Need Some Advice

[Drizzle]

Up to the age of 19 I was a happy go lucky kid I joined the military had 1 terrible deployment to Iraq and got out in 2009

since then I've struggled with trying to be normal it's not working. I've gained like 200 pounds, I'm tired all the time and just recently had a mental breakdown to were I had myself admitted to the hospital for a bit over a week.

just recently I've started seeing my doc at the VA for metal health and now I'm going from medication to medication. I have bad experiences with most of them and now like the last 3 weeks or so I have no will to live anymore not like I want to kill myself or die, but I feel very indifferent about living I could care less, although I know that's wrong which is why I'm here asking.

I haven't left my room in the last week out side of necessity 1 trip to get toilet paper other than that nothing. the only thing that makes me manage a smile is my 4 year old daughter but even that's short lived the spark of joy dies as soon as she walks away.

I just have no clue what to do with myself anymore. I can't work which leads to no income. I have no hobbies all this is making me more and more gone by the day.

I really feel there is no point anymore. I'm just really tired. I'm seeing my doc 1 time a month roughly, hopefully I can get a therapist soon but I have no idea of what to do. meds don't work, talking doesn't work, I just seem to be falling farther down the rabbits hole.

any advice would be greatly welcomed, and I apologize if this is in the wrong area. I just have never been on a forum before tonight

 

[Buttercup]

@Drizzle I'm so sorry to hear your struggle. You're seeing a doc, are you in therapy as well? Actually seeing a therapist to talk to and group therapy as well. There are lots of programs at VA too - like mindfulness therapy and the like that I hear is very helpful for some. Are you just seeing a doctor and taking meds now?

 

[ladee]

Welcomed. Glad you are here. A very caring and supportive healing community.
Maybe you could look around the forum and find threads that interest you or that you relate to.
This is a very large place. No to Menu and look around.
You are not alone.
Hope to see you around.

 

[Drizzle]

Thank you and i see someone attempted to clean up my writing i never was good with it never really had a good education so thanks

I will look around at the moment im only seeing a dic and prescription all of which seem to have a reverse effect im on my 4th anti depressant 3rd anxiety med and 4th stimulant finally found a good stimulant but as of late even it has 0 effect

I had my psychiatrist give me a refferal to a therapist but as with everything in the va its slow as molasses

Again thanks and hopefully i can learn better to use this tool that has been put forward to me

 

[Buttercup]

There is a forum on here for combat vets. It's a closed group. Maybe you could check it out and see if that's helpful.

I know the VA has issues and depending on where you are, some are better than others. There are a couple in my location that are very good. I hope where you are there are good options for you. I definitely encourage Internet research too if you can to see what's there by you.

 

[joeylittle]

@Drizzle - the VA in some places is running a study, testing an injection that is called a stellate ganglion nerve block.

Link Removed

It could be something worth looking into.

I know how hard it is when nothing seems to work anymore. Try and hang in there - keep searching. Recovery is possible.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Hang in there, things really can get better!

While waiting for therapy, do you have group therapy options? Sometimes, just being with others you can relate to makes a difference.

One idea: I've found, regarding my serious depressions, that isolating at home makes me worse. When depressed, I try very hard to make sure I get out of the house on a daily basis.

 

[Drizzle]

Isolation makes me feel safe i had a freak out moment today on a short drive something popped outside gun firework i have no clue but instantly i started checking myself for wounds and trying to locate a target came back home and have been in my room since then i know being social is a good thing but i cannot bring myself to do so

i also thing this may have something to do with recent swao of medication i was on duloxetine which was working good minus the 1 bad side efdect of dalling out from lack of blood oressure upon standing so now ive been on welbutrin which is about the same time all this started

Honestly i just dont know what i can and cant tell these docs cause it kinda seems rushed during visits and i really dont want to be "that guy" thats markwd as something bad so i do hold back alot of my emotions feeling and thoughts from him.

I have no clue whats important to mental health and whats not and i feel as if im not getting the right help for myself

Sorry if my thoughts come off scrambled i have a hard time with talking in any form about this kinda stuff its all very new to me i have always been a closed up and keep it bottled type of person so i really am trying to get the best message i can across

Tlc can you possibly provide a adress for this group i searched whit no re lts

 

[Buttercup]

@Drizzle this won't allow me to paste the link here. If you go to the forums page on this site and go to the military and emergency services forum page, the link is there. It's mycombatptsd. I hope you can see it.

Link Removed

[Mod edit to include link]

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Isolation makes me feel safe

Isolation has a paradoxical effect for many of us; in the short-term (in the very moment), isolation makes a person feel safer, but in the long-term (after a bit of isolation) the person often feels worse and more frightened.

so now ive been on welbutrin

How are you doing on the Wellbutrin? I took it - and it did positively effect my mood - but it made me so anxious and hypervigilent, I had to give it up. It can be a problematic med for those with anxiety, let alone PTSD.

Hope it's working well for you! Just wanted to let you know how I responded to it.

Sorry if my thoughts come off scrambled

Not at all. You are communicating just fine. I'm glad you found us!