Not a great weekend because flashbacks were more complex and confusing and couldn't totally get away from some triggering situations fast enough. My therapist has been gone a while and will still be gone for a couple weeks. I'm glad to be back to a normal routine right now but my body is still buzzing (inner shaking/quaking) no matter what I do, I feel queasy sick, and just physically hurt. My new pain meds aren't really on a timeline (can just take so many per day), so I might try extra earlier in the morning so I can pull out of some of this and do more helpful and grounding things. Yesterday I felt punched in the face, fuzzy, floaty, and had a hard time connecting to things that were helpful just a week ago.
It's hard to feel like it takes 1-2 days to pull me off track and a week to get back on. But that's just how shaky my newer skills are. I'm trying not to freak out by adding frustration to this...going to try to gently speed this mini "recovery" up since I have a little more time today for things that might feel helpful or grounding. I can't physically tolerate going backwards any further. Trying to catch myself. It feels like I still can't feel feelings because I don't have support or a safe enough scenario for managing right now. So, trying to "listen" to my body and take care but also shove feelings back somewhere. I don't like that contradiction...seems like I'm just looking for a sort of bandage today, but it's the balance I need to work out. Glad I'm at least aware of where I'm at.
It's hard to feel like it takes 1-2 days to pull me off track and a week to get back on. But that's just how shaky my newer skills are. I'm trying not to freak out by adding frustration to this...going to try to gently speed this mini "recovery" up since I have a little more time today for things that might feel helpful or grounding. I can't physically tolerate going backwards any further. Trying to catch myself. It feels like I still can't feel feelings because I don't have support or a safe enough scenario for managing right now. So, trying to "listen" to my body and take care but also shove feelings back somewhere. I don't like that contradiction...seems like I'm just looking for a sort of bandage today, but it's the balance I need to work out. Glad I'm at least aware of where I'm at.
