Never ending intrusive thoughts....

[Freida]

Reality check please!

Does anyone else have intrusive thoughts running in their head constantly? I don't think they are actual flashbacks because I'm aware of where I am and what I'm doing. It's more like my brain is split in half. One half is here typing this question, in my living room, next to my dog. The other half is getting thrown across a room, then being strangled, then feeling a hand grabbing my arm, then hearing a gun shot, and on and on. It's like a ping pong ball on crack.

Sometimes it lands on a specific memory for a couple minutes, but it usually just bounces from scene to scene through all my fun filled adventures. And it never stops. It just changes in intensity. Right now its not too bad - more annoying than anything. But when I get stressed it gets worse and it's more of a struggle to stay present.

Meditation and distraction can help, but the minute I stop its back. I've talked to my T about it and she thinks its just part of my maladaptive coping techniques and should resolve as I go through therapy.

Anyone else have that or am I just a special kind of freak of nature???

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I have it. I keep forgetting that the stressors contribute. Just last night I was laying on my side, watching tv and a flash of me being pushed on my back...legs... anyway, no trigger, just sensations and a visual. Over and over again.

 

[simplysawa]

Reality check please!

Does anyone else have intrusive thoughts running in their head constantly? I don...

True these types of memory or intrusive thought doesn't feel or present itself like a flashback. I think it's because these things were never fully forgotten, more like you were disassociated to anpoint it doesn't feel like a memory, more like watching a moVie. I have intrusive thoughts also in the manner you describe. And the two half for me literally have two seperate feelings about the images.ive also had intrusive thoughts of returning to such torture even though i know its not what i want.

 

[LuckiLee]

Wow. J and I just talked about this today. It came up because his nightmares are pretty bad right now. He said it's like he is living two lives. One here in the present and one... wherever the f*ck his nightmares take him. Then he said it's like that too when his symptoms are spiked. Said his brain never rests. It's like watching flashes of his life in no particular order. Everything reminds him of something!

Hope you don't mind me chiming in and thanks for sharing.

 

[Freida]

@simplysawa @TexCat Thank you! Today I really needed that reassurance.

@leehalf - I don't mind you chiming in at all. That "no particular order" thing is a beotch. If it at least followed a beginning/middle/end line it might be more tolerable - but iit's just flashes. Between the nightmares at night and the constant movies running in my head I'm exhausted. One thing you might pass on to him -- as my therapy continues the nightmares at least are slowing down. I'm jumping out of bed to patrol the house less often than I did a year ago. Now if I could just beat my waking brain into submission......

 

[Deleted member 37474]

@simplysawa @TexCat Thank you! Today I really needed that reas...

This reminds me of when my Therapist told me that she can't wait til I am ready to do emdr on the the "rape piece." She wanted to give my brain a rest and she knows solving the trauma is the only way to truly do that.

 

[Freida]

This reminds me of when my Therapist told me that she can't wait til I am ready to do emdr on the the "r...

funny/sad - my EMDR therapist said the same thing to me! I'm just a long way from there yet -- to many smaller ones to solve first. Which is frustrating since the "smaller ones" are just as bad. ugh. It's like the merry go round from hell

 

[Deleted member 37474]

funny/sad - my EMDR therapist said the same thing to me! I'm just a long way from there yet -- to many...

I think they know that we will be so much better. I have solved three small things, so I do believe it will work.

 

[Freida]

That's the best part of being on this site -- the people who have gone before and can offer reassurance that it will all be worth it some day. I finally had a small success with one trauma so I'm hoping it sets me up for success for the next ones. But days like today...ugh.

 

[Fadeaway]

Two different brains, one in the now that I can control, and the other one in the past that I can't? Yup. It really is like I have two brains going at once for me. It makes mundane activities like doing the dishes or whatever very difficult because I am not engaged in something where the now brain can be louder.

 

[simplysawa]

Two different brains, one in the now that I can control, and the other one in the past that I can't? Y...

Great description, i wasn't sure if this is a result of dissaciotive idendity disorder or multiple personality disorder or something else, there is such a range, its hard to beg exactly what is going on in the mind, seems it takes a compilation of your own memories dreams and such with others accounts or research to get an idea

 

[simplysawa]

Wow. J and I just talked about this today. It came up because his nightmares are pretty bad right now....

Oh my goodness, i feel the same way about feeling i have two lives, the contrast of the waking life and nightmares, not sure what else to say except that i relate to that so much