In Rainbows
New Here
Hi,
I am quite nervous about posting here. I apologise if this post is a bit long, but I think it's important to have as much on the table as possible.
I have been married to my wife for just under a year, and we are both quite young. I love her very dearly and we have just moved back to her home country after a terrible battle with immigration in mine. Our relationship has been built through a lot of stress (particularly for her), and getting settled into a different country has been a contributing factor. I struggle to keep close friends anyway, so moving to a new place means I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
My wife's PTSD is related to two terribly abusive relationships, and unwanted sexual contact in childhood. There have been other things too, and I am grateful every day that she is here and the remarkably talented, artistic and compassionate person she is. During our battles with immigration I made sure I was by her side through the late nights, working during the days, and doing whatever I can.
Unfortunately, though, I have not been a good guy in the past. I cheated once on my previous long-term partner and have regretted that mistake every day since. I have also struggled with depression and honesty, and I often say things to make myself seem like a better person than I am. Just little things, mostly, but I know that it's not good at all.
I came clean to my wife about this bad behaviour after we had been married for a while and it caused a huge upset. Not only was she hurt by my lying to her when asked directly about it, but also because she felt kinship with my previous partner, as her own had done the same thing I had done (though on a regular basis, unapologetically). She forgave me for that after some time, but some of the previous small dishonesties or distortions have come up again, and each time the reaction gets worse. Last night I saw the most physical manifestation and it terrified me.
This may seem like I am describing a terrible relationship, but most of the time we are really happy and we have some great dreams together that we're working on. I have been working very hard to fix my problems and to be the best person I can be. I know that I have been supportive and done some really good things, but right now it feels like every time I make a mistake, I undo all of that work (including the work that both of us put in). Feeling guilty for so long is also exhausting.
Any advice on how to help my wife would be greatly appreciated. I just want her to be safe and happy.
Apologies for the long rambling post once again.
I am quite nervous about posting here. I apologise if this post is a bit long, but I think it's important to have as much on the table as possible.
I have been married to my wife for just under a year, and we are both quite young. I love her very dearly and we have just moved back to her home country after a terrible battle with immigration in mine. Our relationship has been built through a lot of stress (particularly for her), and getting settled into a different country has been a contributing factor. I struggle to keep close friends anyway, so moving to a new place means I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
My wife's PTSD is related to two terribly abusive relationships, and unwanted sexual contact in childhood. There have been other things too, and I am grateful every day that she is here and the remarkably talented, artistic and compassionate person she is. During our battles with immigration I made sure I was by her side through the late nights, working during the days, and doing whatever I can.
Unfortunately, though, I have not been a good guy in the past. I cheated once on my previous long-term partner and have regretted that mistake every day since. I have also struggled with depression and honesty, and I often say things to make myself seem like a better person than I am. Just little things, mostly, but I know that it's not good at all.
I came clean to my wife about this bad behaviour after we had been married for a while and it caused a huge upset. Not only was she hurt by my lying to her when asked directly about it, but also because she felt kinship with my previous partner, as her own had done the same thing I had done (though on a regular basis, unapologetically). She forgave me for that after some time, but some of the previous small dishonesties or distortions have come up again, and each time the reaction gets worse. Last night I saw the most physical manifestation and it terrified me.
This may seem like I am describing a terrible relationship, but most of the time we are really happy and we have some great dreams together that we're working on. I have been working very hard to fix my problems and to be the best person I can be. I know that I have been supportive and done some really good things, but right now it feels like every time I make a mistake, I undo all of that work (including the work that both of us put in). Feeling guilty for so long is also exhausting.
Any advice on how to help my wife would be greatly appreciated. I just want her to be safe and happy.
Apologies for the long rambling post once again.
