Relationship Need Help Understanding

[westerncgal]

I have recently gotten back in touch with an old friend who suffers from a TBI with PTSD as an after affect from his time in service. We have become very close and I care for him deeply and have been told he cares for me deeply. I am trying to understand more about how these two things relate to one another and the effect they have on relationships, both a friendship and an intimate relationship. My friend has been very open and honest about what he deals with on a daily basis with his TBI/PTDS. I would like to find out how I can play an effective roll in his life and be a positive for him. So many people have walked out on him and im choosing not to be the sameway because he is an amazing and wonderful man. I am one of only a handful of people he trusts and confides in so I want to be as effective as I can for him.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are a good and decent person.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The symptoms of TBI and PTSD can exacerbate eachother. My advice is to research both of them thoroughly so you can recognize the symptoms and understand why they are happening. It really helps to get a grip on the mechanics of everything first, so you can learn how to deal with it better.

 

[westerncgal]

Thank you sweetpea76. I will look into it. TBI I am fairly familiar with based on occupation and my father having one. I appreciate you taking the time to reapond

 

[Sweetpea76]

No problem... once you understand what is happening, and why it's happening, it is a whole lot easier to know what to. I think a lot of us supporters go through a "what the heck was that???" phase when symptoms first crop up around us.

Just for an example, Vets with combat PTSD tend to be a little more aggressive in "fight or flight" situations because they have been trained to do so. This was reinforced by that behavior saving their lives in combat. So you would know that if your Vet was in a crowded place that stresses him and makes him feel unsafe, he may very well respond with anger or aggression instead of what may seem like typical fright or panicky actions. If that happens, you would know it was PTSD, and not just him being mean or grumpy. You would then know to respond calmly and not get hurt feelings, or worse yet, get confrontational with him, making everything ten times worse.

Trust me, just learning how to recognize your loved one's PTSD symptoms is priceless.

 

[westerncgal]

My vet has been very honest about certain situations that usually make him uncomfortable. Something's over the last 5 months I have clued in on just from being around him and talking with him all the time.

There are many things is still do not know. I find it a positive though that according to my vet have a calming effect on him.
Any further input on different ways to calm a situation would be helpful.

And also I'm wondering. I have know my vet for about 17 years and I can see the lack if interest in things he used to enjoy. That being said though what he his interested in now he seems to be almost over doing it in. Is this a normal behavior

 

[Sweetpea76]

And also I'm wondering. I have know my vet for about 17 years and I can see the lack if interest in things he used to enjoy. That being said though what he his interested in now he seems to be almost over doing it in. Is this a normal behavior

There really is no "normal", because everybody is different, and they are going to deal with their symptoms differently. However, this seems pretty typical. PTSD changes everything. He may have a hard time enjoying anything, or he may not feel like he deserves to enjoy anything. It could be depression, or anxiety if those activities make him uncomfortable.

 

[westerncgal]

I'm sorry I should have said a typical behavior as opposed to a normal behavior. Thank you!

 

[shimmerz]

I'm sorry I should have said a typical behavior as opposed to a normal behavior.

No worries @westerncgal. The fact that you are willing and asking about helping this man is much louder than your reference to normal behaviour. TBI and PTSD. That is a big one. Poor man. May I ask - why have significant people in his life left? What are they afraid of? Is he seeking help for either his TBI or PTSD? Is he committed to seeking help? Let's start there.

I know the best helpers for me were the ones that noticed what I needed help with before I did. I could never ask for help. I could see that they had my best interests at heart and had kind enough hearts to be able to see me as I am as opposed to how I 'was'. Also I appreciated those who did not push themselves too hard to help me as I felt their pain and they were afraid to tell me I was too much. I appreciated them being candid about what they could do to help me and what they coudln't do. It is no good to have a support who have driven themselves into the ground. ;)

I have to be honest....dealing with someone with PTSD can teach one a ton about oneself not just about the other person!

 

[westerncgal]

@shimmerz -Yes he is seeking help and has made leaps and bounds of improvement. The biggest thing that I have noticed is that people have a hard time handling his randomness, forgetfulness and openness about what he has been through. My vet always asks how someone like me could like him and want to have anything to do with him. I simply reply because he's just him, it's the simplest most honest answer I can give him. I see him for where he is and who he his not was he has. And my hope is in that simple answer he sees I will always try to be a positive for him.

 

[shimmerz]

people have a hard time handling his randomness, forgetfulness and openness about what he has been through.

This is so true of many. I have appreciated those who have known and trusted that this randomness is not something that is used as attention seeking etc. I have had similar support as you are providing and I truly believe that you are his angel from heaven in what feels to him like being dropped into the middle of a horror story. Good for you for your commitment and standing up for him.

Yes he is seeking help and has made leaps and bounds of improvement.

So many supporters don't see this. I tip my hat to you my friend. May the sun shine down on you through your journey with what I see as two very incredible people.
:hug:

 

[westerncgal]

Thank you Shimmerz. I appreciate your support. So many things I have read on here have truly help with my understanding and gaining insight so that I might be able to be a positive to this person I care so much for.