whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I'm sticking this under General, because I honestly cannot identify it. I suspect it's a mix of things, but I don't know. I'm hoping to gain a bit of insight from others here who may have felt the same thing.
So...I have been feeling *bad* off-and-on for a few weeks. There's definitely an underlying depression, which has left me paralyzed at times, unable to do anything. But the feeling on top is different. It's worse when I am scheduled to do something - almost anything - and is only relieved if I do something completely mindless, like watch reruns on TV or if I spend time with/play with my cats. It sometimes helps to read, but I have a hard time focusing, so that doesn't always work.
I'm in-between a lot of things right now. I just launched a new business and am getting ready to launch a second next week. These are services (as opposed to selling anything), and I don't expect work to come quickly. I applied for a couple of other, more steady positions (which in and of itself led to the bad feeling), and I have an interview on Monday (aaaacccckkkkk!). I'm doing some volunteer work with an animal rescue (my real love) tomorrow and also for an organization putting together a newsletter.
I don't get the feeling when I am actually doing work here - I have one client that I do energy work at a distance right now, and the newsletter work I do at home. That is on my own schedule and I decide when I will do it. Everything else is, for the most part, on someone else's or determined by someone else.
There's definitely also an "I'm not good enough" feeling when it comes to applying for any job that requires I work on-site under someone. It's there, too, when someone contacts me about an editing job - got one of these emails today. The other person is "better than" I am, and I'm not good enough to do the work.
This feeling is AWFUL. It's like a physical feeling under my skin almost. I'm always near tears, and I feel like I'm under water a lot of the time.
Not sure what I'm asking, except I am hoping someone can relate.
So...I have been feeling *bad* off-and-on for a few weeks. There's definitely an underlying depression, which has left me paralyzed at times, unable to do anything. But the feeling on top is different. It's worse when I am scheduled to do something - almost anything - and is only relieved if I do something completely mindless, like watch reruns on TV or if I spend time with/play with my cats. It sometimes helps to read, but I have a hard time focusing, so that doesn't always work.
I'm in-between a lot of things right now. I just launched a new business and am getting ready to launch a second next week. These are services (as opposed to selling anything), and I don't expect work to come quickly. I applied for a couple of other, more steady positions (which in and of itself led to the bad feeling), and I have an interview on Monday (aaaacccckkkkk!). I'm doing some volunteer work with an animal rescue (my real love) tomorrow and also for an organization putting together a newsletter.
I don't get the feeling when I am actually doing work here - I have one client that I do energy work at a distance right now, and the newsletter work I do at home. That is on my own schedule and I decide when I will do it. Everything else is, for the most part, on someone else's or determined by someone else.
There's definitely also an "I'm not good enough" feeling when it comes to applying for any job that requires I work on-site under someone. It's there, too, when someone contacts me about an editing job - got one of these emails today. The other person is "better than" I am, and I'm not good enough to do the work.
This feeling is AWFUL. It's like a physical feeling under my skin almost. I'm always near tears, and I feel like I'm under water a lot of the time.
Not sure what I'm asking, except I am hoping someone can relate.