Relationship Need Help With Ptsd Boyfriend

[Reclusive]

Okay, so my bf and I have been together for 13 years now and he's always had depressive problems and I've always taken care of him. A couple years ago, stuff happened and I was diagnosed with PTSD and his counselors are now changing his diagnosis to PTSD. But I don't know how to help him. Right now he's sitting on the couch feeling so anxious (he's on valium) that he looks like he's going to be ill and he doesn't want to talk about it or anything. I don't know what to do to help him at all and it makes my heart break to see him like this - not to mention how my own anxiety is spiking. Help?

 

[Marie E.]

Funny thing is that my Fiance and I both got PTSD as well. I'm just learning how to deal with it as well. I want to know as well how to help in ways. I mean do we become each others carers?? Something?? That is what I'm going to look into for myself.

Try to give him some physical comfort, such as a gentle hug and tell him I'm here for you whenever you need it. You know to some degree what he is going through as you have PTSD as well. And if he pushes you away, just remember to give him space.

I'm very sure others will come post on this thread, that will be more helpful, but thought I'd give you my bits of thoughts.

 

[Iron_Angel]

I'm in the same situation -- both of us with PTSD but I end up the carer most of the time because my BF has very severe reactions at times. I usually have to determine if it's one of those times when he needs space, in which case I step back but let him know I'm still there and supporting him... like being in the same room but not physically near him. When he feels like he needs calming, we might just sit close beside each other, or just wrap ourselves in each others' arms for a while. No talking, just hanging onto each other.

Then there are other times when he's so down he won't even communicate with me for weeks at a time. It takes all I can do then to stop myself from feeling abandoned and useless.

It's a challenge when both have to deal with PTSD but I think it's do-able. Just give each other patience and love.
Hugs to you!

 

[Reclusive]

Well, thankfully I was able to calm him down and get him into the bathtub. He was so stressed out that he had a severe eye tick going on that was making him crazy. A couple more ups and downs throughout the day, but I'm just so glad we got past that first one.

 

[Reclusive]

OMG - today's an angry day and everything is my fault. I didn't sleep hardly at all and I feel ill. Days like this I just wanna die.

 

[Iron_Angel]

Oh, Reclusive, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day! Sending big hugs to you. It's so hard to have to absorb someone else's pain. I wish we could be like ducks and let it just roll off us, but caring people can't seem to do that. I have to keep reminding myself that when that stream of negative talk comes at me, it's not the person I love saying it, it's the PTSD monster talking through him. And that monster is a liar and knows nothing. Look after yourself... it's okay to be a little selfish and make sure you take care of you when you need it. You know what they say on the airplanes, you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you help someone else with theirs. Hugs!!

 

[Reclusive]

Thank you Iron_Angel - that helps a lot. I'm going to try to remember what you said about the monster talking through him - I think it'll really help. It's been a rough day so I'm just doing laundry and snuggling my kitties. My bf is plugged into football now so he's calmer. Hope it stays that way. I just hate being yelled at when I first wake up (especially since I have problems with people yelling).

 

[Marie E.]

I hate conflict too Reclusive. I've got things working ok right now between my Fiance and myself. Snuggle those kitties for me too!!!!!!! Feel their fluffy soft purr on your face and their purrs. Omg, too cute!! I hope that things go better for you and your man as he is going further into his therapy. I know it takes time.

You have my Love, Empathy and Support!! Linking Arms!!

Much Support for you too Iron_Angel

 

[Reclusive]

LOL I just found this thread - I guess it got moved! Thank you, Marie - I don't know what I'd do without my snuggly kitties!

Things have been pretty rough - his anxiety is really high, which means his anger is really high and the valium he's taking isn't helping at all anymore. Plus we're having financial trouble and he's trying to help his family (his dad is disabled and his grandpa is really old and they live together) but his dad doesn't understand that he needs space.

It's so frustrating because he has so many more immediate needs that I feel like I don't matter at all. I've been awake since 5am with the worst anxiety, took my meds and the anxiety actually got WORSE and I don't know what to do. He has to deal with a bill today (I just can't do it) so I don't want to bother him or interrupt his sleep or anything and I know he's going to be mad at me for not waking him up. It's just so hard to try to balance our needs. I feel like I might want to go to the hospital, but I know they wouldn't let me take my kitties and I don't know if my hunny can deal with being on his own - I have to force him to eat and all that.....