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Sufferer Need help and friendship

wfcs

New Here
I always thought up until now I had it together. But recently I'm in the hurricane and maybe realising my self sabotaging is actually trauma I had never dealt with. I always thought of myself as functioning but in reality I have shut out the world. I don't have any true friends and have difficulty trusting people especially women. When I was younger i was really close to my mother until she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my dad more than not was verbally and physically abusive. I would find myself trying to protect my mother. But then I'd find myself trying to protect myself from my mother. She would sometimes come at me with scissors knives and even a gun to attack me. Then I would try and shield my mum from my dad when he would hit her and take the hits to protect her.
I always pretended everything was okay because noone ever came to my rescue.
I find myself now being triggered when entering hospitals and when I get lied to especially from women and I don't know why. I find myself being confused, helpless, depressed and especially withdrawn. Then I have work colleagues when I am triggered laughing and gossiping in front of me and behind my back.

I don't have anyone to talk to or relate to which makes it hard and lonely. I need some suggestions in dealing with triggers as I am finding it debilitating and can't see the light out of the dark place I am in. Please help.
 
Hi, welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry you have trauma to deal with. You are not alone and this is a good place to be for people like us.
My story is different than yours but I find myself similarly withdrawn from social life. I had friends during uni, but then I allowed those relations to erode. Even relations to my closest ones, wife and daughter feel like there is wall in my mind, that prevents me from living with them fully.
I'm sure you will find here a lot of resoures useful for understanding yourself and people who will get how you feel.
Take care!
 
Welcome! This forum has helped me so much to not feel alone in my trauma. I found it somewhat comforting to realize that my bad habits and reactions to life were not just me being crZy, they were trauma responses and coping mechanisms. It's great you have come to see that too. I feel like it's the first step to finally working on healing. I think you will find alot of helpful advice and stories on here.
 
I always thought up until now I had it together. But recently I'm in the hurricane and maybe realising my self sabotaging is actually trauma I had never dealt with. I always thought of myself as functioning but in reality I have shut out the world. I don't have any true friends and have difficulty trusting people especially women. When I was younger i was really close to my mother until she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my dad more than not was verbally and physically abusive. I would find myself trying to protect my mother. But then I'd find myself trying to protect myself from my mother. She would sometimes come at me with scissors knives and even a gun to attack me. Then I would try and shield my mum from my dad when he would hit her and take the hits to protect her.
I always pretended everything was okay because noone ever came to my rescue.
I find myself now being triggered when entering hospitals and when I get lied to especially from women and I don't know why. I find myself being confused, helpless, depressed and especially withdrawn. Then I have work colleagues when I am triggered laughing and gossiping in front of me and behind my back.

I don't have anyone to talk to or relate to which makes it hard and lonely. I need some suggestions in dealing with triggers as I am finding it debilitating and can't see the light out of the dark place I am in. Please help.
I hear the pain and struggle you are going through, and I want you to know that you are not alone. It takes courage to acknowledge and begin to understand the impact of the trauma you have experienced. It is common for past experiences to resurface and affect our present behaviors and relationships.

Seeking support is a crucial step towards healing. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering. I encourage you to consider joining the peer-to-peer community on myptsd.com. You can find forums dedicated to various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD, where you can share your story, receive support, and learn from others who understand what you are going through.

In addition to seeking support from peers, I also recommend considering therapy with a trauma-informed therapist. Professional help can provide you with the necessary tools and support to work through your triggers and past experiences in a safe and understanding environment.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it is okay to not have it all together all the time. Take small steps towards self-care and reaching out for support. You deserve to find peace and healing.
 
I always thought up until now I had it together. But recently I'm in the hurricane and maybe realising my self sabotaging is actually trauma I had never dealt with. I always thought of myself as functioning but in reality I have shut out the world. I don't have any true friends and have difficulty trusting people especially women. When I was younger i was really close to my mother until she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my dad more than not was verbally and physically abusive. I would find myself trying to protect my mother. But then I'd find myself trying to protect myself from my mother. She would sometimes come at me with scissors knives and even a gun to attack me. Then I would try and shield my mum from my dad when he would hit her and take the hits to protect her.
I always pretended everything was okay because noone ever came to my rescue.
I find myself now being triggered when entering hospitals and when I get lied to especially from women and I don't know why. I find myself being confused, helpless, depressed and especially withdrawn. Then I have work colleagues when I am triggered laughing and gossiping in front of me and behind my back.

I don't have anyone to talk to or relate to which makes it hard and lonely. I need some suggestions in dealing with triggers as I am finding it debilitating and can't see the light out of the dark place I am in. Please help.
Take it slow my friend. It takes time.
 
Hi, welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry you have trauma to deal with. You are not alone and this is a good place to be for people like us.
My story is different than yours but I find myself similarly withdrawn from social life. I had friends during uni, but then I allowed those relations to erode. Even relations to my closest ones, wife and daughter feel like there is wall in my mind, that prevents me from living with them fully.
I'm sure you will find here a lot of resoures useful for understanding yourself and people who will get how you

Thank you for your reply its comforting.
 
PTSD is tough on all of us, we must stick together and support each other.

I always thought up until now I had it together. But recently I'm in the hurricane and maybe realising my self sabotaging is actually trauma I had never dealt with. I always thought of myself as functioning but in reality I have shut out the world. I don't have any true friends and have difficulty trusting people especially women. When I was younger i was really close to my mother until she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my dad more than not was verbally and physically abusive. I would find myself trying to protect my mother. But then I'd find myself trying to protect myself from my mother. She would sometimes come at me with scissors knives and even a gun to attack me. Then I would try and shield my mum from my dad when he would hit her and take the hits to protect her.
I always pretended everything was okay because noone ever came to my rescue.
I find myself now being triggered when entering hospitals and when I get lied to especially from women and I don't know why. I find myself being confused, helpless, depressed and especially withdrawn. Then I have work colleagues when I am triggered laughing and gossiping in front of me and behind my back.

I don't have anyone to talk to or relate to which makes it hard and lonely. I need some suggestions in dealing with triggers as I am finding it debilitating and can't see the light out of the dark place I am in. Please help.
Message me at any time my friend
 
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