Sufferer New Member Seeking Advice About Handling CSA Memories

[Mumo]

Hi @Tura
I think it's brave of you to seek answers and to seek truth.

COCSA is traumatic.

This is absolutely true and is nothing to laugh at...your therapist should not laugh at you. It's sounds like you are happy with your therapist :) and once your trust builds and you are able to open up, you will find she won't laugh. What you went through is traumatic, she won't minimalize it.
I too experienced COCSA and it was terrifing.

 

[Still Standing]

Just a note, you may want to consider for the future, @Tura. There is reason behind the therapist or psych doc needing to know, in a bit more detail, what happened to you as a child or adult. They don’t need grand detail but enough to verify and understand the seriousness of your abuses. Prior to my diagnosis of PTSD, my psych doc said he thought I had PTSD but needed more time and information to finalize that conclusion...much like yours did. Then I had to explain to him what traumas I had had. Because mine also included COCSA, and other abuses that embarrassed me so badly, I listed them, on paper, and sent them to because I was unable to mention them in front of him. It took three sessions before he felt he had enough information to confirm PTSD. So don’t hold back from the T if you want a diagnosis. They ask for the information they need to properly diagnose you. One visit will not be sufficient. They have a certain protocol to follow. And trust is everything. They are there to listen and guide you to a better way to process and handle your trauma events. I hope you are able to find a great trauma specialist who you trust and feel comfortable with.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Hey @Tura , just wanted to say hello and welcome! And that I’ve also experienced COCSA. I’m still working on the PTSD symptoms surrounding it, but it does get better. I’m very glad you like your therapist, and hope they will be of great assistance to you!

 

[Tura]

Thank you everyone for your support for this stuff. I just feel so confused about almost all of it. I think I might be in denial. Like it seems as though I hold onto even the tiniest memories that could be used as evidence against me. As if my brain is going, "Look see, you did want it".

 

[Tura]

Hi, I'm just kind of scared, I'm sorry I haven't really been active, I mean I post an introduction and leave basically. I just really need to talk to someone about what's happened in the last week because I don't know what to do and the thought of hurting myself keeps coming back up.

I saw my grandmother's corpse when I was a kid, and then as a kid I apparently was dead certain that I then saw her a few days after she had died, at the table in the morning drinking tea.

My mom grew up in a house where a man had hanged himself in their basement, and that terrified her when she was a child, so much so that her dad walled off and made a separate room out of the section of their basement that my mom was scared of going to. And now it's like just imagine what would happen if I succeeded in hanging myself in my family's basement. I don't think I want to do that anymore but it's just I had tried twice over the summer, and I didn't know about any of these things related to my mom until earlier this week on Monday.

 

[blackemerald1]

I just really need to talk to someone about what's happened in the last week because I don't know what to do and the thought of hurting myself keeps coming back up

Have you discussed this with your T? Have you told your T about your desire to self-harm?

 

[Tura]

I have told her, though to be honest I haven't had an urge to hurt myself that's been that strong since February of last year.