Supporter New Relationship And Ptsd

[chelchie05]

HI everyone,

It has taken me two weeks and a lot of reading to finally seek some support for what I am experiencing with my boyfriend. He has been out of the military for about a year and a half and upon discharge was diagnosed with PTSD...which he openly shared with me early on in our relationship.

To make a long story short, he felt that his PTSD was not an issue and that it was under control until a couple of weeks ago. Something triggered a reaction in him that I think really scared him and as I was asking him what was going on he proceeded to tell me that he didn't know what was going on with him and that he just wanted to crawl in a corner and shut the whole world out.

He said that I deserved so much better than him and that I would find someone who would treat me better. I was so shocked at this but knew that this wasn't the same man that I fell in love with. I asked him (jokingly) if he wanted me to leave and he said that he did and that I needed to leave the next day.

I live 4 1/2 hours away! So I stayed until the next day hoping he would calm down and have a rational conversation, which we did, but he still wanted me to leave. I asked him if he was talking to anyone about the PTSD and he just shook his head and said that he wasn't and that he didn't want to talk about it. I asked him if he would and he said that he probably would not. So because I love him and I knew that this was a battle that I was not going to win, I left and made the agonizing drive 4 1/2 hours back home.

I have texted him a couple of times just letting him know that I love him and that I am here when he is ready but I have not received any kind of message in the two weeks since I left. The only way I can explain how I am feeling right now is that I am numb. I've been trying so hard to educate myself and stay strong but this is so very hard.

I have been reading a lot of posts and articles and they have really been helping. I am looking forward to connecting with others who are going through this same thing so that I can stay strong and support the man that I love.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[discarded]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Spring]

Chelchie, hi...
I know exactly what you're goin' through, I've been where you are, so you're not alone... He needs time and space right now. The things he's feelin' are common. He needs to decide for himself to get help and learn how to manage what he's feelin'.

Right now, what you need to do is take care of YOU, Chelchie. I'm glad that you're tryin' to find some support and bein' proactive about researchin' what you can about PTSD - You must care a great deal about your boyfriend to do this... And in the meantime, try to do good things for yourself - Spend time with friends & family, stay busy doin' the things that you enjoy doin'.

I'm here if you need someone to listen=)
~Spring

 

[chelchie05]

HI Spring,
Thank you for your supportive and encouraging message. It's unfortunate that there are so many going through this same thing but I take comfort in knowing that I can connect with others who share in my struggles.

Not being able to fix the problem's of someone I love so much is heartbreaking and makes me feel like a failure...especially since I am a counselor myself. While these are my immediate feelings, I know that I cannot blame myself for my boyfriend's (bf)struggle with PTSD. I know that this is a fight that he has to want to win.

The worst part is he is so far away and I have no idea where he is at in this episode. I have not heard anything from him in over 2 weeks! He went from texting me every morning telling me to have a good day and that he loved me then talking to me at night and now he has completely shut me out, he even blocked me, my best friend, and my sister of FB. His childhood best friend and roommate just told me today that he is well when I asked but I am pretty confident that his best friend has no idea what my boyfriend is going through.

I think it's easy for my bf to cover it up because his friend is not questioning it, his friend still thinks he's the same person he was when they were in high school over a decade ago! How do you explain to someone who is so engulfed in their own personal life that their childhood best friend is not the same person he used to be when they were kids and is struggling to deal with transitioning back into civilian life?

Again, I realize that I am not telling a story any different than most on this forum but telling my own story is really helping me to cope. I have also been educating not only myself but my friends and family that care deeply about my bf on what is going on. I think that education of PTSD is the main thing in dealing with this awful and heartbreaking disorder. People need to understand exactly what PTSD is and how it affects so many lives. I myself did not realize it until having to go through it firsthand with a loved one.

Thank you again Spring for reaching out to me. I am very glad I joined this forum. :)

I know that what he needs is space and time, it's just so very hard when I am so worried about him and love him so much. But researching, reading, and joining this forum are really helping me to cope.

 

[Spring]

I know that it's tough... My boyfriend ended our relationship, too. I didn't hear from him for over six weeks. I had no idea what he was goin' through, if he was gettin' help or not, if his friends or family were bein' supportive.... And yes, it is ultimately up to them to decide if they want to get better - learn how to manage the illness... We've come a long way, but every day is a struggle for him, but we work through it=)

I do want to to tell you how great it is that you're educating yourself on the subject. You must care and love him very much to spend the time to do this. And it will really help you better understand and able to wrap your mind around the illness. It will help you to know that what's goin' on with him has nothin' to do with you, Chelchie. It's a struggle that he's grapplin' with.

Try to read as much as you can, I have some information that I can send to you, as well. And also, try to stay busy doin' things that make you happy right now. I think that it's wonderful that your friends and family are bein' supportive of your decision to educate yourself on the illness. it sounds like you have a strong support system, and that's great=)

I'm here if you ever need to talk, or need information.
~Spring

 

[Spring]

.... And I know what you might be goin' through. I couldn't sleep, eat, my anxiety was overwhelmin'. I worried all the time. But readin' and learnin' what I could about PTSD gave me some sort of comfort in knowin' that one, I wasn't alone; and two, that my boyfriend's behavior began to make some sense to me.

 

[Livy's Mom]

Hi Chelchie,

Welcome to the forum :-)

I'm fairly new here too and going through the exact same thing. You will find plenty of help here and lots of good people to talk to.

Spring has LOTS of info and encouraging words so take her up on her offer to talk!! It has helped me tremendously.

Thanks Spring!

 

[chelchie05]

Thank you Livy's Mom,
It's so very helpful to connect with others who can relate and encourage me to keep trudging through.
Thanks for making me feel so welcome!

 

[Spring]

Awwwe, thanks!
I understand what y'all girls are goin' through, I was there, too. I know that it's really tough and very confusin'. It's very sad to know that this affects so many people, but it is a small comfort in knowin' that we're not alone in this.
~Spring