Need to open up about sexual abuse in relationship but can’t

[Help13]

I've been seeing t since sept. Shes cbt focused. Over the last few sessions shes got me to write a timeline of my relationship with my ex and in that ive put times of abuse. I've put all the abuse down but very vague and put things like with friend present or bad time etc. She wants to now start talking more about the stuff in detail but most of the abuse over the 6 years involves sex which she doesn't know. I've told her that quite a few are related to the same thing but havent said what. I know I really need to tell her. I keep going over it in my head but it feels too much. I thought about putting a cross next to all the ones then telling her but I dont think I can cope with that mentally then keep looking at the timeline in future sessions. At the moment in sessions I keep looking at it thinking about how much of it involves sex and it feels overwhelming. I know I need to do thing in order to move on but I dont know how. I dont think it helps that I dont have any attachment to her. I like her though but I dont know if I properly trust her

 

[LuckiLee]

Sorry things are so difficult right now. Could you share what you have written above with her? It explains everything she needs to know without all the details.

 

[Ronin]

Or maybe talk about sexuality issues in general?

Figure out what you can talk about not involving you, what are the hard areas, which ones conflate sex and violence and where, what your boundaries are?

Or maybe find what phrasing you are uncomfortable with? And work around that.

(I can talk sex with mil fellas all day long. Shift it on me to how my rapists called it? I lose my bloody mind. Talk lil details the same phrasing? Checked out and pass. Which are all things that can be worked on with going into minimal details. This piece. That piece. This smell. That nail polish. That tool. This light. That fashion. This nationality company. That shaving cream we don't touch.)

 

[Rumors]

Could you maybe just say something like,
"Suppose there was a sexual component to what happened. If that were the case, it might feel really overwhelming to talk about it and I wouldn't exactly know how."
I have done that. It feels safer and less vulnerable. I also set "supposed boundaries" meaning that if I chose to talk about something that "may" have happened and I need to stop then I could change the subject at any time for any reason. Eventually I worked myself into the story which was hard but I am glad I have made that happen as it feels like forward movement. I'm sorry .... I know it's hard. Hang in there.

 

[oakleaves]

You could give her the post you've written above. Or email her if you can.

She will not be a stranger to hearing these things although she will/should get the enormity of how much courage it will take to share.

Take care.