Sufferer New Here, Not New to This? Childhood Trauma & Living Through Civil War

[VRabbit]

So, I've been officially diagnosed after avoiding for years because I'm about to walk out on my life again.

I've been with my fiance for over a decade, own a home, have a career, and a lovely two year old GSD.

I suffered severe abuse as a child both physically and emotionally that resulted in six major and two minor surgeries before ten, and then lived in a war zone (civil war). I thought this was normal, and just how I am. The constant nightmares, paranoia, the sudden bouts of aggression or abject fear. I always blamed my insomnia on everything else but mental health issues. I sleep for hours a night on a good night, for years. Then I go days without sleeping until I hallucinate from the sleep deprivation and physically cannot stay awake. This is normal, this is stress, everyone goes through this... right? That was my line at least.

I just can't anymore.

My psychiatrist has put me on hydroxyzine, prazosin, and paroxetine. I'm seeing a therapist as well. Somehow this is more stressful.

I don't know why I'm here, or why I feel so weak for asking for help. This all kind of... just sucks.

So hi, I guess?

 

[Longtime ptsd]

You are not alone
This is a great place to get help and support

 

[Longtime ptsd]

It will get better

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[ladee]

Welcome. I understand about feeling weak asking for help. But it has been one of the best things I ever did was come here and ask for help.

It's really courage, not weakness. Hopefully, you will feel that soon.

Glad you are here if not glad for the reasons.

 

[Longtime ptsd]

There will be people here to support you. They are already reading your story

 

[somerandomguy]

Hi @VRabbit - welcome.

 

[Longtime ptsd]

Did u here from ladee?

And more people are responding already

 

[VRabbit]

Thank you all for being so kind and welcoming. I really needed to reach out to people that can stand near where I am and see the same sort of things on the horizon.

I thought I was over this so many times, and this... whatever it's called has been escalating to the point where I'm just unsure of everything about myself, my relationships, and my life pattern. I'm hoping the medications and the therapy can help me keep things together. Even if it's just store brand scotch tape for now and I can move up to duct tape later.

I really appreciate everyone that has responded. It does mean a lot.

 

[Longtime ptsd]

I already feel better and I believe this is only my second day.

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi.

Believe it or not. Today's your lucky day. This is a great place to be. Glad you found us!

XO

 

[reallydown]

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you've gone through a lot. You've come to the right place.