Sufferer New Member- Startle Response Questions?

[California Rey]

It's been a few years after my time in the desert or my initial trauma event yet every time someone comes to my house be it friends or strangers I yell get angry and tell them to go away! It's hurting my friendships. My last encounter was the worst. The anger or fear was so bad I started shaking and freaking out. I said your not supposed to be here go wait outside! Yet I was pleased to see her. By the time I could get my feet moving she had run away, and was probably crying!? Called me a psyhco! That's how I feel. It's totally isolating me from all friends. I yell and get freaked inappropriate times. Especially if it's an unscheduled visit! What do I do?

I just got a PTSD diagnosis last month. Even though it's been a few years from my time in the hot sands of a bad place. I got into a few scrapes with the authorities because I freaked out like this? What do you do about this startle response I am begging for help. My whole family is in the service. Mostly officers and they say talking about this is weak- my dad got mad at the doctors when they diagnosed me?! Even though he is a veteran of 2 wars twenty years of service and a lot of close calls.

Yes I almost died in the desert and my blood was spilled I feel no one cares and it would be better not to exist in a broken state. Life sucks what do I do?

 

[rainy_daze]

Hi California Rey.

I would personally ask the person who diagnosed you more questions about what has been happening to you recently. Especially about the startle response, which I think you are confusing a bit with fear and anxiety in general. It sounds like you are having an awful time.

There are people who care - not just professionals - and it sounds like you have a father who cares about you too. If he did not care about you, he would not have had that reaction and he would not have bothered being with you for your diagnosis at all. Family members may react in different ways to your diagnosis, but that is not for you to worry about.

It would be a good idea to have a read of the different threads on this forum for some coping strategies. Although the diagnosis can seem overwhelming at first, you're in the right place for some support to learn how to take care of yourself, but it is also advisable to get in touch with a professional, in my opinion. I suppose no one can tell you what to do. What do you think you should do?

You said you almost died, but you are still here, and you said you are begging for help, and I've heard you. You're not alone and you can fight this. It takes courage to begin to face what is going on and at first it can be confusing. I am not sure if this is the same for you, but I used to think I was crazy. I used to think I had really lost my sanity, and it was terrifying. I know I am not crazy now. PTSD is an illness, and like any illness, it takes time to heal and strategies to manage the illness.

I hope what I have said has helped a little bit. Either way, I hope you can use this forum as a resource for coping and that a professional can give you more expert advice, until you feel strong enough to go it alone. Take care of yourself.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I can relate with most of what you are saying. You are not alone anymore.

Take care.

 

[California Rey]

Thank you so much for the replies. I would love to talk to a professional but I have only medicad insurance for poor people I am not wealthy. I went to a place for 10 days of intensive therapy in Ohio and they gave me all sorts of booklets and DBT therapy to try. It sort of works but the main problem is how its affecting my personal relatinships. I am try to date/marry this bueatiful woman and sometimes its like a magical romance and I am chill and collected.

Most of the time like 80% I screw it up when I see her. I will use a specific example of what I am talking about.
I get in a social situation like a party or bar or where I am suposed to meet her and I start wigging out. I am "triggered" by something and I start shouting at the top of my voice, and then I run away?!
So yes its fear and anxiety, but its also like temparay dementa or alzhimers or something. Sometimes I can't recognize people I know for a moment, or I lose sense of place, or reason I am there. My brain doesn't do what I want. Then I will see her and I can't get my feet to move or I get this sense of wanting to just leave when its irational. Add to this the embarassment of acting like a wierdo and I am a mess. I want to cry and scream I am so frustrated. I have isolated almost all my friends. They don't want to hang out with me and I feel like I have a infectious virus. I am losing all the people who care about me and it scarces me to death. Its all because of something that happened years ago? why I can be the chill laid back surfer guy I used to I don't know. I am angry all the time at myself and others for no reason. What professional whould help a nut like me.

I am sure that none wants to be my friend I wouldn't I keep letting people down.

The worst part is I got taken advantage of by another girl, I was aprorached by her at a bar, I was so lonely and desperate for someone to talk to that I wasn't thinking right. She ended up being a "dancer" and talked my ear off I shared my PTSD story and she starting getting verbally abusive and calling me a loser. Even threw a glass at me and cut me! I am a wreck. I used to have loving solid relationships and good buddies all that has changed in a matter of a few months or years.

Its seems the therapy brought back this stuff with a vengance? anones advice is appreciated.

I AM ONLY ONLY PERSON I KNOW WITH PTSD PLEASE HELP.

I feel everyones mad at me for this...illness?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi You are not alone anymore. The forum is full of people with ptsd. Read the information and learn about ptsd. Get to know the people as you are able. Feel free to post as you are able. Start a trauma diary in the trauma diary section and write about what you are going through and you will get help and support and encouragement. Take really good care of yourself. It will get better as you continue to work on yourself.

 

[Whitneys story]

California Rey, I am so sorry you have experienced your journey! I will say that
in this Forum you will find a completely different surrounding.

Take your time, make yourself comfortable as there will be a lot of positive learning
experience available. You are no longer alone unless you want to be!
Hugs if you accept them, Whitney

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum California Rey.

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum

 

[Charmedone]

Welcome to the forum, I understand what your going through. Sudden noises and people getting too close in new situations set me off.
I hope you find help and support on here. Take care x

 

[Spring]

Hi California Rey,
I'm so sorry that you are goin' through this. My BF was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago and it has been very difficult at times for him, too.

It's not weak at all to talk about or to seek help - On the contrary, it takes a very strong person to step forward and admit that they need help. And it can be better.

I'm not sure where you live, but there is a GREAT program where I live. It's private, confidential, no cost, and most of all, it's directed and fascilitated by people who have a lot of knowledge and experience with this subject/illness.
~Spring

 

[Lucycat]

Welcome to the forum.

Although I am not a vet, I still struggle with the startle response. I jump at the slightest noise or if I see movement out of the corner of my eye.

I can't stop myself jumping but I have learned not to shout out or squeal as I used to. Now I jump and then squeeze my hands very tightly. It is not something I have consciously done, but think it a kind of grounding technique. It works for me. I guess you need to find something other than shouting at people that can work for you.

It will take time. Nothing happens fast with PTSD recovery!!

 

[inthistogether83]

I am sorry you are going through so much. I can not say that I understand because i am not a sufferer, I am a supporter. My husband got the diagnosis about 18 months ago and every day is a struggle for him with the life he has now due to PTSD. The best thing I have ever noticed that helps him though is being able to talk about it. It makes me sad that your family does not support you talking through these things but I think coming here was a good place to find someone to talk with. I wish you nothing but the best and you will be in my prayers. God Bless and thank you for your service.