that moment that he wanted to affect me. My gut tells me it was purposed. He stopped right in front of me with a normal face and said with a childlike yet menacing voice..."You wanna know what I'm going to do to you....I'm gonna..." and then the gestures started.

I remember stopping and freezing...it took me a few seconds to register what he was saying to me because my mind drifted away. When I came to, I yelled F you with conviction and started walking fast. My heart was pounding in my chest as I was thinking omg, what if he is behind me?

It made him mad. The whole time I was walking away, he was yelling about what else he was going to do but I blocked it out. He wanted me to hear more of what he had to say. He wasn't done. It was just that I had interrupted him. I felt really awful that I said F off because what if he was on drugs or mentally ill, but then does that make it okay? I just feel bad about saying that but I didn't want him to think I was weak.

I keep playing it over and over again and am so thankful that there were cars riding up and down that street. Who knows what could've happened. Thank God I was walking to the production van rental place and not walking out of my home or walking to my home in case he decided to stalk me.

My husband asked where the location was and realized the detour I took was a mini sort of a skid row in Los Angeles. I had NO idea. I mean, it was the middle of the day and it's not often that I walk anywhere. He said we are moving immediately to a safer area and he is going to get me mace and teach me to use a knife. I told him I'd rather use self defense because the time it would take to grab those items out of my purse, I would be powerless especially if someone came up behind me.

I never feared being a woman in Los Angeles, but now I do. Maybe that's a good thing though. Maybe I should take that seriously and empower myself by becoming a physical weapon. I finally got to sleep last night because my husband stayed up rubbing my hair until I drifted off. The power of the incident kept getting less and less with each stroke of my hair so that's good.

 

[ms spock]

I am so glad that you told your husband and that he was so supportive.

 

[ashdawn8287]

That must have been hard to tell him, but it makes me so happy that you did. I just watched a doc called lost angels on netflix. It is about skid row. Kind of weird I just watched that and checked this and you mentioned skid row.

Anyways, your decisions are smart and will benefit you. Don't let that evil disrupt your life! I am glad your husband handle the situation the way he did and supported and took your feelings into consideration.

I think moving is smart if you guys are able too. Go somewhere peaceful and quiet where you don't have to worry about all the messed up people out there. He was probably on drugs or like you said mentally ill.

I think it is just fine you said F you. I would have said a lot worse. I have a big defense side to me and I am very overprotective of myself and stand up for myself when things like that occur. I encountered a flasher when I was 17. Called the police and he got caught. I have also had my credit card stolen by a prostitute. It fell out of my car at a gas station and I didn't notice it until later. Called my bank and got the location she was repeatedly using my card at for alcohol go figure, which was a gas station. I went the gas station which was in the bad part of town, talked to the clerk and then decided to wait outside in my car in case she came back. About 15 minutes later she came back and as she turned the corner I saw my card in her hand.

I jumped out of the car and just started screaming at her as loud as I could and demanded for my card back which she handed over. Then I called the cops. I just wanted to catch her myself and it takes like 45 minutes for police to respond here so yeah. The neighborhood helped the cops and I out by getting her address. She got a arrested and charged and thats when I found out her background. Prostitute, drug addict, blah blah blah.

Taking self defense is smart especially in this crazy world of ours.