New T Or Go It Alone?

[Ice_Fire]

Right, so, as some of you know, I'm coming (involuntarily) to the end of my time with my current T. I have a couple of months worth of 45 minute sessions left.

We've just started talking about the sexual abuse I suffered in more depth and my aim is to take the plunge and get it all out there and try to come to some peace with it before we finish working together. She's asked me whether I want to move to a new counsellor.

I don't know what to do- I'm feeling a heck of a lot better lately, like I have some motivation and drive to participate in life and get myself back on my feet. I'm unsure whether I will need someone to replace my T, or whether, as I'm feeling stronger, I should continue processing and using the skills I've learnt on my own.

Even if I get a new T, there's not a lot of time left before it's exams and off to university. Considering my trust issues and how long it took me to build up a work-able relationship with my T, I'm debating whether it's worth it? But...if I go it alone, what do I do if I can't cope?

Anyone taken the plunge in not continuing with therapy after losing a T? Or, conversly, what's it like starting over? Any thoughts much appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Ice, I do not know how to advise you. You will need some kind of support. Will you stay on the forum? This way you will have some good support. You will have your tutor, even by email.

You will be very busy with homework and assignments. You will be busy making new friends. If you cannot cope, mabe you could arrange to call your current therapist if that is ok with her.

Trust takes a long time to earn and you will be moving. Mabe it would be better not to go to a new therapist until you go to Uni. Then mabe you could try to find a new therapist for yourself in your new place you will be living. Food for thought. Mabe someone else will come up with a better idea. I hope so I wish you the best in sorting this one out. Good luck. Big hugs.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks Gizmo, your thoughts echo my own. Yes, of course I'll stay on the forum! :D Can't see myself leaving this place for quite a while, there's too many wonderful people here to talk to. :hug:

Well, my schedule is kinda tight as it is at the moment, and yes, I will be only getting more busy as the academic year progresses.

I thought about leaving a gap and finding a new T when I move to whichever uni I end up at. I think I'm more likely to need someone to lean on when I'm somewhere new and having to deal with whatever PTSD throws at me when I don't have Gran or Dec or my current friends around.

My current T wants to keep in touch, so I'm sure she'd be fine with me giving her the odd call/email. Same with my tutor. Found out today she's not planning on being back in college once her maternity leave starts until after we leave. Unsurprising and I'm glad I know for definite now that there's no point getting my hopes up.

 

[Hashi]

Hi Ice Fire,

I had to finish a period of time-limited therapy at the end of last year. It was a bit different from your situation because I wasn't allowed any contact with my T once we finished (it was a RASASC and that was their rule) and I wasn't anything like ready.

If I'd had the opportunity for occasional contact with her, I'd have waited before looking for another T and would have managed with that for a little while.

As it turned out, after a false start with one new T, I finally found someone about four months after having to stop at the RASASC and I'm really glad I have. The focus is a bit different, because I've already gone through a lot of what I think of as walking through the fire with my RASASC T (recovering memories, facing them, letting them be real, allowing them to be as bad as they are), and now I'm looking more at the effects and how to get beyond them. Kind of like my RASASC therapy was about "what happened" and my current therapy is about "what do I do with what happened". This is confused by some overlap with still needing to cover some of what happened because I finished at RASASC sooner than I wanted to, but that's not really a problem in terms of a new T, except for having to build up trust first.

I think a gap between Ts can work, and this is what people usually recommend. To be honest, I got tired of hearing it because I didn't want a gap, but everyone else seemed to think it was a good idea. In your case, it sounds like you'd be more stable, have other support (I didn't) and could still contact your T occasionally. Then you could think later about whether you wanted to look for another T and if so, what you would want out of it this time, which may be a bit different.

BTW, I don't know if you've ever written unsent letters (where you write a letter to someone but not to send, just to express your feelings for yourself). I wrote some to my old T after I had to stop seeing her, and it really helped. Even when you have winding down sessions, stopping can feel strange after being so dependent on someone. I felt quite lost. Writing unsent letters gave me some feeling of continuity, and like I could keep hold of things from the spirit of the relationship even though I could no longer see her.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hashi, thanks for the reply.

I think that by having some contact with T and being at the stage I'm at means that I am in as strong a position to have a gap as any.

I don't want a gap...I don't want to lose my T at all. So, I really do get where you're coming from with that one. But at least I've had time to get used to the idea and I've done a lot of hard-core trauma work recently. Hmm...think I've answered my own question here!

I'll have a chat with T in session tomorrow, but I think maybe I could give a gap a go and look for someone iif/when I need someone once I'm at university.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Ice-fire, most universities in the UK have a counsellor.

It is doubtful that they have specialist knowledge of trauma. But if you need that extra help through stressful times, it is there. So maybe it is worth familiarising yourself with what's on offer when you know where you're going.

It sounds like you will do well a gap. I wish you well.

 

[JustBe]

Good Luck!
Have fun on your new adventure!

 

[Ice_Fire]

aww! That pic is really cute :D