I found this web site searching the internet for information about PTSD. I have not been diagnosed yet, but I am an RN and it is pretty obvious this is what is happening to me. I have also made friends with a Vietnam War vet and he says my symptoms are classic.
At the moment I am typing this I am not doing so well. My moods are up and down and I am trying to hold myself together. I have times of intense anxiety, times I cannot stop crying, times I feel suicidal, times I feel overwhelmed, and constant fear, I am in constant fear and times I feel like myself. I'm having trouble leaving the house, but I have to get food so I'm going out today. I work from home.
A few months ago I moved with my ex boyfriend to a new town. I dont even know if I can write all the details out. I have posted on another board for people dealing with sociopaths. He is a diagnosed sociopath. When we moved he became violent and changed into a different person. He was drugging me I lost a tremendous amount of weight. I had thought it was because of a chronic illness I have. He was gaslighting. He knocked me unconscious. He threatened my life, but not in a direct way, but the judge at the hearing for the protective order interpreted it as a threat to my life. He told me just how he can love on an animal, detach and kill it, that he can detach from me too. He has threatened to f*** me up and has put a lien on my house. He says he will enjoy f****** me up.
He is a felon and went to prison for a white-collar crime, but in the paperwork he left behind I have discovered there have been multiple orders of protection against him and it is all scary...making bombs, silencers for guns, etc. I know this man. He is a seasoned criminal. He is a sociopath and a con. If he wants to break in my house and kill me he will do it. The neighbors told him I have a gun. Ive become obsessed with guns, but yet haven't gotten one yet. If he feels he has nothing to lose, he absolutely will kill me.
I believe he was planning on killing me. He was trying to convince me to give him my power of attorney, to write a will, to get a life insurance policy. I have talked with his ex and she believes he has killed before. This all goes around and around and around in my head. He was going to kill me and he thought he could get away with it....but for God's sake he is a felon and he is the first person they would look at.
He was telling me I was insane, telling me that the whole neighborhood could tell I was crazy. He threatened to call the police and have me committed.
He violated the OP and was arressted. He emailed me, and in the email he said he expected me to call the cops, and that way he could get me into court and show I am a liar. I fear for retribution. The authorities have been great. It seems like they are treating this case differently than most domestic abuse cases it seems. I think they know something I dont and are building a case against him.
I have always been a pacifist, but now obsessed with guns. I have an "impending sense of doom." I cant sleep. I dont know how I have managed to keep my job, but I have.
My ex husband was a narcissist....I thought I would never let this kind of thing happen again, yet here I am. I was abused in all ways as a child.
I keep seeing my ex's face right before he knocked me out...he had a smile. I see his face standing over me when I came too. I see his face standing over me when he was holding me down by my neck. I see his face when he was shouting at me that he is going to f*** me up. I'm having flashbacks from childhood of things I thought were long gone.
My moods are all over, my short term memory is screwed up. I can feel under control one minute and feel suicidal the next.
The unreality and the insanity of all of this is beyond my comprehension. It goes around and around and around in my head.
I have had a drinking problem in the past, but quit several months ago, now started again. I went to AA meetings for the first time, 3 meetings, but a man kept staring at me, hugging me, trying to touch me, sitting facing me when he should face the speaker, and I just feel I cannot go back there.
I go to court with my ex at the end of the month and I just feel like there will be retribution. I feel like he is going to try to kill me. I just know it. When he was arrested for the thing he went to prison for he hid for several months. He could do it again. I think the only thing that stops him from killing me is fear of going to prison again.
He is on the radar. The authorities are aware. Im reading "The Gift of Fear" and it has terrified me because I realize my ex is fits the description of a man who would kill his partner.
I contacted a counselor who works with trauma patients, but he hasnt contacted me back. If not for the Samaratins writing to me I probably would be dead. I had a plan, a list of the pros and cons, and the pros outweighed the cons. I know I need help and need it soon, but sometimes just feel paralyzed. i know I need to get a gun, but I feel paralyzed to go get one. At least he thinks I have one.
Through this ordeal I have had anxiety that I never imagined possible for a human being to feel. An indescrible anxiety, like a huge wall of anxiety freezing me. I cry a lot....every day. I can't control it sometimes. Sometimes I feel frozen, I force myself to work. Sometimes I feel dead inside. Sometimes I feel like myself again. I'm all over the place.
I think a lot about 911, the Holocaust, and soldiers coming back from war and what they have gone through and what society expects from people who have been through trauma. Society really doesn't understand.
I need a quick fix. Has anyone here done EMDR therapy?
I have to say that the dog picture on this web site is disconcerting.
At the moment I am typing this I am not doing so well. My moods are up and down and I am trying to hold myself together. I have times of intense anxiety, times I cannot stop crying, times I feel suicidal, times I feel overwhelmed, and constant fear, I am in constant fear and times I feel like myself. I'm having trouble leaving the house, but I have to get food so I'm going out today. I work from home.
A few months ago I moved with my ex boyfriend to a new town. I dont even know if I can write all the details out. I have posted on another board for people dealing with sociopaths. He is a diagnosed sociopath. When we moved he became violent and changed into a different person. He was drugging me I lost a tremendous amount of weight. I had thought it was because of a chronic illness I have. He was gaslighting. He knocked me unconscious. He threatened my life, but not in a direct way, but the judge at the hearing for the protective order interpreted it as a threat to my life. He told me just how he can love on an animal, detach and kill it, that he can detach from me too. He has threatened to f*** me up and has put a lien on my house. He says he will enjoy f****** me up.
He is a felon and went to prison for a white-collar crime, but in the paperwork he left behind I have discovered there have been multiple orders of protection against him and it is all scary...making bombs, silencers for guns, etc. I know this man. He is a seasoned criminal. He is a sociopath and a con. If he wants to break in my house and kill me he will do it. The neighbors told him I have a gun. Ive become obsessed with guns, but yet haven't gotten one yet. If he feels he has nothing to lose, he absolutely will kill me.
I believe he was planning on killing me. He was trying to convince me to give him my power of attorney, to write a will, to get a life insurance policy. I have talked with his ex and she believes he has killed before. This all goes around and around and around in my head. He was going to kill me and he thought he could get away with it....but for God's sake he is a felon and he is the first person they would look at.
He was telling me I was insane, telling me that the whole neighborhood could tell I was crazy. He threatened to call the police and have me committed.
He violated the OP and was arressted. He emailed me, and in the email he said he expected me to call the cops, and that way he could get me into court and show I am a liar. I fear for retribution. The authorities have been great. It seems like they are treating this case differently than most domestic abuse cases it seems. I think they know something I dont and are building a case against him.
I have always been a pacifist, but now obsessed with guns. I have an "impending sense of doom." I cant sleep. I dont know how I have managed to keep my job, but I have.
My ex husband was a narcissist....I thought I would never let this kind of thing happen again, yet here I am. I was abused in all ways as a child.
I keep seeing my ex's face right before he knocked me out...he had a smile. I see his face standing over me when I came too. I see his face standing over me when he was holding me down by my neck. I see his face when he was shouting at me that he is going to f*** me up. I'm having flashbacks from childhood of things I thought were long gone.
My moods are all over, my short term memory is screwed up. I can feel under control one minute and feel suicidal the next.
The unreality and the insanity of all of this is beyond my comprehension. It goes around and around and around in my head.
I have had a drinking problem in the past, but quit several months ago, now started again. I went to AA meetings for the first time, 3 meetings, but a man kept staring at me, hugging me, trying to touch me, sitting facing me when he should face the speaker, and I just feel I cannot go back there.
I go to court with my ex at the end of the month and I just feel like there will be retribution. I feel like he is going to try to kill me. I just know it. When he was arrested for the thing he went to prison for he hid for several months. He could do it again. I think the only thing that stops him from killing me is fear of going to prison again.
He is on the radar. The authorities are aware. Im reading "The Gift of Fear" and it has terrified me because I realize my ex is fits the description of a man who would kill his partner.
I contacted a counselor who works with trauma patients, but he hasnt contacted me back. If not for the Samaratins writing to me I probably would be dead. I had a plan, a list of the pros and cons, and the pros outweighed the cons. I know I need help and need it soon, but sometimes just feel paralyzed. i know I need to get a gun, but I feel paralyzed to go get one. At least he thinks I have one.
Through this ordeal I have had anxiety that I never imagined possible for a human being to feel. An indescrible anxiety, like a huge wall of anxiety freezing me. I cry a lot....every day. I can't control it sometimes. Sometimes I feel frozen, I force myself to work. Sometimes I feel dead inside. Sometimes I feel like myself again. I'm all over the place.
I think a lot about 911, the Holocaust, and soldiers coming back from war and what they have gone through and what society expects from people who have been through trauma. Society really doesn't understand.
I need a quick fix. Has anyone here done EMDR therapy?
I have to say that the dog picture on this web site is disconcerting.
