New - Scared To Post This (long - Sorry)

[lostforgottensoul]

I really perceive my therapist as someone who knows what he's doing in terms of trauma work (except trying to move me forward with meditation/relaxation apparently) except am worried the therapeutic relationship would be forever ruined if I told him about my sexual thoughts/urges that occurred during our last session.

If he knows what he is doing then he will know how to handle it.

Personaly my (male) therapist named it, explain it, backtraced it to my trauma, explained why i was having those feelings (to feel safe as what we were speaking of was making me feel not safe) and we worked around feeling safe.

Once we spoke about all of that, it went away as now I can say "I am having these feelings because XYZ happened when I was a child" and "I am having these feelings because I feel unsafe and am wanting to feel safe again".

Its actually something I notice a lot right now, it came back, and we spoke today about it and we spoke about why I am feeling this again.

Its not about sex, at all. Its about how you interpret sex. For me, it makes me feel safe, loved, ok again. So if I can name why I dont feel those things, the sexual feelings and urges go away. For me anyway.

I guess I will need a female therapist

I was talking about this in another thread. Erotic transference can happen with a same sex therapist. It has zero to do with sexual attraction.

Maybe it has to do with how you see men but I doubt thats fully it or, Id think, you'd be angry instead of wanting to masturbate.

Google it; learn what it is; and some how talk to your therapist about it. Personally, I wouldnt want to start all over with a new therapist and have to trust build and all of that over something fixable.

Just me personally.

 

[Daisy1234]

If he knows what he is doing then he will know how to handle it.

Personaly my (male) therapi...

lostforgottensoul, I'm really glad you worked this out with your therapist. I already terminated so I guess I'm starting over again. I have only seen him 6 times or so. I think I understand more about the concept. Thank you. I had a lot of one night stands when I was drunk and in my 20s, but at this stage of the game for me (50) it's totally an expression of love or at least where commitment has been established.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

it's totally an expression of love or at least where commitment has been established.

Right, so you are despertly, unconsciencely, looking for that feeling.

I wish you well with the new therapist! At least you get transference, which can be any feeling, not just sexual. So id try gain trust/be comfortable and open that line of communication so you can talk about this stuff with the new therapist.

 

[anonymous]

I think the other possibility is to do with trauma itself coming up. A type of re-experiencing. Sometimes its just sensation. Or thats been the assumption I came to with some stuff for me. Haven't been able to speak about it. It was very inappropriate in terms of situation and nothing at all to do with attraction. Your feelings about him having a creep factor may be you transferring your feelings about the other guy onto your therapist though.

Meditation can open the door to things coming up to the surface.

 

[Daisy1234]

Well, I isolated yesterday. I told myself I was going to have in-person contact with someone every day. Fell short. Also didn't eat enough or exercise. If I can't even do self care properly, how am I going to move beyond that (rhetorical)? Back in the saddle again today. Well, so far I cancelled my horse therapy appointment today. Just felt tired from little sleep and just not in the mood. I know I need to stick to the plan whether I want to or not. Hopefully women's group and walk this aft, plus at least 2 meals.

Edit"oops I didn't mean to post this here.

 

[joeylittle]

oops I didn't mean to post this here.

You can report the post and let us know where you'd like it moved to.

 

[Gs172003]

Sarahbellum, just a P.S. here. I finally found an article on the dangers of meditation. I think in...

My therapist told me no.to meditation. I also discovered that certain types of yoga will throw me into flashbacks if it's too slow and "mindful". Nothing like laying on the floor with your abuser in your face

 

[Daisy1234]

My therapist told me no.to meditation. I also discovered that certain types of yoga will throw me i...

Yeah, I don't know. I was going to start yoga today but didn't go. Maybe that was for the best. Derealization has gotten worse today, and exhaustion has set in. Maybe need a break of some sort?

Also based on DSM criteria I recently read, I think PTSD may be a stretch? Definitely there was trauma, but I mean I did get threats, a combo of direct and indirect, from my abuser that he would or had facilitated the liklihood (at least in my subjective take on the situation) of physical/sexual injury by a third party. Maybe it was just mindf*uckery on his part but I was terrified. I guess I'll see what my new trauma therapist has a say. Regardless, I wish I could stay on this forum because of the wealth of info, great self help advice, etc. Maybe I will just have to settle for lurking.

 

[Gs172003]

Yeah, I don't know. I was going to start yoga today but didn't go. Maybe that was for the best. De...

I do yoga online and as long as it is constantly moving I'm fine. The "lay here on your back and listen to your breath" stuff I can't do right now.

 

[Daisy1234]

I do yoga online and as long as it is constantly moving I'm fine. The "lay here on your back and li...

Yeah, that "sit in a chair, relax, breathe, visualize" is what my previous therapist/social worker had me do.

Also, I know it may be hard to say, but how many months along in your recovery do you think you'll be able to do the staying still yoga? This has me thinking, in my adjunct horse therapy, I'm asked to lie on top of the horse, pay attention to the horse's breathing and mine and just relax. It was hard for me to relax, as usual, and it wasn't a guided exercise. Probably not really comparable but just came to mind.

 

[Gs172003]

Yeah, that "sit in a chair, relax, breathe, visualize" is what my previous therapist/social worker ha...

I have no idea. I don't think I would have a problem if it was with a horse. My problem is being alone and especially at home and laying down .

 

[PhoenixO]

I just want to comment on a few things. One is that I honestly have trouble believing anyone can be told NOT to be hypervigilant. That symptom is not so simple to dismiss. 2. Someone with PTSD has a big time load of trouble related to emotional regulation so saying they are secure is counterintuitive. 3. from what you mentioned related to feeling as if you had to have sex several times a day with a selfish sex addicted partner would absolutely fall into a category that would spawn PTSD. An you mention dealing with threats and fear? Another plausible cause. Symptoms vary patient to patient. With time and study you wil know. I actually tried denying my diagnosis for over a decade. However as said symptoms... they are undeniable.

.Personally, I have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life and have not found the right person to help me with trauma based care. It is a complex soup of things to consider. Not the least of which is trust. I sense you are on the right track to change caregivers.