General Need Help Please

[shellazz]

I am new to this and have never been able to get much help with coping as a carer for someone who has PTSD. I have been reading some of what you people have said here and i do see sense but i have to admit that i'm one who seems to be the "glutton for punishment". My other half was diagnosed with PTSD well after we got together. He used to be in the army but no longer serves. At times there is a fair bit of abuse that flies around our home and other times it's as if life couldn't be more perfect. However, my question is this.... what can be put into place to help my children deal with what goes on in our house and how do I make my home a more positive one on the bad days? Is it possible for a carer to end up with PTSD themselves because of the stress caused, and does anyone know if this condition can lead to an MPD? My partner used to be more active and now he spends the majority of his time on the computer usually playing games or looking up something related to a particular game. Am I being to hard on him when I tell him that he needs to get off his backside and do something to help around the house or tell him to go for a run or a walk?

I'd really appreciate any ideas that anyone can give me.:dontknow:

 

[desperate]

Wow, this sounds EXACTLY like my situation. I'm still far from being an expert at this, but one thing I have consistently heard from members here is to make time for yourself, give him space, but set limits. Don't let yourself get sucked into devoting your entire life to caring for him. Find a hobby, some volunteer work, or SOMETHING just for you to do on your own.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do but give him some space until he comes around. In the case of my husband, sometimes that takes a couple of days. At the same time, don't allow him to abuse you. Make it clear what sort of things you absolutely will not tolerate, especially in front of the kids.

I've heard of carers ending up with something called "secondary ptsd" from being around someone with PTSD day in and day out.

I'm sure there are people on here who will be able to help more than I can. But bear in mind that you're not alone. Good luck!

 

[pebbels]

Hello shellazz:hello:
Welcome to the forum, I echo what desperate has said. I would like to add that your husband is coping the only way he knows how at the moment and thats losing himself in video games.

Your husband is not the same person you married so expecting much of the same as before is not going to happen at this stage, is he in therapy as that is what needs to be happening to find ways of coping better and begin the healing process.

Less pressure from you and giving your husband space will help him and you until he starts getting help, looking after YOU is really important.

All the best shellazz:Hug_emoticon:

Pebs

 

[Shoka]

Shellazz,

What are you referring to exactly when you say there is "abuse" around the house?
You ask what can be put into place for the chidlren and I'd say that if you are being physically abused the only way for you to help your children is to get out and don't worry about the lesser issue of him spending lots of time on his computer.

PTSD is not an excuse for abuse.

Shoka

 

[pandora]

I agree PTSD is no excuse for abuse but if he had therapy he would be able to recognize that...and perhaps stop himself (when he has a better understanding) that his behaviour in unacceptable..PTSD or not. We have to learn to control our rages. He is isolating..normal and gaming probably is taking him away from some of the PTSD that I am sure he is trying to avoid. He should not be abusing you or your children at all.