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Sufferer New And Nervous

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Magdalena

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Hello, and wow, this is quite scarier than I thought it would be. I live where there are no support groups, nor any experienced therapists for PTSD and I have had C-PTSD for around 41 years and am learning that it has impacted my life and my family much more than I ever realized. So, since I'm now able to begin the gut-wrenching climb out of the dark hole we seem to plummet into without any warning, I am giving this online support system a try. :)
 
Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this place helps you. It's very useful because of the bulk amount of people who feel similar and understand. There is a lot of advice and support to be found here :) I hope that this amazing community helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and learning a lot along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:
 
Hi @Magdalena
I'm glad you found this site and are beginning "thd gut wrenching climb out of the black hole"!! It's very well worth it. I'm pretty sure my own cptsd goes back 40 ish years, and sometimes I even can appreciate the onset of terrible symptoms as it made me see a therapist and start my own climb. So many years I spent in denial and covering up!! That's the real craziness.
Anyway, welcome! Wishing you much healing
 
Many thanks to all of you! I have somehow been able to climb out of the hole of this episode of C-PTSD and am so grateful to have found this community. As time allows, I will be able to check in more often.
The kicker with my c-ptsd is that I cannot seem to recognize that it has me in its grips before I'm already down in the dark hole. This both shocks and angers me that I don't see it coming AT ALL.. Perhaps that is the wiring in my brain? Or that I can tell that I've not clearly understood what the markers are. Seeking out this support group has certainly helped as I have never had one person to turn to in my life, and those that I tried to get to help me do not understand the disorder and seem to have no intention of making an effort to learn. Perhaps this isn't the thread to post this on, so I'll close for now. Again, THANK YOU to all of you. Stay strong. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Ah yes, the old "cannot recognize it until you're in its oily clutch" gambit. Know it well. Fall victim to it daily. You're have a lot of company there too.

Learning how to see it coming is really difficult and may remain that way. Then one day, you do see it coming, and you respond in a more healthy manner. Then, you do it again. It's only slowly that you learn to do so consistently. Be patient and never get on your own case for not having success with this all the time.

If you have not heard of mindfulness and grounding, now might be a good time to look into it. Also, if possible, fire up a subroutine in your brain's computer that emits a little voice whenever you find yourself "in it". It should tell you raise your head and face out of the cloud of anxiety, get above it, and observe it. Other visualizations may work better for you, like imagine the things troubling you as small boulders that you can step over or around. When anxiety strikes, we tend to visualize it as right in our face, surrounding our heads, as if we're drowning or breathing its gas. The point is to change the visualization so that it isn't overpowering your senses, that its a less like a gas and more like an object you can step away from. (Hope my rambling makes sense.)

One thing that worked for me, for a time anyway, was to tell myself when I knew I would enter a potentially triggering social situation to "be ready" with an alternative visualization that I could use to not slip into "it." It was a way to replace subconscious hypervigilance with something deliberate that would help keep the anxiety at bay.

Lastly, you are right that others generally won't know how to treat us right. There are a lot of people with PTSD that feel like their on one side of a chasm and their tribe (family, friends, etc.) are on the other. We really really want them to hear us, understand us, but everything we try to say is drowned by the wind. My advice is to look on our side of the chasm (this forum for one) for understanding. This sucks and sucks big time. But I think at least in the near term, look for support where you know you'll find it.
 
Ah yes, the old "cannot recognize it until you're in its oily clutch" gambit. Know it well. Fall victi...

Awesome advice! Thank you immensely. I like the visualization method of going above it instead of letting it engulf me. Nearing the end of this last episode, after crying and praying in the shower, I got out and suddenly remembered that what happened to make me feel so unloved and unwanted was no longer happening. That I was in a better place now. And I was able to walk out of there and join my life again. I was shocked and greatly relieved that something as simple as that worked (at least at that juncture of the ordeal) :)
 
Hi @Magdalena welcome to you. :)

Do you find the explanation for the feelings is easily identifiable with the past? I find rather my mind tries to explain it away 'in the now', and only later if at all I can realize it related actually to the past.

I hope you find healing and support here.
 
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