- Thread starter
- #13
I don't discuss the topic of PTSD with my fellow officers and certainly not with my superiors. It has an attached stigma here. People think you are either mad or just going after a handy number with a large compensation.
Well i returned to work after 3 months out and it took another 3 months or so for my chest to heal up, etc. I carried on doing the exact same job in the same area where i was shot.
The morning of the incident i went to the scene of a shooting with other officers. There had been a shotgun blast discharged through the front window of a house. There is an ongoing feud with two families. The area i work has the largest percentage of gangland crime in the capital.
I was left there with a female officer and about an hour later the suspects returned. I approached the drivers window and reached to grab him. However the front seat passenger with him, had a sawn off shotgun and he fired it at me. I had time the moment i saw the gun to turn. luckily i did or the blast would have gone right through my chest and out my back. Instead i was hit in the left side of my chest and left arm. The car sped off and i was in shock i think. I actually walked up the road to pick up my hat. it had been hit by the pellets and blasted up the road. i bent down to pick it up and wondered where all the blood was coming from. People were coming from their houses and screaming. It was then i felt the pain in my chest and i thought i had broken a rib or something. It still didnt sink in that i was shot even though i actually knew i had been........strange i know...... Anyway one of the guys in the house which had earlier been shot at.. came out and started jumping in the air roaring and laughing. He was shouting at me " Great, i hope u die,, etc". Nice people we protect....... Incidentially he was shot since in the head and has been in rehab for the past year. he will be a vegatable for the rest of his life..............
Anyway after i got out of hospital, my house and mobile phone never stopped ringing.... It was a few days later that i started to feel real guilt and anger. I actually felt that i should have died and in some strange way felt guilty that i hadnt. I was in all the papers and on tv, described as a hero etc. This made me angry and messed me up as i kept telling people that i did nothing... I had 2 small children and i started to get angry with them over nothing. Noise in the home would drive me mad and i felt no one understood me. I had 2 road rage incidents. i was losing it. I was staying up late watching of all things, Cop programmes and if a car chase of shoot out was on, i got angry and my muscles and body tensed. I had a mass of various emotions. My memory initially was terrible. I would forget why i walked into the kitchen etc.
My anger problem got worse and i turned on my wife who i felt didnt understand anything... Hell i didn't even know myself what she was meant to understand.
I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed medication and sent me to a councellor who actually turned out to be an x alcoholic and wife beater. The minute he heard that i had a row with my wife he told me i was an abusive husband and he had dealt with my type all to many times before.
I asked him did he know that i had been shot and maybe it was from this. He replied we're not here to talk about your shooting, we're here to talk about your family abuse problem. I said actually i'm not here to talk at all and i got up and walked.
I went to my local doctor who sent me to a psychologist who specialises in Trauma. He was great and has helped me to no ends. He said i had be totally misdiasnosed and this was the biggest problem people in traumatic situations faced when they went to the wrong doctors.
Its 2 years since the incident and i'm doing well. i have had some downs since but i return to the psychologist when i feel low. It's just easy to talk to him. I still dont tell my wife anything. Unfortunately she is not the most understanding person in the world.... But thats life...........
Anyways there's more but thats enough for the moment.
Thanks for listening
Well i returned to work after 3 months out and it took another 3 months or so for my chest to heal up, etc. I carried on doing the exact same job in the same area where i was shot.
The morning of the incident i went to the scene of a shooting with other officers. There had been a shotgun blast discharged through the front window of a house. There is an ongoing feud with two families. The area i work has the largest percentage of gangland crime in the capital.
I was left there with a female officer and about an hour later the suspects returned. I approached the drivers window and reached to grab him. However the front seat passenger with him, had a sawn off shotgun and he fired it at me. I had time the moment i saw the gun to turn. luckily i did or the blast would have gone right through my chest and out my back. Instead i was hit in the left side of my chest and left arm. The car sped off and i was in shock i think. I actually walked up the road to pick up my hat. it had been hit by the pellets and blasted up the road. i bent down to pick it up and wondered where all the blood was coming from. People were coming from their houses and screaming. It was then i felt the pain in my chest and i thought i had broken a rib or something. It still didnt sink in that i was shot even though i actually knew i had been........strange i know...... Anyway one of the guys in the house which had earlier been shot at.. came out and started jumping in the air roaring and laughing. He was shouting at me " Great, i hope u die,, etc". Nice people we protect....... Incidentially he was shot since in the head and has been in rehab for the past year. he will be a vegatable for the rest of his life..............
Anyway after i got out of hospital, my house and mobile phone never stopped ringing.... It was a few days later that i started to feel real guilt and anger. I actually felt that i should have died and in some strange way felt guilty that i hadnt. I was in all the papers and on tv, described as a hero etc. This made me angry and messed me up as i kept telling people that i did nothing... I had 2 small children and i started to get angry with them over nothing. Noise in the home would drive me mad and i felt no one understood me. I had 2 road rage incidents. i was losing it. I was staying up late watching of all things, Cop programmes and if a car chase of shoot out was on, i got angry and my muscles and body tensed. I had a mass of various emotions. My memory initially was terrible. I would forget why i walked into the kitchen etc.
My anger problem got worse and i turned on my wife who i felt didnt understand anything... Hell i didn't even know myself what she was meant to understand.
I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed medication and sent me to a councellor who actually turned out to be an x alcoholic and wife beater. The minute he heard that i had a row with my wife he told me i was an abusive husband and he had dealt with my type all to many times before.
I asked him did he know that i had been shot and maybe it was from this. He replied we're not here to talk about your shooting, we're here to talk about your family abuse problem. I said actually i'm not here to talk at all and i got up and walked.
I went to my local doctor who sent me to a psychologist who specialises in Trauma. He was great and has helped me to no ends. He said i had be totally misdiasnosed and this was the biggest problem people in traumatic situations faced when they went to the wrong doctors.
Its 2 years since the incident and i'm doing well. i have had some downs since but i return to the psychologist when i feel low. It's just easy to talk to him. I still dont tell my wife anything. Unfortunately she is not the most understanding person in the world.... But thats life...........
Anyways there's more but thats enough for the moment.
Thanks for listening
