Need The Support Of Anyone Out There

[Lost Pup]

So as some of you may know, my wife is 9 months pregnant. We are three days overdue and, quite unexpected to me, it has set off a maelstrom of flashbacks and dissociation in me. Obviously my only goal in the wolrd right now is to be strong and support my love. But I had a whole slew of new memories last week and they have really destabilized me. I made the mistake of calling my perp late at night and discovering he is dying of cancer. I cannot seem to ground and, knowing I could go to the ER practically any minute, am feeling completely guilty and inadequate.

Any positive thoughts you can share would be so much appreciated.

Love
Lost Pup

 

[scout86]

Remember that the memories are only that, "memories". Their only existence in this world is in your head. Don't let them take over. Don't let "the bad guys" win.

Focus on the future and the new life you and your bride are preparing to bring in to the world! Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to focus on helping someone else. Best of luck with your new adventure! (Be sure to post pictures!! :))

 

[Lost Pup]

Thanks, Scout! Pictures fer sure.

 

[scout86]

:woot:

 

[bell]

This.

Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to focus on helping someone else.

Is there anything you can do for your wife? Or anything that needs doing around the house Are you ultra prepared for the hospital trip? Heck, have you made the perfect "birth mix" for your little one to listen to so they can hear what was popular on the day they were born? (Just throwing things out there.)

This is the perfect time to find something mindless to do (alphabetize your books/records, clean out your closet, etc.) anything that will a) keep you around the house with your wife, b) help time pass, and c) can help ground you.

Also, while the focus won't be on you, you'll be the best place possible when the baby is being born... And, I dunno, do they give sedatives to expectant dads?!

Hang in there, you can do this!

 

[Jane.l]

Just having a baby Is an anxious time - it's exciting too but scary and it's almost like you hold your breath until the baby is born and all is ok - and that's without the ptsd !!!

I don't know if this is your 1st child ??

Things change with each child too and change can be a challenge to your stability - you have a major life event going on here ! Don't be so hard on yourself !

 

[Bedbug]

Another vote for @scout86's suggestion of focusing on helping your wife and your little one. And don't feel guilty for your feelings. They are what they are.

I have very mixed feeling about my "perp". Until recently, I didn't remember all the bad things she had done to me as a child. I only remembered her as kind and funny and someone I enjoyed being around. Although I'm disgusted by what she did, it's hard to reevaluate those good memories in the light of my new knowledge. I don't want to lose them. I am still friends with her on Facebook and can imagine myself contacting her to talk about the happy times that came both before and after the abuse. I can't imagine myself confronting her about the abuse. It's a very strange situation.

Only if you want to talk about it, what the situation with your "perp"?

 

[Abstract]

Sorry to hear this Pup. Remember that you don't have to be super human and that PTSD is serious stuff and changes the way we react to things.

Does your wife know what is happening for you at present? Is there anyone else that can be around for her as well so that a little of the pressure is taken off you?

One thing I would recommend is to see if you can empty the stress cup in any way possible and slow things down. Can you also set a boundary for yourself with your perp? Maybe write it down so that it is definite.

Take care.