Sufferer New Here. Extreme Domestic Violence.

[Lucille]

J'aime, I'm so glad you're feeling comfortable here. I do think it's really important not to overlook how essential therapy really is. Maybe the therapist you went to isn't the right one for you. It doesn't hurt to look around to find someone better, but it will take some time for you to feel safe telling your deepest darkest secrets in person to a stranger. But it is sooo crucial to the healing process. It's easy to let a bad therapist turn you away from seeking therapy, but don't let that person stop you from getting better. I had a bad experience and didn't get help for years... I really regret that because I could have really started to heal so much sooner. My new therapist is very supportive, and I know you can find one who is too.

Some things I did at the beginning of my therapy to help make me feel like I was getting more out of the sessions was to write down the things I wanted to talk about throughout the week leading up to a session. Then I didn't feel like it was a Q&A session, and I could actually get some advice on the things I was dealing with. Also, if it's tough to say something, I will often close my eyes or look at the ceiling when I say it just to help me get whatever it is out. That's what works for me. Just try a few different things and see what works for you!

Hugs for everyone today!! :inlove:

 

[J'aime]

Thank you for that advice! I never thought to make a list before seeing the therapist. I have seen many different therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. Mowt of them either seemed like they had something better to do, were uninterested, or had stupid metaphors to try and relate my issues with inanimate objects ("Think of your body as a milk bottle...and think of the milk as your emotions. Now, you keep bottling up these emotions,and eventually, the bottle will overflow". Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious. Haha. I was even seen by a doctor who turned me away after several sessions because he decided he wasn't wualified to treat me! $1,500 later, mind you! So I was greatly turned away from them for a long time. I finally found one here in town who specializes in ptsd, but he is outside of my insurance's network of providers. Luckily, my insurance is willing to make exceptions, so I am working on that currently. Widh me luck that this guy isn't a poet!! haha

xoxoxo's to ya!! :)

 

[CaringMomma]

Wow, I hope you don't mind, but I just have to say that I understand you, Lucille and J'aime! You both put things in such a way that I can understand and relate to. I wish that I could do that on a regular basis. I still struggle with sharing, communicating and relationships. It's not that I don't want to do these things. It's just difficult! Thank you, both, for sharing. Now I'm crying because I just want so badly to feel better.

 

[J'aime]

Awww, you will get there. :) I never wanted to share my experiences from the past before. But this year, I have slowly toed the line between "Keep it a secret" and "Get this outta me!!" I luckily teetered to the latter, realizing that if I didn't release myself from the inside, I'd be trapped there forever. It is much too difficult to explain this stuff to my friends, etc. because most of them have stable lives in which they don't understand what a life-altering traumatic experience(s) includes, and how it changes you. I feel judged telling other people what happened throughout my life, and ai considered going to yet another therapist....but then one day it hit me: tell other people who are going through it with you! It has been tremendously theraputic to not only spill it all out there, but to hear and see other people dealing with it as well. I don't feel so alone and "weird" anymore. Blessings to you, and lots of hugs!!

 

[Lucille]

I'm the same way! I actually pretended that I was better for quite a while (over 2 years). I just thought it had been long enough... That it was time to get over it, but PTSD doesn't work like that. So my vowing not to talk to anyone about it backfired on me. Now I'm kind of at the point where I just say whatever it is that comes to mind. Even if I can't explain it, I just spill because I wasted too much time not trying to let it out. I was standing in the way of myself getting better. Now I write down what I'm feeling in my journal or on the forum, or I call my boyfriend and tell him I need him to come over to talk about it.

CaringMomma, you will get better at it! Don't get discouraged. Even reading posts without posting is a start on the road to recovery! Just keep trying, and you will find your voice. We all struggle with expressing what we are feeling too. Sometimes I feel like my trauma diary probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it helps me and that's what matters. I've also kept the news about my PTSD from many of my close friends plus my brother because I'm afraid to be seen as the victim. But I'm trying to make sure to let in at least a few people so that I have someone to go to when I need help or support. Even if they don't understand fully, they are there for me. Baby steps.

 

[J'aime]

You are very lucky and blessed to have a boyfriend to talk to :) I am happy for you! My journal on here probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense to some others, either...but as I type it, I know what I'm talking about or referring to, and it definitely helps! I am very glad that I found this forum, and ai'm glad you did, too. Very theraputic and comforting. xoxo