Relationship New Relationship With A Source Of Suffering

[valium]

Attempted translation from Spanish to English by Staff after software upgrade:

Hello, can not describe how happy I am that this forum is trying to read a little, in other threads, and got some tips, but impatient and desperate I am thought I write instead.

I met a few months ago a wonderful girl, she told me after a fairly short time about his illness and the traumatic experiences that she experienced, this is completely new to me, did not even va ptsd va earlier. We have a fairly short time got a very mature relationship and we thrive (little) unbelievably good ... Until about 1 month ago, when she began to feel bad. It has worked quite good yet, despite a frenzy, weeping and other events we have been talking with each other and resolve these crises, but for va 2 weeks ago I went on a mission and when I came home va she transformed to someone else. She is now the I read about the many experiences, indifferent, to va with me and turn me completely out. I want to be there for her and support her in so far as it goes, even though I know that only she and her treatment that can make her breath, which she started today btw! But this powerlessness and feeling that she no longer wants to have me in their vicinity, coal on me of you experienced, what should I do? It is common in conditions that the suffering react? How can I support her in the best way? to let her va completely or to continue to try?

I just want her best, and of course, I wish a life with the girl I loved me in from the beginning, but feel so powerless right now ... so please help?​

 

[Nishkaa]

Hi. I'm new to this group and this is my first time using a translator device to communicate with a person across the world, who speaks a different language other than English.

I believe you have had a mature relationship. From what I'm seeing, you appear to be a person who is very self-aware, who knows themselves quite well. It hurts to see other people hurting, and to feel helpless about that other person's pain, their PTSD.

Naturally, it would feel like a very real loss, when things were going smoothly to all of the sudden, seemingly out of no-where, this PTSD.

I can't make a decision for you, I can only relate to you from my own experience as a ptsd-sufferer and from here, I can't really know exactly what's up with your girlfriend. I guess it will depend on what are comfortable limits for you. For myself, I'm only able to keep up friendships and relationships with people who are okay with my need to withdraw. I'm not a good match for others, who are more dependent and need to see me regularly or all the time. The other thing I can relate to, is that there have been times in my life where I've been very frightened about intimacy. I've been hurt in ways, in that I've become fearful about sex or even the prospect of a relationship moving to that level-- just too scared, too triggered and not able to keep my past pain in the past. It's not the fault of the other person, and I have still loved them, but have not been able to be comfortable in having a sexual relationship with them. Sometimes this has worked out as actually having really decent friendships with some males, who respect my boundaries and are okay about maintaining a friendship, even though they had wished for more, to be more of a romantic relationship.

Realistically though, that's not a choice for everyone. It sometimes comes up with my male friends who wanted more of a relationship, a more intimate relationship, that there is still hurt there because they wanted more of a relationship with me. Still though, my friend came by this week, and the love is really strong, it's just on another level. I value him dearly and he still feels that way about me, even though he's mostly let go of hope about it becoming a sexual/romantic/marriage relationship. It hurts sometimes, it comes up sometimes, but I guess he decided that the friendship was still really worthwhile to him and it is satisfying some of his needs for connection, just he had to let go of the hopes for a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. So he lost something, but discovered something else I guess, a newer possibility of which is still satisfactory to his needs. We're close.

I guess it's a question of being really honest with yourself on what you are willing to sacrifice; what you want and desire from this relationship. Utimately we don't have power over the choices others make, for whatever reason is their choice at the moment. It's a hard one, this loss, and I feel for you.

Wait for other feedback here, I'm just reflecting on things through my own narrowed perspective. Others might see something else which may be more helpful.

Your care and concern and love for this woman, is very honourable.

Take Care,
~ N

 

[Elizabeth]

I am unsure what you are asking. But I know you must make your own choices. If it was me , as woman affected by PTSD, I need space, quiet and a cool off period before I am able to be reasonable at times.

There is an excellent graph on the effects of stress , both good and bad, as well as the anxiety/stress load the a person affected carries daily. It is a cup analogy that shows why she is so easily stressed, it is a brain chemical reaction. It takes a bit of time to come back from one of those types of episodes.

Seeking out a therapist she is comfortable with and work on making life a bit more level, a bit better seems to be my best advise. Best of luck with your relationship