Need Help- Witnessed Accident That's Causing Anxiety

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have tried calling my therapist- too late to get a hold of her. I have tried calling the crisis line to talk with the person I spoke to last night (and a few times in the past), but there is only a man working there. He suggested I call a peer line, so I did. That was a failure because I can't talk much on the phone unless I really know how things work and the person on the other side. Writing is easier so I will try reaching out on here.

Today my husband and I went to a greenhouse/nursery to look at a compost for the gardens we are starting. When we drive in, we saw a woman in a station wagon backing out. We talked for a moment in the car, then got out and started towards the pallets of soil, mulch, and compost stuff. That's when we heard a loud sound. I can still hear it. We turned in time to see the woman that had just pulled out crash her car off to the side of the parking lot. Those of us closest stood by for a moment. Then, I turned to my husband and said "Someone should see if she is hurt." So I walked over.

I got her to open the door. She seemed fine just really shaken up and worried (mainly about non-essential things, but I get it like having perishables in the back of her car. She actually asked me if I had a refrigerator to which I politely responded 'not with me'. She was confused because she didn't remember what had happened. She just kept saying she had only come to get a tomato plant. Then, she said "I could have killed someone."

I stayed with her until the emergency workers came. I really wanted to sit right down and curl up in the parking lot at that point and have my own panic attack, but I tried really hard and I resisted. My husband and I got what we came for and then headed home. My anxiety was making me so nauseous that I took some meds for that and then I held a rock to help ground myself. When we got home I took a nap. Later my husband and I started on the gardens. We came in had dinner and started watching a movie.

That's when I realized that all day I have been re-playing that accident over and over again. And not only that, but the scenes of my own accident. I keep hearing the sound of her crash and then the sound of my crash. And her words 'I could have killed someone' keep playing over and over in my head. At the time, I calmly reassured her that she didn't and that the car definitely had damage, no one was hurt. But that line keeps playing over and over in my head because the truck driver that hit us, could have killed someone. I thought he had killed my husband. And I can't stop thinking about it.

I know how to use skills to distract myself and self-soothe, but part of my probably recently is that I build up too much anxiety by being unable to say what is causing my anxiety. So since I couldn't say it, I am writing it here. I am scared and though I have come a long way with dealing with my own accident, I guess today really shook me up and showed me there is more work to do. Right now, if anyone gets this, I could just use some reassurance that things will be okay (not safe), but okay. That I am normal for having these feelings. And another reassuring things you can think of to say because I am afraid that I won't sleep (and this is my third night struggling with last night leading to an ER visit).

 

[twinkle30]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I also had an accident which left me traumatized so I can understand. Each time I have a scare I get really anxious and can't sleep either. It will get better though. Just because you had a scare today and feel like you are regressing a bit doesn't mean all the progress you have made so far goes out the window. This is just a setback but it doesn't mean you won't make it to the end of race. Feel free to PM if you'd like.

 

[twinkle30]

I forgot to mention, cute cat in your profile picture.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I forgot to mention, cute cat in your profile picture.

When I saw your profile picture, I thought it was my cat!

Thanks for your reassuring response.

 

[Friday]

In my experience, when I've had a nasty shock, and let it play out? Go ahead and watch it over and over in my mind for a couple days? Rest and take care of myself? Blow off so,e steam? They don't tend to haunt.

It's the ones I have to suck up & keep moving, grieve later, no time for that now... That stick. There's a timing to those as well. I suspect a personal one. Too much for too long? Nothing to vent it? No way to soften the blow? Those ones grow fangs.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Can you practice just observing your images and let them move to the end-where everytone is safe and not judge it or compare it to your accident. Try to separate from it because it is triggering intrusive memories. That's PTSD for us. Cars make a hell of noise when they collide and that just ramps up the anxiety.

The driver is safe, you are safe as is your husband. It's not required now that you relive it because it's over. Do you have an App for guided relaxation? Breathing steady and notivmcing your breathing. If your mind wanders just come back to the breath. You are safe now. You are going to plant a garden. What are you growing? Think about that. Fantasize about your garden and being outside in nature with the warm sun on your skin. Digging in the dirt is so therapeutic and relaxing. Zen like. Think of things you are grateful for. Increasing pleasant thoughts will naturally detox your stress reaction. So sorry you had to hear that collision. You are safe now.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Do you have an App for guided relaxation?

I don't even have a phone that would allow me to download apps- yep, living in the dark ages. I also hate guided relaxation. I do think it would have helped me to play through the images- to go through the panic and then to the part where everyone in both scenarios is "safe".

 

[scout86]

Everything will be ok. This is a normal reaction, especially for someone who has previously been in a bad accident. The important thing is, no one DID get hurt. You did the right thing by checking on the driver and it was not only kind of you to wait with her, it was pretty brave, considering your history. Personally, I think the fact that you handled it as well as you did is great. You COULD have curled up in a ball and freaked out. Instead, you did what needed to be done. You should give yourself credit for that.

What you're feeling right now sounds pretty normal, all things considered. It's probably unpleasant, but it's just feelings and they can't hurt you and they will pass. When you think about it, remember that it's over, you know the outcome. Everyone is fine and you handled the situation really well.

Hey, you may not be noticing it just yet, but you handled that REALLY WELL. Think about that too, when you think about what happened. How you bravely went over to check on the driver and stayed with her, to help her out. That's well worth giving yourself credit for!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

you may not be noticing it just yet, but you handled that REALLY WELL. Think about that too, when you think about what happened. How you bravely went over to check on the driver and stayed with her, to help her out.

I suppose that I ought to start giving myself some credit for these brave things. It just was natural instinct and a bit surreal. No one else was moving so I walked to the car and helped. Others called 911 after checking in with me. I think everyone was just stunned whereas I went into survival/helpful mode just like I did in my own accident. I didn't think it was brave, but I suppose it all was and perhaps reframing is a good goal to work on.

 

[Changing4Best]

The mind is capable of hiding a lot of things from us, in an attempt to protect us from them. On the other hand, it also can let us see things that seem like too much for us to deal with, but maybe are not really that way in the long run. There is some kind of part of the mind that goes back to earlier times and somehow tries to work these out, whether we feel like doing so or not. I remember many a time saying that my mind has a mind of its own and you can't very well control that part of it. I hope that is not totally confusing to you. I pray that you will recover from this in time. Keep holding that rock and doing other grounding techniques. I hope that helps.